Not necessarily because it gave us any sort of epiphany, or because our television glows a heavenly white light every time its on, but because 7 minutes into episode-one our colon totally blew out. We think it’s because of her overall smugness.

Ends up the glowing was just a regular electricity-glow. All TVs have it.

But moving on to the next step in the Sheen/Richards divorce fiasco, it turns out that three years ago Charlie called Denise in a rage – a rage wherein he dropped the N-word for some reason. Would you like more specifics?

Yes, we thought you might.

Picture it – you’re already in a very high profile messy divorce, something doesn’t go your way, then bam! You snap and call your white ex-wife something that rhymes with chigger. The newly leaked 3 1/2 year old message comes in the form of two voicemails as seen below:

“Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Message Received at 12:46pm

I guess I should just get used to the fact that you know, you fire off your nonsense and you’re lawyer bullshit and your fucking emails and then you don’t answer the phone, and you know, you don’t have the fucking courage or the wherewithal to like confront me or deal with me or just be fucking honest. And the forthright and I guess I just gotta stop being disappointed by that because that’s just who you are and what you do. And I guess once I accept that, I won’t be frustrated by your chicken shit fucking behavior, so whatever. I’m just really fucking mad and you owe me a phone call. Okay. Cause again, if I did the same shit to you, you’d be fucking furious. Alright, so whatever.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Message Received at 1:00pm

Yea, I just got your other email and I am a little confused because you told me that was something you only told a couple of people, and this and that, and I just, again you continue to be deceitful and mischievous and sneaky, and you’re a fucking liar. Okay. You’re a fucking liar. So, you know what it’s like, fuck you. Okay, I hope you rot in fucking hell. You’re a piece of shit fucking liar and I hope you fucking rot in hell. So fuck you. I hope I never fucking talk to you again you fucking cunt. Fuck you. You’re a coward and a liar and a fucking nigger alright, so fuck you.”

There it is – the all powerful N-word. It ruined Michael Richards, it ruined that one bounty hunter and quite a few years ago it upset an awful lot of non-volunteer slaves. Sheen’s issued a statement though – a pretty slick one at that. It just may get him out of trouble:

“I deeply apologize by my choice of words to all I have obviously offended; especially to Tony Todd, an African-American, who was my best man at my first two weddings.”

See how he slipped that in there? A black best man that he go to use twice – nothing racist there. Now if only that crap-tacular Two & Half Men could be that slick. But it’s not. We’ve come to terms with that ages ago. It took about half an episode, but when we knew, we knew. It’s a terrible drama stuffed brim-full of characters we just can’t care about.

What’s that? It’s not a drama? You just blew our mind – and in the same article as our colon no less.

To read more, see “Charlie Sheen’s Denise apology” on Monsters & Critics

We presumed that once the judge had sent Nick away to prison as a consequence for turning someone in to a vegetable, that would be the last of it till his sentence ended. But that would be a naive thing to think.

Trying to use his elevated status, the Hulkster tried to pull a few strings and get a cushier prison cell for his son. Instead of being in solitary, he would hopefully spend some time with a couple of friendly rapists and murderers.

After tapes leaked on to the internet of Hulk trying to offer some decent parenting advice, there was a bit of a backlash. Poor Nick still has a lot of alone time, and Hulk looked slightly dickish. In the latest turn to this case, a new voicemail has been leaked.

This time it doesn’t come from the Hogan camp, but from the Graziano family. And we have to warn you, it is pretty shocking stuff. An awful lot of dodgy profanities and threats are made towards the Hogan family.

So how did this recording get out the Hogan tape machine? Well it just so happens that Bubba the love Sponge is a friend of Hulk’s with a radio show. He must have accidentally pressed play to broadcast the message, as there is no way we think that Hulk begged it to be played to try and look slightly innocent.

Though we’re amazed you can play the sort of stuff on the radio, it’s pretty much impossible to say arse on the radio without getting told off.

The fuzz are investigating this tape, as TMZ reports it has come from a close family member:

“John Graziano’s dad, Edward, confirmed today that the voice on the tape is that of Frank Caruso, John’s 32-year-old half-brother. He said Caruso is a child from his estranged wife’s first marriage.”

Don’t say we didn’t warn you about the threatening nature of the tape. It’s not full of happy images of sunshine, gummy trees and singing birds.

Read More:

Hulk Threats: “Your Kid’s Gonna Bleed” – TMZ

All we had to do was pull the string that was attached to our paper-cup earpiece and it lead us straight to Zac Efron’s mom. She was in our living room, even though clearly nobody would have let her in – after all she is a literal cow. It happened just like in Beastmaster, witches and all. Well that is certainly what it says on Zac’s Wikipedia page anyway – third paragraph down.

As we stood there watching Zac Efron’s cow mom scurry back to the field from whence she came, we couldn’t help but wonder how a major star, like say George Clooney, might handle an uncalled-for crank like that.

And the answer there is police involvement.

When George Clooney forced Danny Devito to go onto The View drunk, maybe he thought it’d be good for him. When he bravely almost fought Fabio with nothing but his bare hands and military-like strategy, it was because that too, would have been good for Danny Devito. Somehow.

One thing that is clearly not good for Danny Devito in any way, shape or form though is when Clooney get’s an anonymous voicemail that says:

"Dude, your friends asked me to give you a message: Dump the bitch before you're sorry!"

Ol’ man Devito don’t need that no-how! When Clooney got the message he was pretty mad. He knew it wasn’t a prank from a friend, and he was determined to get to the bottom of it. So he asked his driver to snoop all about it every which way. That's because most cabbies have an untapped skill of evidence gathering. The DMV tests them on that too. Also this particular driver is a well-connected cop who would stop at nothing until justice was served and George wreaked swift vengeance upon this one guy who dared to have a one-way conversation with his phone.

The copper wasn't a help, though, because the number went back to an untraceable pre-paid phone – keep on driving flat-foot! That crank caller ended up getting off scot-free.

Unlike Efron’s mom.

We’re going to tip her tonight.

Read More:

The New Yorker on George Clooney & That Voice Message Telling Him to Dump That Bitch Sarah Larson – The Bosh