There's an old saying that goes 'An Englishman's home is his castle, and if he ever wants to imprison a Scandinavian male prostitute in his castle against his wishes then that's probably OK'.

But sadly it seems like America, the so-called land of the free, has got some issues about people chaining male prostitutes to their walls and vaguely insulting them for a bit. Just ask Boy George.

Boy George is just about to set off on a tour of America, except that now he can't get a visa because of his upcoming prostitute-chaining trial. Not that Boy George should worry too much, though. We know for a fact that there are plenty of other countries who'll give you visas no matter how many terrified manwhores you've chained up to a wall in your sordid little sex dungeon. Um, we read that in a book or something once. Ahem.

Hecklerspray are a bunch of merry people who would never inflict any harm on you.

We’d do anything to help you out. Say you thought some Russian military types had tampered with your food; we’d be there to help you. Sure, we’d be putting our own life at risk as we gingerly slurped your tomato soup, but we love you and would never turn down your request.

However, there are some factors that we can’t control: famine, Bono, global warming and hay fever (oh dear God the hay fever). At first the problem is confined to one area, but it then slowly spreads around the world. Look at Bono - Ireland suffered for so long until he was unleashed to the world.

Now it's England’s turn to unleash one of their ropiest creations, this time on an unsuspecting America. Lily Allen has been granted a visa. Batten down the hatches, quick!

Amy Winehouse has missed out on the biggest night of her life, and it's all because of that darn 'Amy Winehouse getting hammered on crack' video.

Amy was supposed to be performing at the Grammys this weekend, but her request for an American visa has been denied, possibly because she'd explode the faces off every sniffer dog in a 50-mile radius the instant she landed at LAX.

Still, ever the trouper Amy Winehouse has vowed to do her Grammys performance live by satellite - just as soon as she's worked out whether her husband's prison or the confines of her drug rehab centre will make the more attractive backdrop.

Throughout all her bad times, Amy Winehouse has been focused like a hawk on one thing and one thing only.

And that's performing at the Grammy this weekend. Amy Winehouse is up for six trophies and she also knows that performing will bring her an insane amount of exposure, leaving more people than ever before whispering plaudits like "Is she OK?" and "My God, what's happened to her teeth?"

But Amy Winehouse might not be able to go to the Grammies this weekend, and that's because the police have just decided to talk to her about the video of her honking on her crack pipe like it was going out of fashion.