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Here at hecklerspray we have so much sweet love to give, that there’s not enough humans to satisfy our seemingly unquenchable libido.
Sure we’ve considered bestiality but we are sticklers for social etiquette and we’ve heard that being balls deep in a penguin is something of a no-no.
So far the closest we’ve come was to let a woodlouse crawl on our male/female parts. Yes. We have both. However, we’ve compiled a list of non-human totty that we just wouldn’t be able to resist.
Do you want the good news or the bad news first? Well, tough, you’re getting the bad news – it’s awards season.
You know, that long, slow, dull deathmarch to the Oscars where every single vaguely filmy organisation on the face of the planet announces which movies it enjoyed watching most. But more than that, awards season marks the time of year when we wish we had another job. Any other job. A job involving heights and spikes and angry bears, even.
And now the good news – The Los Angeles Film Critics Association gave its best picture award to WALL-E.
This week’s enjoyment and annoyance.
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Ever wondered what would happen if E.T had a threesome with Short Circuit and Robots? Well, cease your wondering, because WALL- E is here.
Set 800 years in the future, WALL-E (Waste Allocation Load Lifter Earth-Class) is the last robot left on earth, doggedly cleaning up the waste the humans left behind when they fled to space.
Despite the obvious message, this film manages to stop short of beating audiences round the head with the ethical nunchucks.
Wall-E director and Pixar stalwart Adam Stanton attributes his film’s meteoric success to behaving like a free-range chicken.
No jokes, at a recent press conference, which we were surprisingly invited to, he actually said: “When we were making this movie there was no one checking up on me, so I was basically a free range chicken left to do what I wanted.”
You heard it here first.
It's shaping up to be quite a controversial weekend box office summer, with films starring dead people, films that actors have refused to promote and – worst – Sex And The City.
But no film this summer is likely to be as controversial as Wall-E, the latest Pixar movie to top the weekend box office. It's hard to think of a more uncommercial-sounding movie than a film about a silent robot compacting rubbish on a deserted planet, but that's what Wall-E is.
And Wall-E isn't just a commercial success, either. As well as being number one in the US weekend box office, the movie has also been called 'perfect' by more than one reviewer. Yeah? So what – there's a bit in The Love Guru where it sounds like Mike Myers is calling someone 'cuntface' when he's not and it's funny, so shove that up your critically adored poop-chute, Wall-E.
