Leaping lizards – cult Eighties sci-fi TV mini-series V is back on our TV screens!

Twenty-six years since I hid behind the sofa at the sight of a big-haired Jane Badler scoffing down a poor, hapless guinea pig, our favourite reptilian alien overlords are back – albeit with a slight makeover.

Gone are the big hairstyles, orange jumpsuits, huge sunglasses and funny voices – the new series, which was piloted last night on US screens, is very much a creation of the post-9/11 age.

For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about (and have probably stopped reading by now anyway), V was a big deal during the decade of big hair and shoulder pads.

The original series, created by Kenneth Johnson, was almost a modern retelling of the Nazis’ rise to power.

‘V’ stands for ‘Visitors’ – or nice, sexy alien people, who come to Earth to share their technological and medical secrets with us – but soon comes to mean ‘Victory’ after we find out the nice aliens are really dastardly lizards covered in human skin, who actually want to eat us and take all our water. The slimy bastards. Imagine David Icke’s wet dreams and you will have some idea what I am talking about.

They even have a symbol which resembles a swastika and a kind of Hitler Youth (which is also used in the modern remake; calling them ‘Peace Ambassadors’), just to ram home the point. This latest update, with a teleplay by Scott Peters, sticks loosely to the framework of the original, but tries to accommodate contemporary concerns. One of which, hilariously, is a Visitors’ pledge to provide ‘universal healthcare’, which looks likely to play right into the darkest US fears over ‘socialised medicine’.

Instead, during this invasion, the aliens, led by the rather lovely Anna (played by geek bait favourite Morena Baccarin), there’s more emphasis on trust and terror, along with the new revelation that this is not the scaly ones’ first visit to earth. In fact, some have been working with us for a while in secret, learning how what makes us tick (I think there are a few in our office).

But some humans, like the ridiculously-efficient FBI agent Erica Evans (Elizabeth Mitchell from Lost) and Father Jack (Joel Gretsch), soon find out the truth and decide to fight back, while others decide to keep quiet to further their own careers. Blah, blah, you get it.

But the question is: Is the future really green?

Well, here’s four reasons I think it will succeed, and four reasons why I think it won’t. Enjoy!

Why it will work

1. Morena Baccarin

Reptiles have never been so sexy. Seriously, check out her scales and you’ll realise why making her the poster girl for the new series is a masterstroke. Now, anyone who has ever watched Firefly or the film Serenity, where she plays a space hooker, were already well aware of Morena’s not insignificant charms. But the best thing about V is that, looking at the supermodels they have already marched out of the mothership, you know she won’t be the last piece of reptilian tail.

2. It’s V, dammit

The show was a massive hit in the eighties, meaning it will already attract a huge number of thirty and forty-somethings desperate to find out how it compares. The new series has also added a number of topics to make it appeal to the younger generation too. They really should have kept the orange jumpsuits though. The Visitors are all really well turned out, which instantly put my back up. Seriously, the mothership looks more like a Shoreditch PR bar than a den of alien overlords.

3. The special effects

What I have seen so far, the effects are pretty good for TV, which will keep audiences interested for a little longer. Mind you, I think the guy who designed the space shuttles did it in the dark. They are the Citroens of the alien, high-tech world.

4. It’s very watchable

The story is simple to understand and fun. I was not the only one in the theatre desperate to find out what happens next.

Reasons it won’t work

1. Erica Evans

Maybe it was because they were trying to cram a lot into the first episode, but I have serious doubts about Mitchell’s acting abilities. Sure, she was not helped by some atrocious lines and a frantic pace, but I have grave reservations over whether she can carry the show. Plus her character is almost as annoying as her character in Lost.

2. No interesting characters

Once again, I am going to blame the frenzied nature of the pilot, but where are the characters? Where is the light relief? Did you like anybody? The script was so bothered about trying to expose the next plotline it forgot about the one thing that connects people to shows in the long-term. Please slow down! The closest we got was that guy from Firefly whose eyes are so close together I think his right eye is actually is left. And vice versa. Seriously, you can’t trust anyone who looks like his face got stuck after the wind changed when he was in a hall of mirrors.

3. It’s V, damnit

The fact it was a huge hit means a lot of people will dismiss it as a pointless remake that only serves to point out that TV executives really do not have any fresh ideas. And they are right.

4. It won’t be given a chance

Money talks – and if V does not get attract large audiences straight away its days will be numbered.

V will be screned in the UK in January. Watch an exclusive clip at Sci-fi.

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Lock up your pet hamsters – because cult 80s TV series V is making a comeback. That’s right, ABC this week greenlit the popular sci-fi programme to the distinct sound of scraping barrels.

Now, if you are not familiar with V, let us explain. It’s about rodent-eating alien lizards who come to Earth and act like a right bunch of Nazis. Think David Icke without the rodents – and the Nazis.

They basically want to nick all our water and then eat us because, well, they are not very nice rodent-eating alien lizards. There are even loads of Nazi-like references to ram home the point.

Warner Bros are going to produce the V remake, while the guy in charge of writing it will be The 4400 co-creator/exec producer Scott Peters – so it is probably going to suck.

But we are trying to stay positive here at Hecklerspray. We are excited about yet another TV series from our childhoods being put through the mangle to make yet more cash – honest.

Hopefully, it will be as good as the Battlestar Galactica remake. One thing is for sure – judging from the clip we have added below – they can’t do any worse with the special effects. Don’t worry kids! The only harm done to any pets included in the clip was to their credibilities as animal actors.

Anyway, speaking to Variety, Peters, who had always insisted he would not do another sci-fi project, says it was an offer he could not refuse. He said:

“Whenever I mention ‘V’ to anybody, they still have a lot of good memories about the original movie and series. Everybody has that imagery of their uniforms, or the visitor eating a hamster. It’s a science fiction icon and too good to pass up.”

So are any of the original cast going to be offered roles in the new series? You would bet they would certainly like to, as the only person to have any semblance of a decent career afterwards was Robert Englund, who is, of course, Freddie Krueger. In fact, you would imagine there are a few stars from the original series who would happily eat their own pets to get included.

Well, the answer is, probably not, because the new series will instead focus on some new characters, and in particular, Erica Evans, a Homeland Security agent whose son falls for their dastardly lizard lies.

One thing is for sure, V no longer stands for ‘victory’.