Vegetarian - HecklerSpray

Chris Martin Is Giving Gwyneth A Meaty Middle Finger

July 6th, 2014 By Megan Leitch

Chris Martin had to give up a lot during his marriage to Gwyneth Paltrow.? His dignity, warmth and affection, the ability to use normal products like Johnson&Johnson soap and tap water.? But one of the hardest parts had to probably be the fact that Goopy banned him from ever eating any meat.? Tofurkeys are cruel and unusual punishment.

Now that the two have decided to “consciously uncouple” themselves, Martin has gotten back together with his old flame, meat.? And he couldn’t be happier.? Not only because it’s freaking delicious, but because he can publicly give Gwyneth the finger without looking like a douche.

Johnny Marr Is Right To Say That Use Of Smiths Songs On Adverts Doesn’t Sully Their Memory

November 17th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

There has been the vague, wet, typical outpouring of mild-ire surrounding an indie band allowing one of their songs to be used in advertising. It’s ‘selling-out’ apparently. And god knows, that’s the worst thing an indie band can be accused of, right?

And of course, there’s a terribly saccharine John Lewis advertisement that’s doing the Christmas rounds this year which features a cover version of The Smiths’ ‘Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want’.

Johnny Marr is at pains to point out that the song featuring in a commercial doesn’t sully the memory of the song at all and The Smiths haven’t sold out, actually. And you know something, he’s right to say that it doesn’t sully the memory of the band.

Morrissey Is Clearly Having A Breakdown As He Compares Norway Killings To Fast Food

August 1st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Is Morrissey having a very public nervous breakdown? It certainly seems that way. See, at the moment, you can’t move for stories about him being wildly erratic and saying things which aren’t as considered as they once were.

Of course, The Mozfather has always been good for a quote and, indeed, regardless of the fact he has contributed to some of the most awful music ever cut to wax, he was always worth reading about.

However, these days he’s less a vinegary old tart with a razor sharp wit and more a bumbling idiot, dribbling out nonsense in a bid to get any sort of attention from the world. No, he’s not ordering security staff to strip-search the people of Middlesbrough for secreted meats, but comparing the savage killings in Norway to fast-food.

Morrissey Hates His Fans, The Music Industry, The Smiths, The Internet And YOU. Probably.

July 1st, 2011 By Paul Pencott

STOP THE PRESS! Or update the gossip website really quickly or something! Swarthy Alan Bennett-wannabee Steven ?Morrissey? Morrissey is a bit grumpy about some things!

Anyone who has seen a recent photo of the stocky serenader would think the irony of his well-known vegetarian fizzog currently resembling someone who belongs behind the counter of your local butchers has annoyed him but NO! He's grumpy about EVERY SINGLE THING THAT GIVES HIM ANY SORT OF A PUBLIC PROFILE EVER!

The utter WEAPON.

Morrissey Has A Whine And A Bitch About The Royal Family

June 20th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

If there was ever an example of a grown man acting like a stubborn child, then we?d have to point in the direction of Morrissey [or ourselves – Ed]. We imagine that if he was still at school, he'd be the child cursing the sunshine on a warm sunny day and generally mooching around the playground with a storm cloud permanently attached to his head.

For those unfamiliar with Moz, he was the lead singer with the vastly overrated and generally annoying band The Smiths. At the time, Moz and his band of merry men might have looked like radicals, but by today's standards, he's just a whiny tit.

But to his credit Morrissey has stuck to his guns and protested his hatred for the royal family. Despite the rest of the country recently warming to William and Kate, Morrissey is still upset with the Winsors.

Paul McCartney Wants The People Of India To Be Puny Vegetarians For A Day

January 5th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

If a random person stopped you in the street and told aliens were invading, you'd assume he was a mentalist and move on. Opinions are like arseholes really, everybody has one and unless you create a Facebook group, nobody will know or care what you think. Reach celebrity status however and all of a sudden people will dribble at each moronic word spouted.

Paul McCartney has reached this stage. Before become a spokesperson for vegetables, he played in a vaguely successfully band called The Beatles and had hit songs including ‘Hey Punch And Judy’, ‘Ha’penny Lane’ and ‘Back In The MFI’.

The music legend gave up eating the flesh of animals in the 1970?s and then proceeded to tell us why we should as well. Frankly, we're bored of him harping on. Perhaps he's realised that nobody cares and, is instead, spreading the message of cucumbers to India.

Morrissey Declares War On Hamburgers In Hamburg

November 20th, 2009 By Matthew Laidlow

Jesus, we know when we're being outdone. Most of the time, it's when an unborn Japanese child severely beats us on FIFA. And we don't mean by using the hand of God in extra time.

And then there’s Morrissey. Somehow, Morrissey is classed as a genius despite still singing songs that an old band of his wrote years ago and releasing solo albums that are properly gash.

Recently, Morrissey has had a bit of problems on the gig scene. He passed out in Swindon and then got twatted in the face with a cup in Liverpool. Surely it's full steam ahead from here, right? Wrong! Continuing his tour to Hamburg, Morrissey got narked off with a fan who dared boo his miserable rant on meat-eaters. And what happened? Find out after the jump!

Morrissey All Boo Hoo With Meat Eaters At Coachella Festival

April 19th, 2009 By Matthew Laidlow

Hooray! It's that time of year again where bands of all genres play to thousands of music lovers around the world.

And, thanks to its eclectic line-up and decent weather, Coachella is becoming one of the biggest. Hosted in a Californian desert, people flock from all over America to attend.

One of this year?s performers was Morrissey – a man so removed of happiness that a trip to a furniture shop, a stint watching paint dry and a visit to a cemetery bring more joy than an hour of his company. The much-publicised vegetarian got slightly pissy during his Friday slot as his nostrils sniffed the odour of burgers and other meaty delights. Of course he didn't keep his opinions to himself.

PETA Hopes To Eat George Clooney

March 24th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

The reason hecklerspray can never enjoy a tofu-heavy diet is because generally when we eat, blood spurting out of whatever we just bit into is our favorite part.

You can flavour the vegetarian delight with whatever you want, but until it spurts blood we shall remain largely uninterested!

Did you hear that, PETA? We don’t want your stupid tofu! We don’t want it if it’s turkey flavored, or if its beef flavored, or if its flavored to taste exactly like George Clooney‘s sweaty, used gym towel!

The latter, apparently, is genuinely on PETA’s drawing board, even as we speak.

Paul McCartney Wants You To Stop Eating At McDonald’s, Please

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

$Paul McCartney, McDonald\'s, Boycott, vegetarian, picure, beatles, liverpool$ Having seen off the threat of Islamic terrorism with his recent Israel concert, Paul McCartney is now going after the real menace – the Fillet-O-Fish.

Paul McCartney has chosen to summon up all the energy in his wrinkly little body to call on his fans to boycott McDonald’s. Not because of the deforestation caused by the fast food industry’s mass farming practises, though, or McDonald’s aggressive child-centric marketing, or even the potential health risks inherent in a predominantly fast food diet.

No, Paul McCartney wants everyone to boycott McDonald’s because someone put a photo of Paul McCartney up in a Liverpool branch without asking him first. Come back next week, when Paul McCartney tries to ban abortion because he heard that someone who aborted her pregnancy once hummed three notes from Love Me Do for one and a half seconds in a shower on her own in 1975.