underwear - HecklerSpray

Geri Halliwell Launches Underwear Made From Bitter Regret

October 28th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Nothing says ‘dead-eyed and desperate’ like Geri Halliwell. She’s a wreck isn’t she? She appears in the public eye like an old mad girlfriend you’d forgotten about, potentially always on the brink of tears.

One eye cries for sorrow, the other cries from joy. It’s a ghastly spectacle, enough to make you slit your wrists, lengthways.

And now, in a bid to remind us that she’s got sex on her mind (thereby stopping every single arousing thought on the planet), the former Spice Girl stripped off to model a line of lingerie she has designed for a British chain.

Alex Reid Reduced To Stripping For Cash

October 28th, 2011 By Kris Silver

And just when we thought Alex Reid?s career couldn't sink any lower? he announces that he's due to tour the country and strip off in front of hundreds of people night after night.

Fresh from getting engaged to, and talking about wanting babies with, fellow former Celebrity Big Brother alumna Chantelle Houghton, Alex has announced that he's due to star in the play, yes someone?s actually cast him in a play, Wildboyz.

And people say that theatre is too high-brow.

Hecklerspray On… Underwear

October 6th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Ladies. When you’re feeling frisky, should the mood take you, you can impress the object of your affections by donning your nicest underwear. It even has a special, sexy sounding name – lingerie.

There’s fancy bras, stockings, corsets, see-through nighties, peep-hole this, assless-that… it’s a cavalcade of things designed to let people know you’re in the mood and feel wonderful.

And what do men have? Underpants and socks.

Relax, Miley Cyrus’s Much Older Boyfriend Totally Loves Jesus

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

You might think that, because he’s five years older than her and wriggles about in knickers for a living, Miley Cyrus’ boyfriend is a rum sort.

But he’s not. He’s really not. Miley Cyrus has been on the radio in America defending her alleged new boyfriend Justin Gaston to the hilt, claiming that he’s ‘awesome’ and a ‘really great Christian guy’. And what Miley Cyrus says, we have no option but to believe. Justin Gaston, you’re awesome and a really great Christian guy and we apologise for thinking wrongly of you.

And the fact that on the same day as Miley Cyrus’ interview, pictures were leaked onto the internet of Justin Gaston rolling around on the floor in his underwear with an unidentified woman and giving the camera the finger? Well that’s just awesome and Christian too. We hear that Jesus did a very similar thing once himself, actually.

Hey, Miley Cyrus’ New Boyfriend Likes Taking His Clothes Off Too

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Being Miley Cyrus’ boyfriend must be horrible – you’d be constantly fighting the urge to slap Billy Ray Cyrus’ silly face every time you saw it.

In fact, 15-year-old Miley Cyrus has got quite the wishlist when it comes to her boyfriends. Firstly you can’t be intimidated by Miley Cyrus’ fame and wealth. Secondly you have to be as gormlessly God-fearing as she is. And thirdly, if you’re so much older than her that it’s a little bit creepy and you use your body as a sexual object for a living, then that’s great too.

So, with that in mind, say hello to Miley Cyrus’ new boyfriend – he’s Justin Gaston, he’s 20 years old and he’s an underwear model. If this hasn’t ended in tears by this time next year, then we’re afraid we’ll have to go away and question everything we thought we knew about the universe.

Michael Jackson’s Underpants Could Soon Be In Your Sock Drawer

March 24th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

Readers – we love you like we love our own mother.

And although our love for you wasn’t nurtured from a lifetime of you cutting the disgusting corners off our peanut butter sandwiches, it is love just the same. We love you deep, and we love you real.

It is this love that has us worried about you most nights. You see, our greatest fear is one wherein you all won’t be able to retire come age 35. That would be a real shame. You need to plan ahead – you need to invest.

You know – invest. Like in stocks and bonds and what not. Also you could invest in a pair of Michael Jackson‘s underpants. Those are currently worth $1,000,000 a piece, and the value is expected to rise exponentially. You’d better act fast though – there’s only one of them up for sale.

It all happens on eBay today, apparently.

Anna Nicole Smith’s Baby Buys Her Dead Mother’s Worn Knickers

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Everyone has their own way of mourning the dead, but we can all agree that becoming creepily attached to the deceased's used underwear is perfectly normal.

That's why we're not going to judge Larry Birkhead, even though he's just decided that the best way for Anna Nicole Smith's daughter Dannielynn to remember her mother is to spend $2,800 on bits of her sexy lingerie at a charity auction.

Of course, Larry Birkhead isn't going to just give Anna Nicole Smith's underwear to Dannielynn right away – he wants to wait until she grows up first. Because if he gives it to her now she'll be far too young to develop any decent long-lasting psychological scars, and where's the fun in that? No, that's why Larry Birkhead is keeping Anna Nicole Smith's lingerie in a safe place for the time being – on his face while he sleeps. Or he isn't. Don't quote us.

Inevitable Miley Cyrus Underwear Pictures Finally Hit Web

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Oh come on, mucky internet Miley Cyrus pictures were always an inevitability – she’s both a tween star and a country singer’s daughter, for god’s sake.

So don’t act all surprised now that a set of photos of 15-year-old Miley Cyrus yanking down her top to show off her bra and rolling around on a boy’s lap in just her underwear have emerged. And don’t act all alarmed either – although admittedly it’s not perfect role model behaviour, Miley Cyrus is a normal teenage girl, and this is what all normal teenage girls do.

Wait, no, actually that’s wrong – what we meant to say there was that this is what all normal teenage girls do in the minds of creepy old yellow-toothed men who hang around school gates at playtime and faintly smell of stale semen. But that’s close enough. Congratulations Miley Cyrus! You’re living the dream!

Lily Allen Not A Titty Model Any More

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

First the bad news, then the good – Lily Allen has become a little bit unemployed; but at least it means you won't be blindsided by pictures of her in her bra any more.

Fancy lingerie firm Agent Provocateur has decided to ditch Lily Allen as the face of its company, it's been reported.

Although Lily Allen is said to be 'gutted' about being dropped, the news does now mean that the only times you'll ever see Lily Allen in her bra are if you stalk her with a video camera or if she's about to have sex with you. Either way, we have the number of a very good doctor we'd like you to have.

Lily Allen To Get Her Bra Out For Cash

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Finding someone to be the face of your underwear collection is a daunting task – if you follow your instincts and pick a ferociously sexy supermodel, you'll just end up intimidating your customers away.

So what's the other option? How about a three-foot-tall chav who looks a little bit like an Ewok? Of course – it couldn't be any more obvious, which is why Lily Allen has signed up to be the new face of lingerie company Agent Provocateur. While Lily Allen might be an unconventional choice to model underwear, we're sure that her Agent Provocateur campaign will go down a storm with real women who don't like to be patronised. And the blind. We hear the blind are going to be an especially key winter Agent Provocateur demographic.