Tila Tequila, also known as Miss Tila, also known as Who?, will be one of the guests on VH1′s Celebrity Rehab.

It has been noted, and not just by the show’s detractors, that even Z-listers turned down offers to appear – yet the show is featuring Tila. This should be good fun then, should it not?

For those who’ve been too busy enjoying the sunshine or otherwise doing something more productive, Tila is a former reality star. She’s a woman who, and even her own fans may concur, needs fame like the rest of us need air. She’s vaguely inoffensive – other than that business of tweeting excitedly about the death of her fiance like she’d just won the free PR lottery… and the pregnancies that weren’t pregnancies according to anti-Tila sites. Forget it. We give up. Tila has done some pretty appalling things, in the name of staying in the public eye.

We won’t bore you chewing over the details, but we will tell you Tila has a sudden prescription drug problem – a problem that seems to have been admitted out of the blue for the purpose of snagging a spot (no one else wanted) on the show (no one’s going to be watching). Celebrity Rehab, as you may guess from the name, is a show in which people who’ve fallen off the celebrity alphabet altogether seek help. That help comes in the form of Dr. Drew Pinsky. Drew is thought to be a bit of a quack, by some – as he offers asinine armchair diagnoses of celebrities like Lindsay Lohan, whom he doesn’t even treat.

There are going to be two nobodies on a show, that has been labelled a career killer, vying to cause more drama and make even more headlines – Tila with her shenanigans and Drew diagnosing everybody with unpronounceable, non-existent disorders. Sounds fun.

From Radar Online:

Tila Tequila says she has a prescription pill problem and is heading to VH-1’s Celebrity Rehab 4. The reality TV star broke the news on her Web site and (1) took a shot at Lindsay Lohan (2) said that if she stays sober VH-1 may give her a spin off show about her sober life. “I know I am an extremely smart girl, and to run all these empires when I am not even 30 yet, is quite an accomplishment, however I finally admitted to myself that I cannot rely on taking prescription pills everyday for the rest of my life!” Tila wrote. She then said to accomplish her goals, “I must not be another “Lindsay Lohan” where I just flush everything I worked so hard for down the toilet for nothing…” Tila did not specify what type of pills she has been abusing. The pint-sized formerly pregnant (?) self-described mogul says he own spinoff show about sober life would also include trying to meet the love of her life and would be “very raw and real.”

We would watch Celebrity Rehab but… um… there’s a re-run of Columbo we must see. It’s on from whenever this starts, until whenever this finishes. Looks like we’re going to miss the whole thing. Damn it.

This was a guest blog by the wonderful explosion of joy that is Amy Grindhouse.

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You know how all those VH1 reality dating shows have kind of become formulaic?

Well they’re not anymore – now they involve actual murders to keep them interesting. To be clear the bonafide homicide didn’t happen on camera – but it was performed by one of their former contestants.

The show was Megan Wants A Millionaire, and the apparently fleeing contestant is Ryan Alexander Jenkins. He high stepped it to Canada, you see. And now the American authorities can basically only sit on the US side of the border playing a high stakes game of Whack-A-Mole should he show his face again.

As Megan, the reality star who once got roughed up by Sharon Osbourne, stood there looking out over her sea of millionaire bachelors – it probably didn’t occur to her that one of them was married – and possibly murderous!

His wife’s corpse was found in a suitcase, and he was seen most likely getting the crap out of the country. We don’t now how close he made it to winning Megan’s heart, but we can only assume that had he actually won it he would have cut it out and hung it around his neck.

That’s murderer love. That’s suspected murderer love.

TMZ has more details:

“Here’s what we know straight from the Whatcom County Sheriff’s Dept. in Washington State, which is just over the border from Canada:

“Yesterday evening a witness reported seeing someone matching Jenkins’ description driving a black BMW SUV (we know he owned one) with a boat in tow in a marina which is extremely close to the Canadian border. A short time later deputies found the boat and the SUV abandoned. A manhunt then began for Jenkins by land, sea, and air, conducted by federal agents, deputies, cops, and Canadian authorities. They were unable to find Jenkins and now think that he literally made a run for the border — crossing over by foot.”"

At this point it seems Jenkins is just a person of interest. Still, should he get convicted it could present VH1 with a unique opportunity – a love-search reality show based in prison. They should somehow tie the words ‘Ryan’ and ‘Kill You’ into the title, and then just sit back and watch the prison-gay drama naturally unfold. Shankings and shower rapes would certainly make for good immunity competitions.

Richard Hatch is a shoe-in to win. It’s because he’s both reality-experienced, devious, and pretty when the sun shines through the prison bars and hits him just so.

As far as VH1 is concerned – they’ve just issued this statement about the whole unfortunate incident:

“Ryan Jenkins was a contestant on Megan Wants A Millionaire, an outside production, produced and owned by 51 Minds, that is licensed to VH1. The show completed production at the end of March. Given the unfortunate circumstances, VH1 has postponed any future airings. This is a tragic situation and our thoughts go out to the victim’s family.”

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If there is one thing in our life that has been missing of late, it’s actual video footage of things that will probably hold up in court on the day Sharon Osbourne finds herself sitting in close proximity to both a lawyer and one of those really long, wooden defence tables.

Its not missing any more though – not one bit. That’s because the VH1 footage of the odd fist-filled incident was either legally aired, or it just slimed its way across the internet like a slug on a salty sidewalk. Surely you remember – we told you all about all the strangeness not too long ago. It harkens back to the glory days of Jerry Springer, and we think you might enjoy it.

So without further ado: