Leonardo DiCaprio, you are an idiot. An actual, dribbling, barely comprehensible buffoon. Your stupidity alarms us.
Haven’t you been watching? What’s the most important lesson that anybody has learnt over the last couple of weeks? That’s right – that you don’t make Mel Gibson angry. You just don’t. You do whatever he says, because if you don’t you’ll end up on the receiving end of 30 increasingly terrifying phonecalls where Mel Gibson will swear at you, tell you that you deserve to be raped, berate you for lack of enthusiasm when it comes to oral sex and pant like a weirdo for upwards of 45 minutes at a time. To reiterate, YOU DON’T MAKE MEL GIBSON ANGRY.
So what has Leonardo DiCaprio done? He’s decided that he doesn’t want to be in Mel Gibson’s new film any more. The idiot. May God have mercy on his soul.
