Pre-determination is something that the same fools who believe in superstition go in for in a big way. You might recognise it as fate or the ‘thundering approach to emotional and financial oblivion’. If you believe in fate then you probably married the first person who ever gave you an orgasm and are now woefully unhappy, only able to console yourself by watching romantic comedies.
Even as you do so, you realise everything seems to work out well for the shining-faced Hollywood elite. That is despite their belief and reliance on exactly the same concept which has led you to a life of raised voices and thinly veiled hatred. Fate worked out okay for them, didn’t it? Why not you?
Anyway, enough about your bitter, twisted existence.
Read More >>>
S Club 7 were good weren’t they? They all danced around in a line, singing about reaching for stars, wearing white and making everyone with ears wish they’d be born deaf. Still, idiots everywhere bought their music until 2003 when they broke up under a cloud of sheer indifference.
Since then, the only member you’re likely to remember is Jo..erm.. thingy who went on Big Brother and participated in some racist bullying alongside Jade Goody or maybe you remember Rachel Stevens because she was the good looking one and that’s all that really matters at the end of the day.
So, when they saw the recent comeback success of similar white wearing band Steps, they all got together and decided they’d quite like to cash in on this, regardless of whether you like it or not.
Read More >>>
Arm-hacking enthusiast James Franco has confirmed the end of five-year relationship with actress Ahna O’Reilly citing a love of books as the reason for their terminating their ‘love contract’.
The actor, famous for managing to look handsome while cutting off his arm in ’127 Hours’ has confirmed his five-year romance with Ahna O’Reilly has ended because he is so busy with his other education commitments, although he did not manage to reveal when they ended their relationship, presumably realising that no-one would give two hoots.
Women everywhere (who read Playboy?) are said to be feeling listless and lost. First George Clooney becomes single and now George Clooney Jnr has become single. Who do they go for? Who do they pin their idiotic hopes on? They’ll never get either of them, but now there’s two.
Read More >>>
Wriggling infant and mimer supreme, Justin Bieber, is a wealthy child who has dampened the gussets of millions of tweens across the world. With his lesbian haircut, he’s become such a phenomena that even think of his name can make twitter melt.
And now, Master Bieber wants to be more than just a singing amniotic sac. He wants to improve himself. He wants to make his brains better by going to university. He’ll probably do ‘sports-science’, whatever the crap that is.
In fairness, if he’s planning on going to a British university, he’ll be the only person who can afford it, thereby, guaranteeing himself unprecedented levels of privacy, which is a godsend for a human as famous as he. Read More >>>
This is a bit of a secret, so keep it under your hats, but apparently Paul McCartney is quite good at music.
That’s not because Paul McCartney was one of the principle songwriters in the world’s biggest-ever band, mind you. No, it’s because Paul McCartney has now been given an honorary Doctor of Music degree from Yale University. Just an honorary one, mind you – Paul McCartney isn’t that good at music.
Despite the token nature of the doctorate, Paul McCartney’s new title means that he now gets to fist-fight Dr Fox to determine who has the most pointlessly hokey medical-sounding title. Careful, Sir Paul – Foxy fights dirty, plus you’re really bloody old. The odds aren’t looking great.
Read More >>>
Forget the Oscars and the Grammys and the Golden Globes – they're all rubbish, largely because Paris Hilton won't ever win any of them.
Where it's at now, kids, is the Harvard University Woman Of The Year award, because – other than the inaugural Dozy Wonk-Eyed Slapper gala set for later this spring – it's just about the only award that Paris Hilton will get this year.
No, really, Paris Hilton is going to get a Woman Of The Year award. We're not making this up. Promise.
Read More >>>
