It’s not a scrawny wife or badly-named children – there are plenty of people like that across the country. Instead it’s a shed full of money that he’s made via creating music that wants to make you open the curtains and screaming out loud” hello world, how ya doing?” .

He may need a bigger shed to stash his money in as Coldplay have only gone and sold a bucketful of copies of their new album Viva La Veda. Maybe people have stopped downloading illegally, or the local Chinese man didn’t have any dodgy copies ready when we last saw him in the pub.

To flog records, you need to promote it. Chris Martin and the drummer stopped by to the Radio 4 show Front Row to do this. Only it didn’t go that smoothly.

It has to be said, doing endless interviews can get slightly boring and repetitive. In order to stop doing the same thing again and again, interview discs are knocked up, featuring pre-recorded questions and answers.

These are then shipped off to crap local radio DJs, who then lie and pretend they were graced by someone more famous then the person who just got kicked out of Big Brother.

But for high profile publicity jaunts, it needs to be done live, or if time isn’t on your side, pre-recorded. This happened with the Front Row program. Now, let’s get one thing clear. At Radio 4, they don’t make jokes about poo like hecklerspray does.

The station is pretty high brow and won’t ask questions like: “Do you marmie?” , “When did you last vomit up your insides?”, or “What do you want written on your gravestone“.

No, Radio 4 are much more mature then hecklerspray and it probably explains why we never got an interview slot with them.

Coldplay’s new album is called Viva La Veda and kind of conjures up images of war, fighting and other military stuff. Not exactly fun and thrilling. If you notice, the artwork for the album also reflects this. So, it would seem fairly obvious that clever journalistic folk may pick up on this and ask questions? To us, yes but to Chris Martin, no.

According to the BBC :

“Presenter Wilson questioned whether the new album – full title, Viva La Vida Or Death And All His Friends – was a morbid reflection of the band’s lyrical obsession with death.”

Not really a hard question to answer, but like a timid school boy, Martin asked to be excused because “he wasn’t enjoying” himself and not because he was bursting for a piss. Poor Chris, it must be so different from Jo Whiley on Radio 1 not kissing your arse and worshiping at your eco-friendly carbon neutral feet.

Maybe Radio 4 should have been a bit more like Radio 1 and presented questions to him in text form: “Y ave u kaled ur nu album Viva La Veda? I tink ur h0t Criz”. Lessons learnt for next time.

While Coldplay can’t escape the death references on their album, they should have probably commissioned artwork that didn’t tie into this concept. Maybe a lady with her legs spread open. Not only is it “controversial” but it may prove they have some balls [Coldplay not the lady].

To hear Chris Martin being a total twat, follow the link!

Read More:

Martin Walks Out Of BBC Interview – BBC