Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
What is Kevin Costner famous for? Well, he sang I Will Always Love You and said “back, and to the left” for five hours straight in JFK and… uh… he was in the terrible Waterworld. And that’s about it.
And now, getting the chance to redeem himself from such atrocities, he now being lamer than a horse sanctuary, wimping out of Quentin Tarantino’s ‘Django Unchained’.
Thank god we’ve got Kurt Russell – a real man – to take his place. Whaddaguy!
The riots in London have seen unprecedented horseshit. People are randomly saying place names and everyone is getting really jumpy, wishing they’d built nuclear bunkers filled with sausages and beans in a tin, where they’ll hide until armageddon comes.
Today has seen Londoners going out in force with brooms and bin bags, attempting to tidy up the mess caused by the fires and looting. Some of them will no doubt find a load of iPads under a hedge and trouser them.
But where are our celebrities? Well, they’re hiding in their gated communities, tweeting about it all like they give two hoots, condemning the rioters and ordering everyone to tidy up because, let’s face it, they’re certainly not going to do it.
When Quentin Tarantino makes a movie, it is always interesting to see who he’ll cast. He plunders old b-movie actors and the like, putting them up against proper A-listers. He also clearly gets aroused over Uma Thurman’s massive feet, but that’s another story.
While we can’t guess where he’ll go for his cult actors, it appears that the big name attached to his new slavesploitation flick, Django Unchained, is the one and only Leonardo DiCaprio who weirdly can’t act and isn’t that good-looking anymore, but still seems to get gigantic roles.
Sadly, one name that has dropped out of the race is Will Smith who isn’t so keen on playing the title role of slave Django. Shame. It would’ve been interesting to see how the two would have worked together, so we guess we’ll just have to wait and see which action movie Smith with gurn in next.
So this chap called Shifty Shellshock, who has recently been whoring himself on reality TV and and is in a band called Crazy Town, was picked up by the LAPD for knocking his ?lady? about.
He denies it and who are we to argue? He told an interviewer that he didn’t
do domestic violence
and that the cops were there because his girlfriend was
being too loud.
Whether it’s by singing about kissing girls or by slightly looking a bit like a man, Katy Perry has never shied away from controversy.
And because of this affinity for controversy, Katy Perry is currently getting the hiding of her life. A couple of days ago The Sun published a photo of Katy Perry posing with a knife accompanied by a headline similar to but not exactly ‘BURN THE WITCH FOR SHE KNOWES MAGICK!’ and now all hell has broken loose.
So, with the sound of tabloid disapproval ringing in her ears, Katy Perry has released a statement saying that she is ‘against all violence’. Problem solved. Now The Sun can get back to the real threat to the nation’s youth – all those pictures of Katy Perry wearing 1940s swimsuits. Seriously, if we start seeing girls dressed as WWII cheesecake models in the street, we’re going to form a mob and burn Katy’s house down.
Lily Allen – she’s that one who had pink hair, a godawful TV show and is generally a waste of space.
Yeah, that sounds about right. Well now it would seem she’s got herself into MMA – that’s mixed martial arts – with some hardcore street fighting action. Well, hardcore may be a bit far, but Lily Allen did go and try to beat up a random French girl for insulting her.
And we shouldn’t forget that she also managed to swear like a navvie, and she managed to do all of this in front of about 32,000 paparazzi and other press hounds. Not a bad effort, we have to say. But to top off all the topping offs that could be topped off, there’s a video too – and it’s after the jump.
PR stunts are wonderful things. Well, that’s a lie – they tend to be pretty rubbish in the most part, and aside from the odd grandiose piece of artistic wondery they tend to highlight how awful the world of marketing and PR is.
Just ask Ashanti, whose marketing team decided it would be a good idea to encourage ultraviolence, if not murder, with fans of the R&B ‘star’.
It’s a bold move, that’s for sure, but we can’t help but think it’s one that should have had a little more thought put into it before being unleashed on the world.
Nicole Kidman is married to an alcoholic country singer. She also fierce campaigns to end violence towards women. These two facts are completely unrelated.
And yesterday Nicole Kidman went to the United Nations headquarters in New York to further her cause. Speaking in front of the world’s media, Nicole Kidman told the world’s press about her commitment to the campaign. With the help of world governments and the United Nations, Nicole Kidman said, within ten years she can meet her target of having 75% of the world’s females married off to alcoholic country singers.
What? Nicole Kidman was actually talking about the violence towards women thing? Oh, what a hilarious misunderstanding.
