UN - HecklerSpray

Everyone Is Pointing At George Clooney And Mouthing The Word ‘Gay’

July 6th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

In Hollywood, it seems that only marriage to a member of the opposite sex will stop people from assuming you’re gay, despite the fact it seems that your member has been in-and-out of a staggering amount of eligible beautiful women. We are, of course, talking about George Clooney, as the headline already told you.

Of course, there’s those of you who will be thinking “Ah! The gay doth protest too much!”, which won’t be helped by the fact that one of Clooney’s mates has pop his head ’round the door and said ‘He’s definitely not gay y’know?’

We didn’t bloody ask if he was! Now you’ve gone and made him look all gay! And now you’ve made us look like his gayditude is something of an issue! PISS OFF.

George Clooney Drank The Bong Water To Become Politician

February 24th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

For some reason, people are under the impression that George Clooney is going to run for office. If he did, he couldn’t be a Democrat because he’s too laid back, even for them. He certainly couldn’t be a Republican because he doesn’t seem mentally challenged in some way.

Clooney would have to start a new party to liven up American politics – The Irritatingly Suave Party.

Their manifesto would involve teaching youngsters how to raise their eyebrows in a suggestive manner, the ability to make inanimate objects have orgasms and of course, the ability to drink bong water. What? Well, ask Clooney yourself.

George Clooney Beats Malaria By Making Sweet, Sweet Love To It

January 21st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Malaria never really took off as the celebrity illness du jour. Cheryl Cole had it for a while and got the tiniest violin in the world out to moan about facing death square in the face – much like Bill and Ted did in that movie. However, George Clooney’s had a dose of it and he probably tried to seduce it with that handsome square head of his.

That’s right kiddiekins – George Clooney has revealed that he contracted malaria but has now completely recovered from it, and not once did any stories appear with him giving us the doe-eyes and acting all frail.

Clooney caught the disease while he was in Sudan doing some stupid charity work with the UN and Google. Apparently, Clooney and his handsomeness were trying to prevent a new civil war. Sorry champ, you’re not that good-looking.

Amy Winehouse Single-Handedly Destroys All Of Africa

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

This must be Amy Winehouse's lucky year – not only has she won five Grammy awards but she's also single-handedly caused the destruction of an entire continent.

And that's not just us saying that – the UN says so too, so it must be true.

According to a UN bigwig, every time Amy Winehouse glamorises drug-taking, it helps to fuel the African cocaine trade and recklessly creates corrupt 'narco-states'. And worse still, Amy Winehouse is becoming a cultural icon in Africa, and those poor people have got problems enough as it is without feeling the need to stagger round their villages in just their bra shouting "My Blakey!" all the time as well.

George Clooney To Bring Peace On Earth For UN

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

You have to feel sorry for the UN, always failing to get everyone to live together in peace – but George Clooney's here to fix that.

George Clooney has just been named as the UN's latest 'messenger of peace', where he's pledged in particular to use his fame to highlight the humanitarian snafu in Darfur. But why George Clooney?

It's obvious – George Clooney will be a good UN messenger of peace because he was once in a film called The Peacemaker, something that stands him in good stead to also become a UN messenger for slick Las Vegas heists and a UN messenger for rubber-nippled superheroes.