We’re going to start this off by dragging your collective minds out of the gutter… we mean the lips on her face. Anyone who thought different will be made to sit and write 1,000 lines, with an also-ostracised Editor Mof Gimmers.

Explaining why her breasts were cast to offset the bombastic and yet somehow monotonous and threadbare work of Michael Bay, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley has spoken about the facial features that got her bullied in secondary school.

It’s going to be a long summer filled with less-than-special effects and poorly-implemented 3D that’s going to make you whimper for something lower tech. A few of this season’s films look especially ropey on the old effects there; The Green Lantern and Captain America among the worst. As not even boys can suffer through 120 minutes of explosions, all of these films are going to have bonus boobs. Boobs, attached to some pretty-but-interchangeable woman, who’s onscreen intermittently to remind you there is a God.

In this case, those boobs belong to Rosie. She replaces an angry Megan Fox who left to join the Spice Girls, or something, according to an annoyed-sounding Shia LaBeouf.

Oh, did we not mention, Rosie was cast in Transformers: Dark Of The Moon because she’s comfortable larking about in her skivvies. Speaking about Megan’s departure, Shia told a newspaper that

‘Mike films women in a way that appeals to a 16-year-old sexuality. It’s Michael’s style. And I think [Megan] never got comfortable with it… Rosie comes with this Victoria’s Secret background, and she’s comfortable with it, so she can get down with Mike’s way of working and it makes the whole set vibe very different.’

Boobs. We actually weren’t kidding about that.

The model seems passable at worst in the trailer. But she’s doing herself no favours in her interviews. Not that it’s her fault, but time and time again she’s asked about her famous pout. Speaking to Maxim, Rosie admits her lips have magical powers. Which, of course, means she’s a witch and should be burned at the stake.

‘The rest of my body requires a lot of upkeep, but the lips are one thing I don’t have to work on. They’re funny, because they change colour with my mood. They get really, really red when I’m angry or passionate, and pale when I’m miserable or tired. But I suppose everyone else’s do too. They have a life of their own. they get me in trouble. You know mood rings? I’ve got mood lips.’

This was a guest post by Amy Grindhouse, so three stinkin’ cheers for that.

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Estella Warren may not be a household name exactly, but some of you may recognise her from Planet Of The Apes and the fact she used to get her busters out as a Victoria’s Secret model. We’re not especially interested in that – we’re more thrilled about her law breaking skills.

The professional thong-occupier is in all kindsa trouble with the law after she went nutso while completely plastered!

She was arrested in Los Angeles under suspicion of driving under the influence. How did anyone know she was off her bap? There’s the small matter of (allegedly) crashing into three parked cars in her Toyota Prius. She then drove away from the scene thinking that no-one would notice. But they did. And that’s when the real fun started!

A rep for the LA Sheriff’s Department says:

“Warren hit three parked cars in what was considered three separate collisions. Someone local heard the noise and called the police.”

The police then caught up with her and instead of holding up her hands and saying ‘fair cop; where do we go from here then?’, she thought the best course of action would be to kick an officer. She was hilariously re-arrested for felony battery.

So far, so typical of a celebrity arrest. However, Estella wasn’t finished by a long chalk.

Apparently, according to one of the drivers who saw their car pranged by a loaded bap-model, she decided to have a go at them as well!

They say:

“I believe she hit at least two other cars before she stopped. When I approached her she was obviously drunk and acting crazy. A few more residents approached her, but she started yelling and accused us of stealing things from her. When I told her she had to wait for the police to arrive she lashed out at me and started to ‘girl-slap’ me on my chest and arms.”

She was then taken to a local women’s police station (which sounds rather sexy, don’t you think? Not like Prisoner Cell Black H at all!) for processing. While getting booked, Warren somehow managed to pull a Houdini and wriggle out of her handcuffs and legged it out of the back door of the station! BRILLIANT!

The police rep continued:

“She was uncooperative and demanding. She removed her handcuffs and fled the police station. She was captured and transported back”

So she is now being booked for a hit and run, felony escape and DUI… this amounts to a champion bail of $100,000.Well done Estella. We need people like you now that Lindsay Lohan has gone boring.

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Victoria’s Secret? Well, it’s not really a secret at all.

Want to sell some underwear? Just get some of the hottest women alive to prance around in it.

It’s that simple. Seriously, stick Heidi Klum in an advert for anything and we would be at the front of the queue. Even if it is thrush cream.

Job done. But who are the hottest Victoria’s Secret models of all? Well, all we can say is, we certainly enjoyed trying to find out.

20. Marisa Miller

19. Karen Mulder

18. Rebecca Romijn

17. Olga Kurylenko

16. Jill Goodacre

15. Angie Everhart

14. Jarah Mariano

13. Selita Ebanks

12. Daniela Pestova

11. Bar Refaeli

10. Estella Warren

9. Chandra North

7. Alessandra Ambrosio

6. Niki Taylor

5. Laetitia Casta

4. Heidi Klum

3. Miranda Kerr

2. Gisele Bundchen

1. Adriana Lima

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