Posts tagged as:

U2

Badvertising – U2 And Blackberry

by Matthew Laidlow

Do you like facts? Well it just so happens that we have one that will not only enlighten your day, but that of your friends and family. Take Bono’s name and remove the b, n and one of the o’s. With the singular o add a G in front of it and the letter d [...]

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U2 Announce World Tour Dates, World Shudders A Little Bit

by Paul Gibson

This is a public service announcement. U2 are about to tour their new album. Please seek shelter immediately, and may God have mercy on our souls.

In news which people who like music are describing as “Oh God, really? That’s just awful, is there any way we can stop this? A petition or something? Anything?”, U2 have announced the details of their upcoming tour, during which they are expected to play U2 music while singing U2 lyrics. If that sounds like your cup of tea, then we can only assume you like drinking tea made from poison ivy leaves, with skunk sperm instead of milk and cat dander instead of sugar.

U2 are terrible, is what we’re saying.

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U2 Goes Reggae, World Impatiently Waits For An Apology

by Stuart Heritage

The world is split into two: those who don’t think U2 experiment enough, and those who have working brains.

If you’re in the second group, start digging your bunker now. It’s been reported that U2 aren’t content to limit their experimentalism to simply releasing grammatically-incorrect concept albums about footwear – they’re bringing out a reggae album soon, too.

A terrible idea, we know, but it’ll be worth it when U2 tour. You don’t see 50-year-old Irish midgets follow up impassioned IRA songs by saying “This next song’s called Demma Bad Bwoi Duppy Man Ting (Irie Pussyclot Ting),” too often, do you?

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U2′s Bewildering Spider-Man Musical To Open Next Year

by Stuart Heritage

You heard it once and thought it was a good joke; you heard it again and thought it was a bad joke, and now it’s true.

The U2 Spider-Man musical is happening. Despite being the weirdest thing ever been announced, the Spider-Man Broadway musical – with music by U2′s Bono and The Edge – will open in New York next January.

That’s right – the Spider-Man musical is by Bono and The Edge. But don’t worry about the other two – Adam Clayton and Larry Mullen Jr will be debuting their new Condorman musical next February outside the Basingstoke branch of Clinton’s Cards. At 4am. Drunk.

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Everyone Steals New U2 Album, Despite It Being Made By U2

by Paul Gibson

In these uncertain economic times, even 40-year-old supermarket deputy managers with ponytails and halitosis are turning to internet piracy for their music.

Paul McGuinness, U2′s manager, has been crying angry little tears in recent days, as all his careful planning for his band’s new album’s spolier-free release has been ruined by… well, by whatever kind of deviant it is who would not only spend time and effort trying to obtain pre-release files of a U2 album, but would then want to infect innocent peoples’ ears with it.

Sicko.

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U2 Aren’t Ever Splitting Up, So Sorry For Ruining Your Day

by Stuart Heritage

If you ever wanted to see a day when U2 are basically a group of old men repeating themselves time after time, then…

Hey hang on a minute! U2 already are basically a group of old men repeating themselves time after time! Well that’s our opening line buggered up, then. Anyway, if you want to see U2 even more decrepit and creatively strapped than they already are, then you’re in for a treat – U2 are never splitting up. Ever.

It’s true – The Edge said so. And you shouldn’t doubt a man named after a horticultural barrier, because that’d be stupid.

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It’s The Brit Awards Tonight. Contain Yourself.

by Matthew Laidlow

Tonight, ITV wipes its entire schedule of supposed entertainment to bring us the Brit Awards 2009.

It may not have happened yet, but we can’t see it being edgy, cool or vaguely risky. The show goes out at 8pm, leaving today’s young pop stars with an entire hour to swear before the watershed kicks in.

Just over a week ago, we watched the Grammys which quite frankly overshadowed the entire Brits ceremony. Not only did the Grammys have a million categories where nearly everyone can win, but we don’t expect there to be any pre-show scraps like the alleged one between Rihanna and Chris Brown. Unless someone attacks Chris Martin with a pack of streaky bacon.

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New U2 Single On The Radio, Everyone Cover Your Ears

by Stuart Heritage

In an inadmissible show of proof that the universe doesn’t like happiness, U2 have brought out a new single.

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U2 Set To Ruin 2009 With Five Versions Of Their New Album

by Matthew Laidlow

After being sidetracked with a few things, such as trying to end all world evils and finding out where the boogieman lives, Bono has returned to his 50-bedroom mansion to concentrate on churning out another U2 album.

Bono and the other members of U2 have been threatening to release No Line On The Horizon for a while now and finally they’ve delivered the bombshell with a March 19 2009 release. Is one new release bad enough? No, Bono has to be an extravagant twat and release it five bloody times.

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Petition Launched to Make Bono History

by Matthew Laidlow

During the propaganda videos issued to promote Live Aid 2: Twenty Years On From The First One, we were presented with lots of images with Bono. This imagery was extremely powerful. Starring himself and a whole host of people who appeared solely to boost their ‘caring profile’, Bono told us that ‘every time I and [...]

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