Here in the hecklerspray bedsit, we’re often told off for using inappropriate words to describe the girls’ genitalia. In fact, there was a time that Matthew Laidlow had to spend three weeks hooked up to a catheter after asking Joanna Bolouri?if he could cop a feel of her “pouch”. After that, Editor Mof came up with some severe guidelines on sexual?harassment?and the bedsit hasn’t been the same since.

The real question is, how do you refer to your genitals? It’s not because we have any real interest in knowing, you understand. We just want to focus on what’s important in this column. We want to focus on the real issues of the day and do that we need to know what you ladies call your vagina.

Okay, we’ll admit it. We don’t know, nor do we want to know.