Vivienne Marcheline - HecklerSpray

Brad Pitt Briefly Mentions Twins, Everyone Literally Goes Mental

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Brad Pitt should be busy promoting his new movie, but he’s not because he said four words that sent the entire world into a giant dribbly tizzy.

“The twins are fine.” That’s it. That’s what Brad Pitt said. The four most important words ever spoken by a human being. “The twins are fine.” Thank god, Brad Pitt has finally grown enough balls to publicly admit that the twins – while not ecstatically happy with their lives – are at least free of any major diseases, abnormal growths or traces of profound clinical depression.

That’s provided that Brad Pitt was talking about his two newborn baby twins Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline, of course. He might have been discussing The Proclaimers. We honestly can’t be bothered to check.

Nice’s Mayor Makes Jolie-Pitt Twin Birth Official, Just So You Know

March 24th, 2009 By hecklerspray staff

The mayor of Nice officially welcomed the newborn Jolie-Pitt twins into the world yesterday, begging the question, who gives a giant rip? It’s not like there’s anything worthwhile about it.

But, according to hecklerspray financial analysts, that’s not entirely true if you’re a newborn Jolie-Pitt twin.

Having the mayor of Nice welcome little Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt into the world is worth roughly the equivalent of four of each of the adopted Jolie-Pitt children, a baker’s dozen Suri Cruises, 237 giant panda twins born to Gou Gou last week, or over one thousand of any of the Spears‘ spawn, especially the illegitimate one. All of which are quite surprisingly positive values considering the detrimental impact of oil prices on the economy as of late.

Angelina Jolie Gives Her Babies Depressingly Normal Names

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

So Angelina Jolie has finally given birth to those baby twins she seems to have been pregnant with for the last 28 months.

And now that Angelina Jolie has increased her ever-expanding brood of biological and adopted kids to six, you’d expect that she’d be thrilled, wouldn’t you? Well think again – if the babies’ names are anything to go by, Angelina Jolie bloody well hates the pair of them.

Why? Because we all know that Angelina Jolie loves to give her children all sorts of zany names, but these new ones? Angelina’s actually given them names that they’ll be able to pronounce? Urgh! Worst of all, they’re not even made up-names! One’s called Leon and the other one’s called Vivienne – Angelina may as well have just slapped them both in the face at birth and had done with it.