Articles tagged with: Tyra Banks
There are close to seven billion people on Earth right now. Stalkers aren't exactly tripping over each other for fresh victims. And yet Brady Green still stalked Tyra Banks. He could have tried stalking anyone else - someone who can only articulate their feelings without using a series of preposterous facial expressions, perhaps, or someone who seems pleasant - but no. Brady Green decided to stalk Tyra Banks, and now he's been convicted. Alright, technically Brady Green was convicted of stalking, harassment, criminal trespass and attempted aggravated harassment, but that's only because you can't be convicted of having dreadful taste in women.
What’s nice about America’s Next Top Model is that it takes a young girl who really isn’t good at anything at all, and somehow turns that into a positive. Throughout a typical season several competing girls learn to take their overall dearth of life-skills and fling them at the camera like a monkey flings fecal matter that's been picked clean of all its nutritional value. It's an ode to humanity if you think about it; girls come from nothing, Tyra intervenes, girls receive the potential to make loads of money all over the place by blankly staring into the business end of George Eastman's big glass eye. But what happens if a would-be contestant just has too many penises? Would his bulgy bikini shots be a life-long demerit. Not if Tyra has anything to say about it. Which she does, especially in this case - she's paying to have one of the show's contestants get their man-hammer cut off with knives. Seriously. Sounds like a ratings winner.
What would America's Next Top Model be like if a gang of dim-looking skinny idiots didn't screech "Tyra mail!" every 3.2 seconds?
We might soon find out, because word from America's Top Model is that Tyra Banks is getting on so badly with photoshoot coordinator Jay Manuel that she's threatening to quit the show. But is there anyone else who can say "you're still in the running to become America's Next Top Model," with Tyra Banks' utter lack of feeling or expression?
Obviously when we said "we might soon find out," we didn't mean us specifically. We wouldn't be caught dead watching America's Next Top Model. Ahem.
A man purported to be Tyra Banks' stalker has been freed by police a day after getting arrested - but don't worry, because he sounds a bit crap.
Brady Green is accused of constantly leaving phone messages for Tyra Banks, sending her flowers and letters and turning up at her TV studio unannounced. Which, you know, is hardly sending her dildos or drawing threatening cartoons of her.
Worryingly, though, Brady Green is back on the streets after police charged and released him. Obviously the sensible thing would have been to lock him away in a nuthouse because, seriously, we didn't think anyone liked Tyra Banks at all, let alone enough to actually follow her around and stuff.
Janice Dickinson has just spent three weeks in the jungle living off nothing but kangaroo anuses and the nervous energy that comes from listening to Christopher Biggins shriek like a schoolgirl every two seconds.
And all this has made Janice Dickinson thin. Not only that, but it's turned Janice Dickinson into a sort of fat-fairy who can twinkle into any room, wiggle her wand and declare that people are either fat or thin depending on nothing more than how she feels at any given moment in time. And, as such, Janice Dickinson has just told the world that Tyra Banks is fat on the Today show. Although Tyra Banks has yet to respond to Janice's fat claim, it's thought that she'll issue a statement by teatime declaring that Janice Dickinson lives in a cardboard box, has fleas and buys all her clothes from Asda.
That's unless she eats it first, the lardy moo.
