Some Venezuelan Wins Boringest-Ever Miss Universe People used to watch Miss Universe for one reason - because they were gruesome, sweaty-balled perverts. But that's no longer the case. The internet's now the natural home of gruesome, sweaty-balled perverts - and yet beauty pageants like Miss Universe are still popular. Why? It's simple - because people like to see stupid young women in bikinis fall over and blather incoherently and offend entire swathes of the population. Yesterday's Miss Universe was won by Stefania Fernandez from Venezuela, who didn't fall over, fail to speak her own language with any conviction or declare that homosexuals were immoral. We want our money back.

Venezuela Thinks Baywatch Is Better For Kids Than The Simpsons Venezuela sucks. Hey, don’t get mad at us! We’re just saying what everyone is thinking. Venezuela is totally lagging behind its South American counterparts. They don’t even have a body hair wax treatment named after them. Losers. Their children are corrupt, too. It must be because they have The Simpsons on during daytime television programming. Well, no more! Venezuela has pulled The Simpsons because it is unsuitable for children, and replaced it with Baywatch Hawaii. Good. The sooner the children stop being corrupted and start learning unrealistic beauty standards and uncreative, predictable plot-lines, the better.