And that's not just us saying that – the UN says so too, so it must be true.

According to a UN bigwig, every time Amy Winehouse glamorises drug-taking, it helps to fuel the African cocaine trade and recklessly creates corrupt 'narco-states'. And worse still, Amy Winehouse is becoming a cultural icon in Africa, and those poor people have got problems enough as it is without feeling the need to stagger round their villages in just their bra shouting "My Blakey!" all the time as well.

You have to feel for Amy Winehouse at the moment – Karma seems to be auditing her quite strictly at the moment. Whenever something good happens to Amy Winehouse – like when she won all those Grammys – Karma swiftly redressed the balance so that, in her next public performance at the Brits, Amy could hardly stand up and generally looked like she was spazzed off her munch on a bucket of giraffe tranquilliser. 

And now, right after Amy Winehouse was cleared of perverting the course of justice, Karma jumped in again to whip the good news away and make sure she gets scolded for ravaging the entire continent of Africa all by her lonesome. The boss of the UN's Office on Drugs and Crime, Antonio Maria Costa, has blamed Amy Winehouse for the African cocaine trade, you see. All of it. The Daily Mail reports:

Singling out the singer Amy Winehouse, whom he called the "poster girl for drug abuse", and supermodel Kate Moss, whose career flourished after she was publicly exposed as a cocaine user, Mr Costa said: "One song, one picture, one quote that makes cocaine look cool can undo millions of pounds worth of anti-drug education and prevention. "Coke-snorting fashionistas are not only damaging their brains – they are contributing to state failure on the other side of the world. Amy Winehouse might adopt a defiant pose and slur her way through (the song) Rehab but does she realise the message she sends to others who are vulnerable to addiction and who cannot afford expensive treatment?"

You have to feel a little bit sorry for Amy Winehouse here, for a couple of reasons. Firstly, it's unfair to single out Amy Winehouse alone for an entire industry with various distinct production stages because – although a furiously annoying goon – she's just one girl with a few problems who's been singled out by the UN because its realised that an anti-drug message will be heard more if it finds a high-profile celebrity with some amount of notoriety to use as a scapegoat.

Secondly, Amy Winehouse isn't even fuelling the African cocaine industry anyway. She's fuelling the African crack industry. Durr-brains.

Read more:

UN drugs boss slams 'coke-snorting fashionistas' like Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty – Daily Mail 

George Clooney has just been named as the UN's latest 'messenger of peace', where he's pledged in particular to use his fame to highlight the humanitarian snafu in Darfur. But why George Clooney?

It's obvious – George Clooney will be a good UN messenger of peace because he was once in a film called The Peacemaker, something that stands him in good stead to also become a UN messenger for slick Las Vegas heists and a UN messenger for rubber-nippled superheroes.

Although he's such a consummate moviestar that he'll even fall off a motorbike to draw attention to his films – and such a consummate salesman that the only products he hasn't appeared in adverts for are sanitary towels, weaponised nerve gas and Cillit BANG! – George Clooney is also a bloody brilliant humanitarian.

You see, it's not just enough for George Clooney to make a high-minded, barely-watched political thriller and just assume that it'll change the world. George Clooney also like to roll up his sleeves and and get his hands dirty, too. In the past George Clooney has spoken out about the war in Iraq, spoken out about corrupt lobbyists in the form of awful masturbation jokes, and spoken out about the atrocities committed when people try to take pictures of him too often. 

But mainly there's Darfur. George Clooney has been a long-time opponent of the widespread humanitarian crisis in Darfur, writing letters to politicians, making films and becoming involved with charitable organisations to try and force a change in the region.

And now George Clooney has been enrolled as a UN messenger of peace, so you can pretty much guarantee that that's all he'll ever talk about from now on. Reuters reports:

Academy Award winning U.S. actor George Clooney became a U.N. messenger of peace on Thursday, pledging to use his fame to "shine a light" on peacekeeping efforts, particularly in Sudan's Darfur… Clooney delivered the message to a news conference. "Millions are homeless, not from famine or disease or acts of God, but from a well armed militia intent on ridding the land of its people… It seems as if at times celebrity can bring that focus. It can't make the policies, it can't change people's minds really, but you can bring a camera where you go because they'll follow you and you can shine a light on it. That seems to be my job." 

Plus you get the best seats in restaurants and people send you free clothes and women want to have sex with you if you're a celebrity. But mainly the Darfur thing.

Of course, George Clooney isn't the first famous face to become a UN envoy. Geri Halliwell has also been there – you'll remember that she single-handedly stopped the spread of HIV in Africa by hosting screenings of her It's Raining Men video to put people off ever having sex again – and also Angelina Jolie is heavily involved in the UN.

In fact, wait. UN involvement? Weird closeness to Brad Pitt? Why, it's been so obvious – George Clooney wants to be Angelina Jolie. What next? Will George Clooney black his face up for his next role? Will he start adopting babies like he's on a trolley-dash? Will he make Jennifer Aniston cry?

Fingers crossed for all three. 

Read more:

George Clooney aims to shine celebrity light on UN – Reuters