There are two reasons why celebrities don't often complain about their lives: 1) because their lives are brilliant and 2) because it makes them look like twats if they do.

Victoria Beckham clearly wasn't sent this particular memo, though, because she's on the front cover of Vogue this month complaining about how tough it is to be her, what with all the money and fame and jewels and whatnot. 

Victoria Beckham does have a point, of course - remove the giant LA mansion and husband who earns close to a million dollars a week and what are you left with? A scrawny orange twig with a speaking voice like a narcoleptic hairdresser and a face that looks like it was caught in a lift. So on this basis, yes, Victoria Beckham has got plenty to whinge about.

Forget Christmas, Easter or that one day we're allowed to be unchained from our desks for 30 minutes, Mr Blackwell's worst-dressed list is always our favourite time of year.

Once a year at the start of January, thousand-year-old Mr Blackwell is temporarily defrosted from his diamante-studded cryogenic chamber, flicks through a few celebrity magazines and then lists the ten worst-dressed people of the year, spending extra-special time to make sure each celebrity description sounds like some sort of froth-mouthed witch's incantation.

And this year we'd like to advise Victoria Beckham not to read Mr Blackwell's list. That's assuming she can read, of course, which we'll admit is a stretch.

We asked and you responded - here come the long-awaited results of the hecklerspray UK Trainwreck Of The Year survey 2007.

Back in November we asked you to tell us which British celebrities had buggered their lives and reputations up more than anyone with either alcohol, booze, a scant regard for the law or just gigantic, all-encompassing stupidity, and you responded in your thousands. Thank you one and all. But who is the biggest UK Trainwreck Of The Year?

It's a prestigious title, that's for sure - similar in status to an Oscar or a sainthood - and the top ten Trainwrecks include Kate Moss, Jade Goody, Heather Mills, Pete Doherty, Charley From Big Brother, Joss Stone, Amy Winehouse, Victoria Beckham and Naomi Campbell - but in what order? Let's find out...

If any of you want to appear fascinating to Barbara Walters, here's a tip - why not try splitting your time between humourless self-absorption and badly-tuned mewing with a touring nostalgic pop act?

Because that's what Victoria Beckham has done, and it's got her into Barbara Walters' prestigious 10 Most Fascinating People Of The Year list. Although her complete failure to establish herself as an actress or presenter on American TV might make it look as if Victoria Beckham has had a massively depressing year, at least the inclusion on Barbara Walters' fascinating list means it hasn't been a total disaster. And we're so happy for her that we're willing to overlook the fact that Barbara Walters calling Victoria Beckham fascinating is basically an admission that 2007 was so drearily unfascinating that everyone might as just suffocate themselves to death in their sleep tonight.

What with the imminant Spice Girls reunion, the accompanying braindead Tesco adverts and the multimillionaire footballer husband, you'd think that Victoria Beckham was probably doing OK for publicity at the moment.

But since we understand that Victoria Beckham's quest for attention won't rest until all TV stations show nothing but an unsmiling image of her face, all newborn babies are genetically altered to look just like her and planet Earth is renamed planet Victoria Beckham Isn't An Idiot Actually, she's not satisfied with any of this. And that's presumably why Victoria Beckham has decided to get naked. However, Victoria Beckham is only getting naked for a new T-shirt design, putting to rest any fears that she's going to strip off in the middle of Picadilly Circus screaming "LOVE ME!" over and over again until she starts crying and someone from St John's Ambulance has to take her for a sit down and a nice cup of tea.