Three cheers for Woody Allen and his much maligned interest in younger women!

The news should finally shut up all the player-haters out there – you know who you are! The ones of you who thought it ‘weird’ for a man to show a sexual interest in his own adopted daughter.

Well you can now jump off your high horses because, like World War 2 before, the ends always justify the means and the sight of Scarlett and Penelope lezzin’ off is no doubt a joyful scene.

The on-screen lezathon is being credited with reviving the career of the sputtering genius filmmaker, whose film received a ten minute standing ovation, which is a weird amount of time to clap for anything, but well done.

According to OK! Magazine, one critic said of the scene:

It woke up all the dopey critics and practically got a standing ovation.

The film, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, is a romantic comedy wherein Cruz’s character meets Scarlett’s character in Barcelona, things happen, they lezz off, more things happen, and it ends.

The film also stars Penelope Cruz’s real-life boyfriend, Javier Bardem, who plays a character in the film that gets caught up in the plot somehow, doesn’t matter.

The scene was apparently intended by Woody to be his most erotic scene to date, and that’s something, as only Cliff Richard, Bill Cosby, Bruce Forsyth and Dennis Norden have stayed in their respective games longer.

Woody Allen said:

I want people to see the romance, and I wanted some laughs. I wanted to see two young women who go to Barcelona…and gradually things start to disintegrate [lezz off].

‘Disintegrate’ eh? Is that how today’s old people are referring to it, hmm? What happened to a good, old-fashioned lemonfest? They’re a morbid bunch, aren’t they?

Yes, they are. It’s largely because they’ll be dead soon and as we have no idea what that’s like lets pity them and let them have their own slang, lets even incorporate it into our own speech, as a way of saying: Well done old people! Despite the appalling strain you put on society you’re quite like us youngsters in many ways, what with the way you like watching girls kiss and stuff, so with that in mind thanks for everything!

Because we too literally cannot wait to see Scarlett disintegrate all over Penelope Cruz’s face, and it’s OK if you can’t wait too.

Viva la dirty, old bastard!

Read More – Lesbian Kiss Saves Woody, OK! Magazine

Look, we know that most people would rather remove their bellend with the rough side of a cheesegrater than actually watch a Woody Allen film these days, primarily because they’re all uniformly rubbish, but this one – entitled Vicky Cristina Barcelona – is different.

OK, it’s probably not that different at all really – we’re willing to bet it’ll be as painfully rubbish to watch as anything else Woody Allen has released in the last 20 years – but in this one Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz have a bit of a kiss. We’ve got the video after the jump, effectively saving you the price of a cinema ticket. We’re good to you, no?

It must be brilliant being Woody Allen. Just because he made maybe three good films in the 1970s he can get actors to do pretty much whatever he wants now. One minute he’s all like “Hey Scarlett Johansson, swan around in a tennis skirt for me,” and the next he’s like “Hey Ewan McGregor, be in this film of mine even though it’s obviously going to be awful. And do a funny accent while you’re at it!”

And now that he’s started making films in Spain, Woody Allen can be all like “Hey Scarlett Johansson again, get off with Penelope Cruz while I film it! Do it! I’m Woody Allen, director of Annie Hall, for God’s sake! It’s art! What? No, this isn’t an erection, whatever gave you that idea?”

Woody Allen’s new movie is called Vicky Christina Barcelona. It’s been billed as a ‘comedy drama’, which mean it’s either a naval-gazing exploration of blah blah blah snore, or a film that Woody Allen thinks is a comedy but since he stopped being funny several years ago it had to have the word ‘drama’ bunged onto the end to stop people feeling sorry for him.

But that’s not why people will go and see Vicky Christina Barcelona. Actually, nobody’s going to see Vicky Christina Barcelona anyway, because it’s a late-period Woody Allen film and they’d rather spend two hours doing something more fun, like letting infected AIDS monkeys chew on their balls.

But if anyone does go and see Vicky Christina Barcelona it’s because there’s apparently a lesbian sex scene between Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz in it, plus a threesome with Scarlett Johansson, Penelope Cruz and the bloke with the funny haircut from No Country For Old Men.

And guess what? There’s a hint of this Scarlett Johansson on Penelope Cruz action in the just-released Vicky Christina Barcelona trailer. Have a look…

Do you see what we did there? We made you watch one minute and 12 seconds of hopelessly dull, dialogue-free trailer for a film you’re never actually going to watch anyway just so you could see Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz kissing for less than two seconds. You pervert.

But has the promise of a Scarlett Johansson/ Penelope Cruz sex scene whetted your appetite to see Vicky Christina Barcelona? No, us neither. Looks rubbish, doesn’t it?