We mean literally built right in, too – it makes him feel bionic or something. Originally he was supposed to use the arm-guns to fight crime, but now they’re just for awesome power displays at the Source Awards.

Gun arms or no gun arms though – recently as Puff was trying to enter a late night party, the cops were checking everyone for firearms. Combs got pissed, and then took off before the search began.

When you’re hanging with the likes of Sean Diddy Daddy Puff Puff Combs on at least a semi-regular basis, you can count on two things happening all the time. The first is that you’ll have to be extremely patient as he pretends to get vital information from mysterious government sources over his wrist watch. Then you’ll have to refer to him solely as James while you give him boosts into random building ventilation systems, which he’ll then crawl through army-style and sweaty looking for imaginary boxes with blinking lights.

The second thing you can always expect in his company is that you’ll probably get shot. You remember all his gun trouble from several years ago, right? Well so do the police. That’s why when he recently showed up to co-host a tediously hosted party – the cops wanted to frisk him.

Keep in mind they were frisking every single person who entered. The New York Post paints the picture for us:

“When Diddy arrived at 1:45 a.m. with a six-man entourage, a witness said he “flipped out” when cops asked to search him and his friends. “He went nuts, saying, ‘Why are you disrespecting me like this? Why are you doing this to me?’” Combs “stormed off and started to text DJ Clue asking, ‘What the [bleep] is going on?’ and asked if he could go in the back entrance.” When told that the cops would have to search him and his friends there as well, Combs decided not to attend the party.”

The common assumption seems to be that Combs was so anti-search because he and his men were armed to the teeth with guns, knives, explosives, elven bows and several coiled poison-snakes. The only people that know for sure are Diddy and his men. Plus the guy who probably lent him a rattler.

We think he went about this all wrong. If he wanted to get in with his guns he should have shot some people. When bullets are clearing your path you can pretty much go wherever you want.

Ask everybody in Iraq – they know.

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And, unsurprisingly, Tom Cruise isn't exactly happy that his genuinely disturbing Scientology rant has found its way onto the internet. Sources are claiming that Tom Cruise is "extremely unhappy" about the video being mocked across the internet in such a widespread way.

But, as Tom Cruise says himself in the Scientology video, it's rough and tumble, it's wild and woolly and it's a blast. And, as Tom Cruise also says: "Eeehyuhyuhyuhehhhh!" Or however you spell that deranged chuckle of his.

The leaked nine-minute Tom Cruise: Scientologist video has yanked a reaction out of just about everyone. The majority of people seem to be slightly freaked out by the burning fervour in Tom Cruise's eyes as he explains how he won't hesitate to push his ethics onto someone, while Scientologists have rushed to the internet to claim that anyone who disagrees with Tom Cruise and Scientology is probably a known criminal.

And as for Tom Cruise himself, well, he's just a teensy bit annoyed that a Scientology video of him intoning "Now is the time!" like some sort of frightening doom-voiced cult leader has been unstoppably leaked all over the internet, especially so soon after those rumours that Tom Cruise's baby was made with L Ron Hubbard's dead sperm. The Daily Mail reports:

Last night, an insider revealed: "Tom is extremely unhappy about this. He takes Scientology very, very seriously and he does not want it subject to abuse and ridicule on the Internet."

In fairness, this leaked Scientology video is probably just about the last thing that Tom Cruise needs at the moment. Since the last period of weirdness that almost fatally wounded his movie career – thanks to Sumner Redstone sacking him from Paramount because all women hate him, Tom Cruise has been painstakingly rebuilding his reputation and, blammo, nine minutes of incomprehensible religious babbling and mindless creepy chuckling later and he's back to square one again.

It's hard to see how Tom Cruise and Scientology will be able to cope with this new deafening ridicule. The ball is well and truly out of their court now, and any typically heavy-handed Scientologist response will surely be just as publicly revealed. After all, more people have probably seen the leaked Tom Cruise: Scientologist by now than Lions For Lambs. And, yes, we're aware that means more than about four people. 

Still, as honestly unsettling as the Tom Cruise: Scientologist video is, it could have been worse. Just imagine what a bag of shit the John Travolta: Scientologist video would have been. 

Read more:

Tom Cruise 'furious' over leaked Scientology rant – Daily Mail