“Knees up Mother Brown! Pass the dog and bone whilst I pop up the old apple and pears!” This is how a typical person from London talks and we have no clearer example of this than Grade A bell-end and all round East End geezah, Danny Dyer.
As a proper Cockerney hardnut, Danny is the American equivalent of Steven Seagal who somehow gets away with making terrible films again and again.
We all know him from top quality cinema flicks such as erm… and urm… where he points his finger at some muppets, swears repeatedly and dishes out the pain. Recently, Danny Dyer was most known for his horrific ghost written colums where he advocated violence to women. Apart from that, we thought he disappeared in to the hole he came from and died peacefully. Read More >>>
Escape To Victory is a proper, classic football film. That said, this is only because it’s just about bearable, unlike 99% of all other films featuring men kicking a glorified pig’s bladder around a bit of grass in their knickers and vests.
The 1981 film featured a young Sylvester Stallone alongside Michael Caine and whole bunch of cameos from famous footballers like Pele and… er… Russell Osman. Apparently, during the shoot, a cocky young Stallone bet Pele $100 that he could save at least one of ten penalties taken by the Brazilian superstar. The first nine glided in no bother… the tenth nearly broke Stallone’s arm, teaching him a lesson not to piss around with professional sportsmen.
Anyway, the film is apparently going to be remade according to The Guardian and footballer-turned-sort of actor Vinnie Jones is behind it all. Weirder yet, he wants David Beckham to star in it.
Testicle Grabber Jones is hoping that an appearance from the charisma vacuum Beckham will help to popularise the film in America (where no-one really likes ‘soccer’). Sexy Texts Beckham would step into the role and sweaty boots of predecessor Bobby Moore, who played Terry Brady in the original. Sadly, that means, we won’t get to see Beckham doing the famous “I do dees, I do dees, I do dees…” chalkboard skit.
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You’ve clicked on this post because you either want to see what a smokin’ ace looks like, or because you want to see a trailer for that film with Vinnie Jones.
If it was the former – sorry, you won’t find that here. If it was the latter, you’re in luck! This video is exclusive to us by all accounts, so feel free to enjoy it that little bit more.
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There was another Celebrity Big Brother double eviction on Friday night, with Sisqo and Stephen Baldwin getting the chop.
Frankly we’re heartbroken. We had high hopes that Stephen Baldwin would end up winning Celebrity Big Brother. He was Celebrity Big Brother‘s Jedward. He could have gone on to release a cover of Ice Ice Baby with Vanilla Ice had he won. But no, you people made sure that would never happen. You idiots.
Still, this is the final week of Celebrity Big Brother and, like it or not, someone’s got to win. Let’s find out who it’ll be…
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Celebrity Big Brother viewer, you have spoken. And it’s because of you that Heidi and Katia are no more.
Not literally no more, you understand – this is Celebrity Big Brother, not Jim’ll Fix It – but they’ve been evicted anyway. What’ll they do now that they’re free agents? Who knows – our guess is that Katia will try to sell lurid stories about Basshunter‘s penis and Heidi will continue to slowly and visibly melt like some kind of depressed snowman – but let’s forget about those idiots.
There are still all kinds of woeful dullards in the Celebrity Big Brother house, so let’s have a peek at them instead. Good idea? No? Well tough, we’re doing it anyway…
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Celebrity Big Brother is here again, for the very last time. Oh, at least try to look excited, would you?
Because when it’s gone, it’s gone for good. And where will you get to see barely-famous Z-listers debasing themselves in a series of horrific ways for a comparatively meagre amount of cash when it’s over? What? Hotel Babylon? Oh.
But anyway, as is our wont, we’ll be dipping in and out of Celebrity Big Brother over the next few weeks to keep you up to date about whatever dreary self-promoting nonsense the housemates happen to be getting up to. But before that, let’s look at this year’s collection of Celebrity Big Brother subnormals, shall we?
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Vinnie Jones was glassed in the face at the most inopportune time – he was just about the to start the Merchant Ivory phase of his career.
But now that he’s had 48 stitches in his face, that’s all over. Now we’ll never have the pleasure of watching Vinnie Jones starring in would-be classics like Gimme A Room Wiv A Fackin View, ‘Owerd’s Bleedin’ Bellend and Hullabaloo Over Georgie and Bonnie’s Pictures? I’ll Give You A Hullabaloo Over Georgie and Bonnie’s Pictures Yer Filfy Nonce.
Anyway, nobody’s been charged for Vinnie Jones’ brawl. We could have said that to begin with, really.
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You may recognise Vinnie Jones as Juggernaut from X-Men 3 – but, whatever you do, you must never actually tell him that.
Seriously, don’t. There’s so much more to Vinnie Jones than being in an X-Men film, like being the mute thug in that John Travolta thriller from seven years ago, or being the ninth male lead in Eurotrip. Honestly, the man is an artist.
So don’t tell Vinnie Jones that you recognise him from X-Men because, if you do, he’ll beat you up until he gets arrested. Which seems to be more or less exactly what happened in South Dakota last week.
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“Knees up Mother Brown! Pass the dog and bone whilst I pop up the old apple and pears!” This is how a typical person from London talks and we have no clearer example of this than Grade A bell-end and all round East End geezah, Danny Dyer. 
