Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
Everyone has a soft spot for Scaletrix and slot car racing. There’s something incredibly satisfying about watching little cars veer off the track at the squeeze of a trigger. No, not in a JFK way you monster!
The dream, as a kid, is to make bigger, fancier tracks with increasingly faster cars.
Well, a group of brilliantly nerdy old men from Finland have made that dream a reality, with slot cars that go at 100mph. The video that accompanies this article is brain-frying.
Imagine you have access to an African Bullfrog. Once you’d finished singing The Beatles’ ‘Hey Bulldog’ at it, there’s very little you can do with it away from feeding it and mopping up the mess it makes.
Right?
Wrong. See, one bright bulb decided to get his frog and make it play Ant Crusher (that’s a game you get on phones, y’dozy widge! What have you been doing for the past year?). Of course, what unfurls is asking for trouble. As the kidz say, FAIL.
Christmas is-a-coming, and the geese are getting fat. Handy really as they’ll probably be eaten soon along with turkeys, vegetables, pudding and of course, lots of mulled wine and the like.
As much as it pains us, we really like Christmas. It’s all about eating, drinking and allowing us the opportunity to crack a smile once a year. Of course, we’ll be sulking after watching an hour of Christmas television, but the idea of Christmas is overwhelmingly brilliant for a period.
And we’re not the only ones getting in the Yuletide spirit! And what better way to get you in the mood than Christmas music which, despite what the shops blurt out, ain’t all bad at all!
Sometimes, here on the hallowed hecklerspray, we like to include things that are barely newsworthy. We’re not talking about the pointless goings-on of celebrities and such, rather, things that are just plain odd.
Like what?
Well, when you see the bemulletted man who we’re calling The Detroit Whistler, you’ll know exactly what we mean. He can whistle like a champ! Not like Roger Whittaker though. This man seems to whistle from his Adam’s Apple. Watch. Widen your eyes.
We all dream of doing something cool for a living, right? Becoming a bass-player in a hot band or making ice-sculptures for obscenely wealthy investor balls. Well, some people actually have the nerve to go and do it.
We’re not jealous at all. Nope.
Okay. We’re hugely envious of these people. However, listening to them speak can be rather inspiring, mainly because the cynic in you thinks ‘Hey! Look at this bozo! I could do his job!‘ Well, Sailor Jerry have made a buncha short films looking at people who have enviously great jobs but aren’t idiots with it.
Sometimes, we like to throw things your way that are just so unbearably brilliant, that there’s no words. Of course, we have to tap out some words because we have a format to adhere to. Sorry about that.
However, if you’re reading these words right now, you’re already wasting time. You should’ve already clicked over the jump to see the most incredible thing EVER EVER EVER!
Seriously. Everything that mankind has ever achieved is utterly, utterly redundant after seeing the marvel that is Hamburg’s Miniatur Wunderland. Honestly. Why are you reading still? WATCH THE STINKIN’ VIDEO!
?South London, Friday night, 1990. Louis Theroux, Adam Buxton & Joe Cornish do some authentic hip-hop style dancing to Dee Lite?s classic Groove Is In The Heart?
Read that again.
If that doesn’t make you giddy, then you’re dead to us. Or, you have different tastes and that’s fine. Whatever. Either way, what you should already be doing is clicking the read more button because there is a video waiting for you that is going to slap a gigantic smile right across your stupid face.
We like to cause trouble here at hecklerspray. You knew that right? That’s why you’re going to vote for us at the Cosmo Blog Awards isn’t it?
Inspired by that guy who did a pretty lousy job of hitting Rupert Murdoch with a custard pie (he did a much better job of getting smacked upside his head by Mrs Murdoch mind you), we thought we’d jape one off in a formal setting.
Behold! The video of a flying dildo in Russia!
When Britney Spears sang about being a slave, you may have thought she was being a little disrespectful to actual slaves.
For starters, slaves don’t get paid nearly as handsomely as she does and they certainly don’t get to choose who they’ll be slaves for.
However, we have a lot to thank our slaves chums for as the video over the jump testifies. Raises your glasses and shout ‘SLAVES!’ as loudly as you can.
Think you’re a good dancer? When shaking your ‘thang’ (Jeezis! We just said ‘thang’. Feel free to kill us now), do you adopt the third person and see yourself throwing wonderful shapes like you’re in Studio 54?
Alternatively, do you like to dance but are acutely aware of the fact that you’re fist-chewingly awkward, rattling around the dancefloor with all the grace and poise of a cat being forced into a bath?
Either way, there’s a man who exists on this awful planet of ours who will make a mockery of your stupid dancing. Seriously. Even though he’s moving around to some pretty lousy dubstep (the worst genre since trance was a thing, yet soon to be overtaken by ‘witch house’ which has made us laugh like flushing toilets), he will make your eyes pop out on stalks. Click over and watch a video that will make you never dance again.
