Victoria Beckham - HecklerSpray

The 10 Most Beautiful Families in Hollywood

June 10th, 2014 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

sexiest

To the surprise of no one, Hollywood is filled with hot babes. Hell, I make a minor living talking about how beautiful everyone is, and, in most cases, sexiness doesn’t fall too far from the tree. Hollywood doesn’t just have hot families, it has straight up stunning families where everyone looks so perfect you could just barf (well, I couldn’t. I have esophagus problems).

Trying to pick just ten families that epitomize perfection was easier said than done, but these ten will probably make you look at your own family and say “Oh my god, I never realized what hideous hobos you all were!” and look at your children and say?”Get cute, ugly!”

Victoria Beckham Without Makeup

Victoria Beckham may be a successful and respected fashion designer married to world famous ex-footballer David Beckham, but she will never escape her roots as Posh Spice.

She rarely smiles and looks in desperate need of a burger so the fashion conscious icon must get her energy by drinking the blood of virgins or something because she manages to be a hands on mother of four as well as a business woman. Victoria Beckham without makeup looks great.

The Dumb Things Celebrities Do to Stay Young

November 8th, 2012 By Nic Ferguson

It’s not easy being good-looking and famous. We slam celebrities for being superficial, yet we criticize them for looking older and less attractive. It’s no wonder the rich and famous are constantly on the hunt for the fountain of youth; I don’t blame ’em. But you have to draw a line somewhere, and personally, I draw it at live leeches on my face. But you know who doesn’t? Demi Moore.

Yup, Demi uses live leeches to detox her blood and stay young. If that’s not crazy enough for you, here are some of the most ridiculous regimens celebs use to in an everlasting quest to beat the biological clock.

Harper Seven Beckham Is More Powerful Than You?ll Ever Be

September 14th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

A dominant role in society is something that everybody craves. As you're reading this, you\’ll be imagining who the head honcho is in your boring office job, group of friends or members in the AA club.

What kind of person becomes a leader? Is it the bloke who makes all sorts of hilarious wisecracks? Or that weird looking sod who never gets involved, but always offers sound advice?

But who cares about real life people when there are celebs everywhere! Are we concerned that we?ll never meet them after spending thousands of pounds on travel so we can gawp at them? Of course not. So who's scorching hot and who's totally not? According to InStyle the top honour has gone to someone who can't feed herself properly. Not Paris Hilton, but Harper Seven Beckham.

Spice Girls Set For Humiliating Loss To Minnows At Eurovision 2012

August 19th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Clearly, the United Kingdom has learned no lessons from Eurovision. We won’t ever win because people ‘vote’ enough for us through the year, buying our many exported pop acts. Eurovision is a chance for these countries to show rightful contempt for us and, of course, celebrate their own.

Instead of playing a sob story like we endure on the likes of The X Factor and the like, we have started sending known acts in the misguided hope that they’ll pick up votes. Blue deservedly bombed thanks to being one of the most odious collections of men since Mugabe put a 5-a-side team together.

And next year, it looks like we’re set to send more pampered divs to the slaughterhouse as it appears that the Spice Girls will be going to Eurovision in 2012.

David And Victoria Beckham Have A Baby And Call It ‘Half Past Seven’ Or Something Stupid Like That

July 11th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

This weekend has been Baby Weekend, with a myriad of slebs all dropping sprogs. Matt Bellamy and Kate Hudson have had one, but no-one really cares about a Goldie Hawn’s daughter and a singer who looks like his whole face has been pinched in a vice every morning for the last two decades.

No, the big celebrity baby story of the weekend is David and Victoria Beckham’s little girl. She was cut out of the former Spice Girls’ stomach, to protect her tiny papercut of a front-bum from being stretched to snapping point, leaving her with one famous orifice.

And of course, they needed a name for this little bundle of potential let-down… and they’ve gone for Harper Seven.

Victoria Beckham Won’t Be Having Her Stupid Baby This Week, Okay?

July 5th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

The birth of any child is a wonderful thing… if of course, by ‘wonderful’, you actually mean ‘remarkably irritating’. See, when someone shunts a child from their middle, we’re supposed to treat it like some kind of miracle. Of course, no-one coos and fawns when someone brings a newborn foal into the office, still covered in amniotic gunk.

Childbirth isn’t any bigger or smarter than any other creature squirting out their shitting offspring. It’s dull and further proof that our future as humans is doomed as each baby grows up to be yet another alcopop drinking div in bad Asda George t-shirts.

When celebrities have babies growing in them, it is of even less relevance to us all, yet still we dribble enthusiastically, poised over our keys to tap out feigned glee to twitter accounts and Facebook fan pages. Victoria Beckham’s imminent idiot is one such example.

Victoria Beckham To Allow That Monster Eva Longoria To Be Godmother

June 14th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Victoria Beckham is having a baby and we’re supposed to give a flying fuck. No, we are. See, even though we won’t ever meet her, like anything she does or indeed, show even the vaguest flicker of interest in her vapid life, we must greet her new child with ticker tape. And hand grenades if you like.

We just don’t care.

We also don’t care that Posh Spice, which we’ll call her because it invariably irritates her, has asked stupid Eva Longoria to be the Godmother of her unborn daughter. A daughter that will, like all newborn babies, will look like a cross between a glans and a close-up of a tick.

Victoria Beckham Doesn’t Understand Why She’s Got A Big Belly During Pregnancy

May 26th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Here’s the kicker: When a sperm unifies with an egg and the cells split, resulting in a baby growing inside your womb, it will eventually start showing around your guts. You may look fat, but in actual fact, it’s just a human hiding under your skin. Right?

This is pretty basic science, but something Victoria Beckham doesn’t seem to understand.

Basically, Posh is hitting the gym constantly in a bid to stay thin, something that her ball-kicking husband, David, is keen to discourage her from. It would appear that one of the dimmest sportsmen on the planet has a better grasp of the gestation period than his wife. Which in itself is astonishing enough.

All The Spice Girls Hate Victoria Beckham And Her Imminent Baby

March 23rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

When the Spice Girls first exploded onto the popscene, they dominated the charts by simply shouting more loudly than anyone else. The curious thing was, is that they never seemed to like each other. Ever.

At the centre of the hate always seemed to be Geri Halliwell and Mel B, both vying for position as leader of the band when the truth of the matter is, Simon Fuller was always the one wearing the trousers. Well, literally.

And as the girls went their separate way, so the ill feeling loomed larger, with the exception of Emma Bunton who seems painfully pleasant. So are Geri and Mel B sneering at each other then? No, this time, Victoria Beckham is getting it in the neck, presumably because she’s had the audacity to become the most famous of the crew, despite being the least talented by some distance. Girl power and all that!