The world is split into two: those who don’t think U2 experiment enough, and those who have working brains.

If you’re in the second group, start digging your bunker now. It’s been reported that U2 aren’t content to limit their experimentalism to simply releasing grammatically-incorrect concept albums about footwear – they’re bringing out a reggae album soon, too.

A terrible idea, we know, but it’ll be worth it when U2 tour. You don’t see 50-year-old Irish midgets follow up impassioned IRA songs by saying “This next song’s called Demma Bad Bwoi Duppy Man Ting (Irie Pussyclot Ting),” too often, do you?

Look, we started this short-hair Bono thing for a bit of fun – we said that when Bono’s got long hair U2 release best-selling anthems about the enduring hope at the core of the human condition, but when he’s got short hair they release crap that sounds like it was stolen from an EMF B-side – but it’s becoming clear that the whole thing’s got beyond a joke now.

The first sign was U2′s Get On Your Boots single, in that it sounds like a novelty grunge cover of We Didn’t Start The Fire and that Bono’s look for its promotion seems to be based on Johnny Vegas‘ dad. And then we found out that the U2 Spider-Man musical wasn’t the cruel wind-up that we suspected it to be.

But now? Now we’ve really entered the world of nightmares. Previously the worst of U2′s zany excesses involved emerging onto stages through giant glittery lemons, but now they’ve shot so far past it that it’s unreal – U2 have recorded a reggae album. And, get this, they’re actually going to release it. News Of The World reports:

It’s a Beautiful Day when I can dish out the biggest goss from inside the U2 camp – the boys have secretly recorded a brand new reggae/dub album. The supergroup recorded the album in secret during the sessions for cracking new disc, No Line On The Horizon, and they’ll unleash it onto the world at the start of next year.

You know what this means. It means that U2 have run out of ideas to such an alarming extent that they’ve now been reduced to ripping off Paris Hilton. What an upsetting state of affairs.

But, come on now, let’s not make this news make us too depressed, shall we? Dwell on the thought of Bono poncing around a stage in a dreadlocked wig singing about Babylon and Haile Selassie and correct dutchie-passing etiquette in a borderline racist Desmond’s accent for too long and you’ll probably end up hurling yourself under the nearest train.

Because there are positives to this as well, you know. For instance, since dub reggae isn’t really known for its lyrics, there’s a pretty good chance that the new U2 album won’t feature Bono prattling on about his shimmering cities of uplifting emotions like a weird Gollumy mid-life crisis motivational speaker too much.

And, best of all, once U2 have released this album people can start to go back to not liking them very much again. And thus the world restores its balance.

Read more:

U2′s Secret New Album – News Of The World

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