No matter what Dancing On Ice does in the future – even it somehow finds a cure for Piers Morgan – it will always be remembered for Todd Carty wobbling about on the rink like a drunk trying to stand up on a lilo in a pool.
Maybe that’s because the celebrities hired for the show are so eye-poppingly poor that no-one ever really manges to recall a full memory of the show… and the new series looks like it’ll be no different.
That’s because Vanilla Ice and Calum Best are being lined up to take part in the Strictly Come Ice Skating show, as well as a whole other bunch of no marks. Read More >>>
Luke’s regret (just don’t think about it for too long)
Creased:
Cinemas still packed with people seeing Avatar for the first time (if you haven’t seen it by now, don’t bother. Even watching Peter Andre explode after waiting this long would be disappointing)
Bioshock 2 (more of the same but without the storyline. They didn’t up their game enough)
Nicola Roberts (taken it upon herself to speak out against tanning by looking like an 18th century courtesan)
St Valentine’s Day (designed to shove ‘ooh, we’re in a couple and you’re not’ in every single person’s face. Kinda like if there was a St Wealthy Day where rich people taunted us with bags of money and then burnt them all)
John Terry (all he needs now is a license to kill)
Everyone detests having a boil. They’ll randomly appear and cause you a brief bit of pain. As an added bonus to people who scratch and pick at them furiously, you’ll get the chance to see blood and pus fly everywhere.
Jedward are like a boil – you think they’ve gone back to where they’ve come from. But they always come back to haunt you.
It was during the 2009 series of X Factor that the world was introduced to Jedward. You couldn’t love them unless you were unfortunately related to them as they frankly terrible at everything. For a show that focussed heavily on finding someone who could sing and pull off a basic dance routine, they lasted for ages even though they failed in these key areas. Saying that, they were coached by Louis Walsh who has made a career of managing rubbish acts like Westlife. Now they’re back to haunt us with another musical pleb, Vanilla Ice.
Rap is one of those genres where, if you don’t have the look, you look like a complete bellend.
In the early nineties, you could get away with making a total twit of yourself in a video by randomly dancing around. MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice pulled this off without even trying. Sadly, their careers dried up and we got introduced to modern day rap idiots like 50 Cent and Eminem.
But the original monkeys of rap are back and if you happen to be unlucky enough to live in Utah, you can go to the gig!
Remember a few weeks ago when we told you that early-nineties hasbeen rapper Vanilla Ice was arrested for hitting his wife?
Well, we forgot to tell you one very important thing – the 911 call that his wife made was mental.
Seriously. And we’re only using the word mental here because no words exist that can accurately describe how flat-out weird the call is. From what we can work out, Vanilla Ice hit his wife because she bought a bed for herself and then, Vanilla Ice starts threatening to kill himself with a motorbike. But, hey, you can hear that for yourself after the jump.
When Vanilla Ice told you to stop, collaborate and listen, he meant it – and if you failed to comply he’d wallop your skull in with a crowbar.
So we can assume that Vanilla Ice’s wife hasn’t been doing very much in the way of stopping, collaborating or listening lately – because Vanilla Ice has been arrested on suspicion of violently assaulting her.
It sounds very serious and deeply worrying, but there’s a glimmer of good news in this as well – by allegedly kicking and punching his terrified wife, Vanilla Ice has become more famous than he has been for 17 years. If only all laughably forgotten novelty performers had the insight to viciously attack a woman, maybe they’d also be enjoying the same spoils as Vanilla Ice right now. The fools.
Everyone detests having a boil. They’ll randomly appear and cause you a brief bit of pain. As an added bonus to people who scratch and pick at them furiously, you’ll get the chance to see blood and pus fly everywhere. 
