Remember when Janet Jackson invented the term ‘wardrobe malfunction’ at the Super Bowl? That was good wasn’t it? In the old days, it was just called ‘flashing’ or ‘exposing yourself’, which is clearly what happened, but Janet’s people had to pretend it was an accident.

Well, people are a little nervous of a nipple being shown at the Super Bowl halftime show this year, mainly because no-one in their right mind wants to see Madonna’s rock-hard gym-sculpted banger on view, all sinew and veins.

And mercifully, she’s promised that this won’t be happening.

Madonna says that all efforts have been made to ensure that she won’t be exposing a nork to the biggest television audience in the world.

Lucky really because, it hasn’t escaped our attention that she’s slowly turning into Iggy Pop with each passing year.

“Great attention to detail has been paid to my wardrobe, there will be no wardrobe malfunction – I promise”.

There’s a lot riding on this for Madge and she admits that she’s feeling the pressure of performing at the Super Bowl. And it really is a gigantic audience. Last year’s Super Bowl bagged itself 111 million in the US.

“This is a Midwesterner girls dream to be performing at the Super Bowl half-time show”

“In over 25 years of performing that I’ve done, I have never worked so hard or been so scrupulous or detail-orientated or freaked out.”

And here’s a preview of Madonna’s new video for her new single, ‘Give Me Your Luvin” which features American Footballers and stuff!

Nicki Minaj got everyone outraged when her left nipple leapt up and freed itself from the shackles of her clothing on Good Morning America. And now, former Destiny Child Kelly Rowland has joined the nipple slip club.

That’s right. Her boobs have popped out.

During a routine at a concert in West Orange, New Jersey, Rowland’s top – which was already pretty revealing (showing off some serious underboob) – rode up and unveiled her breasticles for everyone to see. And yes, you can gawp at them over the jump.

Rowland, in typical good mannered japery, managed to joke about the ‘wardrobe malfunction’ and took to twitter to make light of it.

“New Jersey crowd was amazing!! hope you enjoyed the show and didnt mind the peekaboo LOL!!! #kanyeshrug #stuffhappens”

The X Factor judge wins the Battle Of The Boobs with Minaj as she managed to get them both out whereas Minaj only managed a single areola.

It’s all very titillating.

Now here’s the video for you to look at. There’s definitely boobs in it, so invite your boss to go away if you want to peer at them listlessly.

Okay?

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!

Since Christina Aguilera flubbed the American National anthem at the Super Bowl, starred in the impressively eventless Burlesque and got arrested for being more drunk than Oliver Reed’s liver, she’s not been too much fun.

In fact, she’s been something of a bore. Instead of properly going off the rails, she’s turned into a little walking book of calm, sounding for all the world like a quack that appears on Geraldo or something.

And so, despite the fact we’ve all seen her boobs in Those ‘Leaked’ Naked Photos, Xtina decided to be incredibly serious and overwrought about the fact her tatas nearly fell out of her dress, repeatedly, while appearing on the show, The Voice. 

That’s right, Aguilera came *that close* to bearing all on US television after a near wardrobe malfunction. This all happened while she was promoting her new TV show The Voice, which looks pretty awful.

During the performance, her dress strap repeatedly fell down, leaving our warbling warbler to continually forcibly yank the thing up in an attempt to stop viewers getting their eyes poked out.

Christina, instead of playing it all off with a shrug and a laugh, said:

“Hey, if you want a career doing this, you have to roll with the punches”

Right, here comes the funnies, yeah?

“You know, you’re going to have your highs and lows, but you keep going. And every single time you take that stage that’s another opportunity for you to prove to not only the world, but to yourself, that you are stronger and [can] get up there a better person.”

Oh piss off.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!

The US court system is as flawed as any other. All countries have embarrassing and slightly odd laws that make no sense and court procedures that render even cut and dried cases utterly laughable.

The latest inexplicable venture that has made the US courts look like a boob, is Janet Jackson‘s, well, boob.

We can pretty much guarantee that you’d forgotten about the 2004 blunder that saw Justin Timberlake accidentally expose Janet Jackson’s chest to near a billion people on live TV during the Super Bowl. If you’d forgotten that happened, you would presumably have forgotten how much it annoyed the poop out of you that it was dragged out in the media for so long and that it resulted in several hilarious court cases.

Well, here we are to stir the pot and remind you how inane one particular case was.

The US taxpayer is still forking out for the court case that never should have been.

On Monday, the US Supreme Court ordered a federal appeals court to re-examine its ruling that favoured CBS, over the whole “wardrobe malfunction” incident. Yep. Millions more in taxpayer money is being spent this year on investigating just how offensive the sight of 42-year-old nip decor is.

One cannot help but think that if this were a case of 22-year-old Megan Fox or someone similar becoming so over-exposed this case would already be over. Not only that, but it would be so obviously a foregone conclusion that spending more than a few pennies on the entire case would have been labelled the biggest waste of money since working microphones were purchased for the Britney Spears Circus tour.

So, one could opine that some people’s boobies are more controversial than others.

In any case, the original back and forth and cries of being scarred for life were not quite enough of a waste of time. Those involved kindly took a lunch break, regrouped and came back for another round of legal shenanigans.

According to The AP the original large FCC fine may be re-instated in the Super Bowl case:

The Supreme Court on Monday ordered a federal appeals court to re-examine its ruling in favor of CBS Corp. in a legal fight over entertainer Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction. The high court on Monday directed the 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Philadelphia to consider reinstating the $550,000 fine that the Federal Communications Commission imposed on CBS over Jackson’s breast-baring performance at the 2004 Super Bowl.

This means anyone who is so inclined to watch the nine-sixteenths of one second video clip would be well advised to do so promptly.

That way when the decision is arbitrarily overturned once more, you will be in a far better position to give your professional opinion on the arse falling out of the US legal system and Janet Jackson’s nipple ring.

This was a guest blog from Amy Grindhouse, who is clearly the best.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

The name Jackson has shifted meanings quite dramatically over the last few decades.

In the seventies you’d know the Jacksons as that annoying bunch of kids whose songs were more infectious then the Ebola virus, while the eighties and early nineties saw Michael Jackson pull away and gain success on his own.

Sadly MJ knackered things up towards the end of the nineties with “botched surgery” plaguing the Jackson name. Then at the turn of the millennium, things got worse as the tags “dodgy alleged child molester”, “rubber masked mo’ fo’” and “strange reality show contestant” were thrown around.

Whilst all the male members of the Jackson family were being beaten daily by their father to perform like dancing bears, poor Janet Jackson didn’t get a look in, with only Jackie, Tito, Jermaine, Marlon, Michael and Randy involved in the Jackson 5 set-up.

Sadly, she’d have to go alone at it, using her surname like the unfamous sibling of a celebrity does. Yes she released some songs, but they weren’t “omg wow amazing,” though getting her tit out at the Super Bowl XXXVIII show in February 2004 did help.

Employed to entertain a rabble of drunken Americans whilst they waited for a poor man’s rugby game to kick off again, Janet was joined by her mate Justin Timberlake. The song itself was doing little to entertain anyone watching, but the real fun didn’t kick in until the end when Timberlake messed around with Janet’s costume. Tearing open her top, he exposed her right breast. Dubbing it as a “wardrobe malfunction,” the two were in for a right telling off. It made Bubbles the monkey cry for God’s sake!

Because Americans are scared of seeing another human naked, the CBS network was fined $550,000 and forced to show all future Super Bowl events on a delay. You know, just incase Paul McCartney whips down his trousers and makes a daisy chain out of his pubes if he was ever asked to play at halftime.

Because Janet is running out of fresh, innovative ideas, she has had to resort to past glories like these for a money spinning opportunity. Her lingerie line Pleasure Principle – named after a song that no-one really knows about from 1987 – apparently aims to make women feel feminine and sexy. At least she’s not set out to make ladies look hairy, butch and transgender. Janet said:

“People have come to me with other ideas, but lingerie is a passion for me, and just like music and acting, I can’t do it unless I put 100% into it.”

It remains to be seen if there will be a super special bra which will have a unusual pad for you to rip off in order to get that Super Bowl feeling. Failing that, we’re sure that a life size cardboard cut out of Justin Timberlake complete with strange, shocked reaction-face will be provided so you can recreate the moment in your front room.

With Janet Jackson’s bra and knickers to be set rolling out of sweatshops imminently, we hope that Michael Jackson will bring out his own brand of face scarves to cover up any individual’s face. Failing that, at least a Dummies Guide To Avoiding Kiddy Fiddling Charges. Gary Glitter would have bought a copy three years ago.