So, Christmas is upon us. It’s a time of goodwill, presents, stuffing your face and, if you’re us, a constant reminder of how absolutely no-one ever wants to spend any time at all with us. No. We’re not getting used to it.

However, you might be loved by so-called ‘people’.

In that case, chances are you’ll be having some kind of soiree and you’ll be putting out the nibbles, sporting your best clobber, feverishly tidying the house so people think you don’t normally live in a cesspit and pouring drinks while burping up witticisms stolen from other parties you went to that made you jealous. You’ll be needing to invite people, right? Let us help.

Of course, we’re not the people to ask about inviting other humans to a party. We’re so despairingly unpopular that we may as well send messages in bottles to faraway shores and hope it lands at the feet of a pitying millionaire who wants to give something back to the community.

Not you though. You’re brilliant. People love hanging around with you. They love that unobtrusive music you put on. They love your coronation chicken recipe (we won’t tell anyone you bought it from a shop and sneakily plopped it into your own ramekins.

So if you want to send an invite that’s a little different from the usual store-bought card which you sprinkled a bit of glitter on to make it look like you’d made them yourself, how about inviting them with a bespoke video?

That’s what Absolut Vodka are offering and you can find out how to do it by watching the video below. Look at how clean the host’s house is.

You’re competing with that!

This post was sponsored by Absolut, if you hadn’t guessed.

More Eurovision betting odds for you. More! Forever! Or until May, which certainly feels like forever away.

We have some tragic news for you today. Thanks to Eurovision regulations, the Bosnian Eurovision entry Laka – who you should vote for, by the way – isn’t allowed to bring his chicken onstage with him during his performance. It’s sad, but not that sad – he’s bringing a picture of the chicken onstage instead. Hooray for flimsy loopholes!

Here are the Eurovision betting odds for Malta, with help from Paddy Power…

Malta (pop. 399,867; a small and densely populated island nation in Southern Europe) Morena, Vodka

Ah, the irresponible booze song. Vodka is actually the first irresponsible Eurovision booze song since Denmark’s I’m Shitfaced On Pikey Cider in 1978, so congratulations to Malta for that. It’s just a shame that your song is so useless. Vodka sounds exactly like Namco World in the middle of half term in an echo chamber, and – as cute as Morena is – the fact that she sings it like Anastasia possessed by an evil spirit doesn’t exactly help much either. But what’s the song actually about? Let’s try and find out by taking a look at the lyrics: “VODKA that’s the secret word/ VODKA and they want it so bad/ VODKA I’ve deciphered the code/Got a rush in the head VODKA” Just a hunch, but we think it might be about vodka. Could be wrong. Current Eurovision betting odds – 50/1

Tomorrow: Moldova! But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Eurovision betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.