Posts tagged as:

VMAs

No MTV VMAs For Britney Spears, Despite Obvious Comic Potential

by Stuart Heritage on August 27, 2008 3 Comments

We knew this day would come, but we never really managed to prepare for it. It’s the day that – God, this is hard – Britney Spears gained self-awareness.

What makes us so sure of this? How about the fact that, despite rumours to the contrary, Britney Spears has refused to perform at this year’s MTV VMAs? Apparently she fears it’ll be a hopelessly incompetent retread of last year’s hopelessly incompetent MTV VMA performance, recently voted the biggest single atrocity to ever happen to mankind by us in a vote in our head just now.

You know what this means, don’t you? Without Britney Spears around, the MTV VMAs is going to be – gulp – professional. Urgh. Seriously, one of the Jonas Brothers had better be planning to soil himself onstage and then slip around in the mess like a baby deer on an ice rink, because right now that’s all we’ve got left to cling to.

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We knew this day would come, but we never really managed to prepare for it. It's the day that - God, this is hard - Britney Spears gained self-awareness. What makes us so sure of this? How about the fact that, despite rumours to the contrary, Britney Spears has refused to perform at this year's MTV VMAs? Apparently she fears it'll be a hopelessly incompetent retread of last year's hopelessly incompetent MTV VMA performance, recently voted the biggest single atrocity to ever happen to mankind by us in a vote in our head just now. You know what this means, don't you? Without Britney Spears around, the MTV VMAs is going to be - gulp - professional. Urgh. Seriously, one of the Jonas Brothers had better be planning to soil himself onstage and then slip around in the mess like a baby deer on an ice rink, because right now that's all we've got left to cling to.

Britney Spears Never Learns, Vol 14: A Return To The VMAs

by Stuart Heritage on July 25, 2008 6 Comments

Last year’s MTV VMAs marked the precise moment when Britney Spears’ life went from ‘amusingly wonky’ to ‘toe-curling and nightmarish’.

People still talk about Britney’s VMA performance of Gimme More with the glazed tremble of a war survivor. The bikini, the drawn-on stomach, the stumbling, the dire miming – as well as effectively ending Britney Spears’ career for good it also caused up to 300 unwitting viewers to completely lose their eyesight.

Clearly, then, Britney Spears would be stupid to ever return to the MTV VMAs. Worse than stupid, in fact – Britney Spears would be showing such a profound lack of self-awareness that she should be encased in ice and sent around schools as a warning to future generations of the negative effects of celebrity.

So what might Britney Spears do at this year’s MTV VMAs? That’s right. Oh, don’t look so surprised.

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Last year's MTV VMAs marked the precise moment when Britney Spears' life went from 'amusingly wonky' to 'toe-curling and nightmarish'. People still talk about Britney's VMA performance of Gimme More with the glazed tremble of a war survivor. The bikini, the drawn-on stomach, the stumbling, the dire miming - as well as effectively ending Britney Spears' career for good it also caused up to 300 unwitting viewers to completely lose their eyesight. Clearly, then, Britney Spears would be stupid to ever return to the MTV VMAs. Worse than stupid, in fact - Britney Spears would be showing such a profound lack of self-awareness that she should be encased in ice and sent around schools as a warning to future generations of the negative effects of celebrity. So what might Britney Spears do at this year's MTV VMAs? That's right. Oh, don't look so surprised.