Warner Bros - HecklerSpray

Bored Hollywood Executives To Remake ‘Point Break’ With Worst Film Writer On Earth

September 13th, 2011 By Michael Park

It is a truth passed down from generation to generation amongst Hollywood’s glittering elite. There’s no reason to make something if you can remake something. Hollywood film executives are willing to remake or reboot any film or franchise in the pursuit of artistic fulfilment*.

From tat like The Day The Earth Stood Still to horror classics like Dracula, it’s nigh-on impossible to escape the pervasive influence of the Hollywood remake in modern cinema. Hollywood is even willing to remake remakes and reboot reboots. One need only look at the treatment of The Incredible Hulk & Spiderman to see that Hollywood’s pursuit of film-making perfection** is a rolling juggernaut of epic proportions.

Bugs Bunny Movie Imminent?

August 13th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Everyone loves Looney Tunes. The cartoons are 3 minutes long, contain ultra-violence, ace music and mild transvestism from animals stood on their hind-legs. What’s not to love? There is one sure-fire way of ruining a good cartoon though – that’s to make them 2 hours long and turn them 3D.

Scooby Doo, Yogi Bear, Alvin and the Chipmunks and more have all been spoiled by meddling CGI pricks, determined to suck all the character out of classic characters by making them slightly realistic, forgetting that 2D is often best.

And so, can we expect the same from Bugs Bunny who is going to be revived by Warner Bros for a new live-action/CG movie?

Watchmen: Fox & Warner Bros Put Their Handbags Away

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

It would have been awful if Fox managed to block the release of this year’s Watchmen movie, wouldn’t it?

Because what would we have to be disappointed about then? The weather? Our jobs? The way we can’t grow a proper beard? No, Fox didn’t want to just block Watchmen – it wanted to block our right to be chronically disappointed by Watchmen, and that wasn’t on.

Luckily, though, the crisis has been averted. Fox and Warner Bros have resolved their legal squabble, and Watchmen is coming out as planned. That means our plan to slag it off before we’ve seen it remains intact! Yay!

Watchmen Saga Takes Another Interminable Twist

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

One of the movies that everyone is most looking forward to being profoundly disappointed by this year is Watchmen.

That’s if Watchmen is released this year, of course. Thanks to a petty squabble between Warner Bros (which made Watchmen) and Fox (which says it owns the rights to Watchmen), nothing looks certain any more. And now one of the movie’s producers, Lloyd Levin, has waded in on the issue by writing a letter calling everyone at Fox big old smellyheads. We’re paraphrasing.

So Watchmen still might not be released this year. That’s OK, we’re sure we’ll be just as disappointed by Terminator Salvation.

ABC Decides To Remake V, Nobody Really Sure Why

October 10th, 2008 By David Schwartz

Lock up your pet hamsters – because cult 80s TV series V is making a comeback. That’s right, ABC this week greenlit the popular sci-fi programme to the distinct sound of scraping barrels.

Now, if you are not familiar with V, let us explain. It’s about rodent-eating alien lizards who come to Earth and act like a right bunch of Nazis. Think David Icke without the rodents – and the Nazis.

They basically want to nick all our water and then eat us because, well, they are not very nice rodent-eating alien lizards. There are even loads of Nazi-like references to ram home the point.

Hari Puttar Not Coming Your Way If Warner Bros Has Its Say

March 25th, 2009 By Matthew Laidlow

Over the years, there have been thousands of rubbish fan versions of Harry Potter as they try to plug the void until JK Rowling scribbles another book.

The amusing for five seconds Harry Pothead series was a hit with morons everywhere, and recently an independent encyclopedia detailing all the characters, spells and abuse suffered by pupils from Dumbledore was due for release.

So imagine Warner Brothers’ delight when it found out about an up and coming film called Hari Puttar. Their lawyers cast some magic spells immediately to stop the film being released.

Watchmen Won’t be Watched by Men, if Fox Get Their Way

March 25th, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

Everybody seems to be getting in on the comic book-to-movie adaptation thing, with easily one of the most anticipated being that of Watchmen.

While normally this would be greeted with trepidation and a slight amount of fear, the sheer quality of the source material, combined with the fact that the film is supposed to actually be, y’know – good – has people sweating around the groin, awaiting next year’s release.

That is, unless Fox have their way and ban the film from ever coming out.

Oh, we’re not kidding here – that’s what they’re trying to do in the latest of legal battles that shows just how the company is actually forged from Satan’s testicles themselves. There’s evil, then there’s Fox evil.

Tom Cruise Causes Sleeper Puns to Take Over the Internet. We’re Not Happy.

August 19th, 2008 By Ian Dransfield

Tom Cruise is continuing his run of trying to make people think he’s less of a massive mental, religious freak.

First he stopped jumping around like a particularly stupid chimp, he stopped going on about Scientology in public – though he did see some of his private video collection released, much to the delight/terror (delete as appropriate) of the general public – and he’s seeing some rave reviews flying about for his small role in Tropic Thunder. So what next?

Well, it’s obvious isn’t it? Star in a superhero film, and get someone like Sam Raimi on board to produce. Which is, apparently, what’s being pushed for by Tom Cruise and Warner Bros, who own the rights to Sleeper – a short running comic book series from a few years back. Well, Raimi’s already on board, but you get the point.

And you can’t fault the man’s logic.

Harry Potter Officially Gets Hacked To Bits

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Like a holiday romance with a pretty Lithuanian girl who naively accepts your false claims of being a powerful blogger as truth, we don't want Harry Potter to end.

OK, that's a lie. We do want Harry Potter to end. Sometimes we wish that Harry Potter had never been born at all. But the Warner Bros big cheeses who rely on Harry Potter to keep them in private jets and man-made vagina-shaped residential islands don't want Harry Potter to end.

And what they say goes, because it's just been made official that Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows will be turned into two separate movies. Now Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows will be released in November 2010, with its sequel Harry Potter And The Even More Deathlier Hallows That Make The First Lot Of Deathly Hallows Look A Bit Wimpy And Shit will follow in May 2011.