two and a half men - HecklerSpray

Dickmatized Mila Kunis to Appear on Two and a Half Men

March 7th, 2014 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

So, as you all know by now, hot babe/super talented actress, Mila Kunis and hot babe/zero talent actor, Ashton Kutcher are engaged. As much as I love Mila and feel nothing for Ashton, I get this match. They’ve been working together since she was 14-years-old, and he was allegedly her first tongue kiss (ok, it was on-screen, but still), so in a way it’s actually kind of sweet that they ended up together.

However, that is absolutely no excuse for this new news that has come out: Mila has agreed to do a guest spot on Two and a Half Men. Two and a Half Men was one of those shows that my mom loved and I was painfully indifferent to back when it starred Charlie Sheen. I mean, when Charlie was on it, it was KIND OF ok, but now that Ashton is on it it’s legitimately painful to watch, so Mila’s agreement to be on the show means one thing: homegirl is seriously dickmatized.

10 TV Shows That Need To Be Put Out Of Their Misery

September 3rd, 2013 By Rhiannon Davies

The five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. ?It doesn’t just apply to having to flush your poor goldfish down the toilet, couch potatoes of ever variety go through the same emotions every time a TV show is cut down in it’s prime.

So why is it that some poor shows are allowed to limp forlornly in to their next season? Main characters having jumped ship long ago, story lines becoming more and more ridiculous, nobody watching them but extras trying to catch a glimpse of themselves. Sometimes the networks need to realise the right time to stop trying to flog that dead horse.

How Did Martin Sheen Produce Such Nutty Children?

December 1st, 2012 By Chris Starr

There couldn’t be a clearer contrast between Martin Sheen and son Charlie on the surface. The father was the President of the United States, Jed Bartlet, the morally stern and forthright yet loveable old coot from The West Wing. The son is the guy who popularised #winning for a cup of coffee before people got sick of it (and him).

But then you dig deeper and you begin to notice the similarities. Sheen the elder has said of Sheen the younger (the coke fiend) the following:

Charlie Sheen Slopes Into The News With Some Legal Action Stuck To His Head

February 16th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

It’s coke week on hecklerspray and the latest trouble mental celebrity on our pages is our old chum Charlie Sheen who has stopped pretending to have feline blood and offering chandliers out for a fight, just in time to be threatened with legal action by his former employers!

Hurray for stupid Charlie Sheen who can’t do a thing right thanks to addling his little walnut of a brain with a concoction of high quality drugs and glamour models.

What a spectacular berk he is.

Review: Comedy Central’s Threesome

August 5th, 2012 By Michael Park

When hecklerspray do reviews, it’s usually of a national institution like the X Factor, The Apprentice or Nick Knowles Dusts The Natural History Museum. It’s very rare for us to see something on television and write about it unless it’s likely to spawn pseudo-celebrity targets for us. Why is that? We’re not a TV website.

It’s pretty much as simple as that.

Still, that brings us around neatly to Comedy Central’s brand new situation comedy Threesome which starts next week on the channel which actively encourages “Two & A Half Men”. Still, let’s not hold that against Threesome, which is the very first British sitcom to be commissioned by the channel.

Americans Are Stupid And Their Love Of Two And A Half Men Only Proves It

September 21st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

America. Bless you for the insanely good things you’ve given the world. Muscle cars, hamburger joints, rock ‘n’ roll and television will always be your crowning glory and us Limeys will forever be in your debt.

However, your taste in television shows is awful. From a country (nay, virtual continent) that gave us Taxi, The Simpsons, M*A*S*H, Roots, Ren & Stimpy, The Muppet Show and more, what in Christ’s name are you doing frittering away your time with dross like Two And A Half Men?

Seriously. What’s with liking Two And A Half Men so much that it breaks network records? Eh? And don’t think we haven’t noticed how much you enjoy the unswerving dreck of The Big Bang Theory.

Charlie Sheen To Grin Through The Tears At Comedy Roast Before Hitting The Drugs Again

July 6th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

For all the misery that Charlie Sheen has put us through since his wheeze of Being A Nutter got tired, we’ve all been waiting for some comeback. We kinda hoped he’d OD on bad drugs surrounded by prostitutes rifling his pockets, but alas, it wasn’t to be.

In fact, since Chuck Sheeno knocked the drugs on the head, the best he’s offered is a stupid custody case which is less interesting as watching nana trying to work a television remote.

However, we might get to see his uncomfortable face grinning while he masks the stabbing pain of being torn eight new arseholes as it transpires he’ll be subject to one of those fine American institutions – The Comedy Roast.

The Horribly Lonely Charlie Sheen To Die A Gruesome, Violent Death

June 28th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Charlie Sheen was once the talk of the town. He enchanted us all with his spectacular nervous breakdown, his drug taking, his fondness for pornography, his punching of chandeliers and his inventing of various phrases. However, he went off quicker than an opened yoghurt.

Still, we left Sheeno with his custody case with Brooke Mueller and his many girlfriends (or ‘Goddesses’ as he preferred), so while we mocked his slope away from the limelight, he still seemed to have an enviable, if brain-rotting life.

Or not, as it transpires. See, these days, since no-one really gives two shits about Charlie Sheen (he’s clean of drugs now, thereby, he’s as boring as Robert Pattinson), those that enjoyed sharing his limelight have decided to walk away from him. He’s no longer eccentric and famous, rather, he’s just a weirdo now. And long gone are his goddesses as Charlie now find himself horrible single and invariably rummaging around trying to find his dealer’s phone number again.

Ashton Kutcher Says The ‘Men’ Gig Is Like Winning The Lottery (Wholly Undeserved Riches Brought On By Chance?)

May 19th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

As well you know, Ashton Kutcher is a oddly hairlined berk. He’s managed to make a career out of… well… playing himself. Which is notably, a dunderhead with a six pack and blank look on his head.

Still, at least he’s aware of this. How?

Well, the pro-goofball – who was recently announced as Charlie Sheen’s replacement on Two And A Half Men – says that his landing the role ‘feels like winning the lottery’. As you know, the lottery is a game of chance which showers someone with vast fortune despite them not having ever really earned it. Nice of him to underline how unfair the world can be for us all.

Incredibly Annoying Charlie Sheen To Be Replaced By Even More Annoying Ashton Kutcher On ‘Men’?

May 13th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

After rumours floated around the slebphere that Hugh Grant was to take over Charlie Sheen’s role on Two And A Half Men (ostensibly, The Famous One On The Show), everyone scratched their heads and muttered about how little sense it made. Surely a programme like that needs someone more irritating than Hugh Grant?

Well, it seemed impossible, but CBS are weighing up an actor who is roughly a million times more grating than Charlie Sheen… and this actor can grind your gears without being a dead-eyed junky!

That’s right folks, the only man on Earth more irritating than Charlie Sheen is Ashton Kutcher (the stepson of 83 year old Demi Moore) has reportedly signed a deal to join the cast of the woeful sitcom when it returns for a ninth season.