warrant - HecklerSpray

Shia LaBeouf Pleads Not Guilty To Smoking-Based Atrocity

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Yesterday Shia LaBeouf was a fugitive on the run from the law, like Harrison Ford in that film Working Girl.

Not today, though – today Shia LaBeouf has faced his crimes like a man, like Harrison Ford in that film The Fugitive. Well, not 'faced his crimes' exactly – Shia LaBeouf has pleaded not guilty to the awful accusation that he smoked on a pavement once.

But at least Shia LaBeouf actually got around to entering a plea this time – up until that point he had an arrest warrant on his head for not tuning up to court at all. It's a stern lesson to all that you can't run from the law, no matter how adorably boyish your iddle widdle puppy dumpling cheeks are.

Shia LaBeouf Is A Law-Breaking Smoker

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

It's a good job that Shia LaBeouf has a face so adorable that it looks as if it's been pieced together with moonbeams and kitten-fluff.

That's because Shia LaBeouf is just about the crummiest law-breaker that the world has ever seen. After his recent arrest for standing a pharmacy for too long, Shia LaBeouf has now got in trouble for smoking cigarettes as well.

Worse still, Shia LaBeouf now has an arrest warrant on his head after skipping his smoking-based court appearance, something which stands to jeopardise his next fiendishly evil ruse – scrumping apples from Old Man McGee's orchard to bake and sell a selection of delicious yet unlawful pies from his mother's drive.

Hayden Panettiere: Illegal In Japan

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Hayden Panettiere is best-known for being the cheerleader from Heroes who can mangle up her body and then spontaneously regenerate – either that or being the one from Heroes that makes you feel the most like a dirty old man.

However, if you're from Japan then Hayden Panettiere is a high-profile fugitive who hates Japanese culture to such an extent that she's in a huge amount of trouble for it. Admittedly that's because the part of Japanese culture that Hayden Panettiere hates the most is the way they slaughter dolphins – and her surfboard-based pre-dawn attempts to disrupt a dolphin cull last month has resulted in a Japanese arrest warrant being placed on Hayden Panettiere's head. Forget 'save the cheerleader, save the world'; this is a case of 'arrest the cheerleader, curtail a potentially knotty international diplomatic incident'.

Also, it's thought that – following Hayden Panettiere's Japanese arrest warrant – the schizophrenic porno girl from Heroes who used to be in Dawson's Creek has decided to keep her controversial anti-Hello Kitty sentiments to herself for now.