Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

As paranormal events go, this one really stands out. It stands out, perhaps, because we’ve never heard of anything quite like it. There are no UFOs to speak of, nobody’s claimed a terrifying ape-man encounter deep in the woods, and as far as we can tell nobody’s gotten ghost-hickeys.

Ask our Aunt Sally about the hickeys.

Today’s topic is a man who has appeared in everybody’s dream.

There appears to be some very strange epidemic wherein one man is being seen in the dreams of people all over the world.

You’re probably wondering exactly how anybody could possibly know that their dream phantom looks exactly like one who haunts the night-fantasies of so many others. The answer is simple – from ThisMan.org:

“In January 2006 in New York, the patient of a well-known psychiatrist draws the face of a man that has been repeatedly appearing in her dreams. In more than one occasion that man has given her advice on her private life. The woman swears she has never met the man in her life.

“That portrait lies forgotten on the psychiatrist’s desk for a few days until one day another patient recognizes that face and says that the man has often visited him in his dreams. He also claims he has never seen that man in his waking life.

“The psychiatrist decides to send the portrait to some of his colleagues that have patients with recurrent dreams. Within a few months, four patients recognize the man as a frequent presence in their own dreams. All the patients refer to him as THIS MAN.”

Not everybody who sees This Man is necessarily getting life changing advice from him. Some people are just flying through the air with him at their side. Some see him escorting them out of a shopping mall with a confusing floor plan, and still others find themselves making sweet, sticky love to him all day long forever and ever.

Or something.

Some say he’s a human being who’s somehow obtained the ability to project himself into people’s dreams anywhere in the world. Some say while doing so he can change his appearance so that he’d never be recognised in the street. Still other’s think it’s God himself gracing the sleep-time of mortals across the globe.

Our theory is that Israel is somehow behind all this, and they’re doing it to eventually get all westerners attracted to sheep.

That’s not really our theory, but those guys sure catch flack, don’t they?

Now you all know that we here at hecklerspray are truly dedicated to getting multiple sources for absolutely every story we ever tell you. This time, however, we’re not going to do that because there are three bats perched in an office corner behind us and the closest broom is two floors down.

We’re a bit panicked, you understand.

As such, we’ll close out today’s story with a bunch of alleged first hand encounter quotes from the same website we just used.

Again, it’s from ThisMan.org:

“I have had this recurrent dream for some years now. A tall, dark man shows me a picture and asks me if I can recognise my father in it. The man in the picture is this man I have never seen before, he looks nothing like my dad, nevertheless I inexplicably answer that I do recognize my father. At this point I usually wake up feeling very peaceful. Other times the dream continues, I am standing before my father’s grave, I place some flowers on the ground and I realise the photograph on the tombstone is missing.”

“I fell in love with him from the very first time I saw him in my dream. Even though if I think about it I must admit he’s really ugly. And yet each and every time, he sweeps me off my feet with his romantic gestures and sweet words. He buys me flowers, jewellery, he takes me out to dinner or to the beach to watch the sunset.”

“I have always had this dream of flying in the sky over my city and observing my friends from up there. Since I moved to another house I started meeting this man while flying. Not every single time that I have this dream about flying, but often enough. He flies too, but he never speaks.”

“The first time I had a dream about this man I was having a hard time at work. I had a dream about getting lost in a huge and deserted shopping mall. Suddenly this man appeared and I started running away from him. He chased after me for what seemed like an hour until I found myself against a wall in the kids’ area in a supermarket. At this point he smiled at me and he showed me the way out towards the cash desks and I woke up. Ever since that night this man has appeared in all of my dreams and he always gives me directions to get out of the dream and wake up.”

“I have never had homosexual relationships or even fantasies. But I dream about having sexing with this man all the time. I must admit he has a lot of imagination and he pleases me. Sometimes when I wake up I discover I have had a nocturnal emission.”

“I saw this man in my dream, dressed as Santa Klaus. When he showed up I felt so happy, just like when I was a little girl. Then he smiled at me and his head became a balloon,floating in the air above me, but no matter how hard I tried to catch it, I just couldn’t reach it.”

Now if you’ll excuse us, we’ve several bats to pin to the ground, trap in a bag and toss out a window.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter

It's been a while since we stopped by Planet Britney, mostly because there are only so many ways you can poke fun at the mentally unwell.

However, it seems as if Britney Spears might actually be getting better in leaps and bounds, because she's just been granted that most valuable of parenting rights – the overnight visit. 

Sean Preston and Jayden James being able to sleep at their mother's house isn't just good news for Britney Spears – Kevin Federline will also benefit from the ruling – it means he'll now get to wake up some mornings without the hassle of dealing with crap and piss-covered bedsheets. Seriously, sneaking them into the washing machine before the kids woke up and wondered why daddy's room smelt funny was such a chore.

It's been a long, hard, harrowing journey so far – sometimes it felt like being trapped in a tunnel with no beginning and no end. There have been tears, there have been tantrums, but finally the clouds are starting to lift – Britney Spears might be getting well enough for us not to feel like monsters for taking the piss out of her. Hooray!

Ever since she locked herself in a bathroom topless with one of her kids and didn't come out until the brain doctors turned up, we've had to say goodbye to comically unaware Britney Spears, and had to make do with a Britney Spears who was such an unfit liability that she wasn't even allowed to go to the toilet by herself for fear that she'd wind up trying to strangle herself with her own piss-stream in a traumatic cry for help.

However, with the help of her parents, Britney Spears has been fighting to get better. And this has been for one reason only – to get her kids back. Sure, Britney might have behaved slightly irresponsibly with them in the past but – spurred on by the knowledge that her sons probably lose two or three of their already meagre IQ points for every hour they spend in direct contact with Kevin Federline – she's made winning them back her absolute goal.

And yesterday Britney Spears took a very definite step forward. That's right – Britney Spears has now been granted permission to lie unconscious in an entirely separate room to her equally unconscious children. Happy days! E! Online reports:

The court session, attended by both Spears and Kevin Federline, resulted in "a change of visitation status" for the new aunt, Los Angeles Superior Court spokesman Allan Parachini told reporters at a brief posthearing press conference. Sources told E! News that Court Commissioner Scott Gordon granted Spears overnight visits with her sons, beginning as soon as this weekend.

It's a proud moment for Britney Spears' recovery, that's for sure. In effect the Court Commissioner has said that Britney Spears isn't as likely to stay up all night letting off an unrelenting stream of harrowing animal yowls as she was before. Or that she is as likely to do that but it'll sound like a beautiful lullaby to the kids after six months of hearing Popozao all the poxy time. We haven't quite worked that one out yet.

Anyway, congratulations to Britney Spears for reaching this important landmark. We look forward to the day when we can once again mock you for your dreadful fashion choices without having to quietly wonder if you're dressing like that because you're actually insane.