Celebrities are annoying aren’t they? That’s why we like being nasty to them. Sometimes, we like to slag people off who are more talented than us. Sometimes we like to chide them simply because they’re richer than us.
In most cases, we hate celebrities because they get much more attention than we do and we’re just as needy as they are. It’s quite possible we’re more needy. Not one member of the press took any notice when one of the editorial team got arrested for hoovering up lines of drugs whilst getting their genitals messed with by someone dressed up like a Tudor peasant.
But who is the most annoying celebrity on the planet right now? There’s a lot to choose from isn’t there? Piers Morgan? Su Pollard?
If you want to cast a vote, or indeed, hurl endless abuse at us, click here to visit our Facebook page.
Ice-T once crooned “I got this long-assed knife and your neck looks just right. My adrenaline’s pumpin’. I got my stereo bumpin’. I’m ’bout to kill me somethin’ – a pig stopped me for nuthin’! Cop killer, better you than me! Cop killer, f**k police brutality! Cop killer, I know your mama’s grievin’ (f**k her)! Cop killer, but tonight we get even. So what happened when he got pulled over for nuthin’?
Well, you’d be forgiven for thinking that he either shot or stabbed the policeman to death. In actual fact, he went one worse. No, he didn’t kill the policeman’s first born or maim their parents. No. He did that most vicious and grisly of things.
HE TWEETED ABOUT IT.
Brrr.
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The most exciting event in Big Brother history has just happened.
Unfortunately, the incident happened in America and not in the UK where so far the most exciting thing to do for viewers is count how many times Luke mentions the £100k cheque.
We’re always told that things don’t go truly mental until the series kicks off, gets into its stride and sees housemates go quite mental. Sadly the UK version is halfway through and still as exciting as pouring vinegar over your own open wounds.
Consequently we’re switching to America for some entertainment. Quite literally we’re thanking God for turning the equally boring show into something worth watching. Fear not, we’ve got a video of it as well, after the jump.
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It's shaping up to be quite a controversial weekend box office summer, with films starring dead people, films that actors have refused to promote and – worst – Sex And The City.
But no film this summer is likely to be as controversial as Wall-E, the latest Pixar movie to top the weekend box office. It's hard to think of a more uncommercial-sounding movie than a film about a silent robot compacting rubbish on a deserted planet, but that's what Wall-E is.
And Wall-E isn't just a commercial success, either. As well as being number one in the US weekend box office, the movie has also been called 'perfect' by more than one reviewer. Yeah? So what – there's a bit in The Love Guru where it sounds like Mike Myers is calling someone 'cuntface' when he's not and it's funny, so shove that up your critically adored poop-chute, Wall-E.
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Piers Morgan has won the final of NBC's The Celebrity Apprentice.
Or, to put it another way, Piers Morgan went to America looking for success, and America (and by America we mean Donald Trump) looked back at Piers Morgan and replied: "Sure, why not? You're a man with all the qualities required to succeed here. Your wish is our command".
What is wrong with America? It all started off so positively some 40,000 years ago when a bunch of wandering nomads from Asia decided to set up camp. They had a quaint little society going on, and for thousands of years everything was wonderful, but then in 1492 some Italian named Chris landed on the shore and it all turned to shit.
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There might already be a deluge of print and television analysis on who’ll win this year’s US general election.
But, we ask you, is there any election analysis from British websites that usually only spend their time writing puerile jokes about celebrity crap that nobody could ever possibly give a stuff about? No, no there isn’t. But now that hecklerspray is doing US general election betting odds, there is. And we can all sleep soundly at night because us that. Unless we’ve got sleep apnea or any other made-up illnesses.
Yesterday we looked at the Democrats, so today it’s only fair that we look at the general election betting odds for the Republicans, with help from Paddy Power…
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By now you all probably know about new Will Ferrell movie Semi-Pro thanks to all the talk show appearances, semi-ironic product advertising and constant TV trailers.
Thing is, though, it seems you know so much about Semi-Pro from all of this that none of you bothered to actually go and see the thing.
Although Semi-Pro is the US weekend box office number one, it only managed to scrape together a meagre $15,200,000 – roughly a tenth that Spider-Man 3 made in the same amount of time. Does Semi-Pro's relative failure mean that the public is getting sick of Will Ferrell sports comedies? Well, yes. Plainly it does. Can't you people read?
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In the future, when people ask you what the worst weekend box office in living memory was, remember this date.
Because, sweet baby Moses, is this week's weekend box office ever appalling. Thanks to the weekend box office one-two of Fool's Gold and Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins, the stars of the two most popular films in America right now – and thus the biggest stars in America – are Kate Hudson, Matthew McConaughey and Martin Lawrence.
If you need us we'll be weeping despondently in our lead-lined bunker.
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Celebrities are annoying aren’t they? That’s why we like being nasty to them. Sometimes, we like to slag people off who are more talented than us. Sometimes we like to chide them simply because they’re richer than us.
