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Justin Bieber Definitely Not The Father Of That Kid Says Entirely Trustworthy Source From His Prison Cell – Beyond Satire

by Paul Pencott

It seems years ago Mariah Yeater made the unbelieble (!) claim that Justin Bieber had spaffed a viable sperm into her vulva resulting in a tiny little yodelling girl/boy-child growing in her womb when, to look at him, you couldn’t imagine he’d progressed as far as having sex with Lady Palm and her five inexperienced [...]

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Golden Globe Nominations Cause Fleeting Interest All Over The World

by Mof Gimmers

Hey! The Golden Globe nominees have been announced! Isn’t that amazing? Your day just went from pretty average to spectacular on the waft of a bunch of nominations for a bunch of actors who barely know you exist! Tip top stuff. Two veritable strangers to us all are having a particularly good day today, namely, [...]

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Cyberbullying With Miley Cyrus, Kelly Osbourne and Khloe Kardashian

by Kris Silver

The internet can be a dark and cruel place full of cyber bullies hiding behind anonymous usernames and bastards like us, who are rewarded by the mainstream media for having blogs dedicated to slagging off celebrities. Ha! In fact, the internet is such a vile cesspool of hate that the stars have come out and [...]

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Selena Gomez Stalker Asks For Permanent Restraining Order – Amazing Scenes

by Paul Pencott

Stalkers of genuinely interesting people who warrant obsessive behaviour were thought to be applauding the actions of Thomas Brodnicki last night, as the aforementioned botherer of Selena Gomez asked for permanent, legally-binding non-contact with a woman few people have actually heard of. There had apparently been genuine fear amongst the terrifying community of medicated borderline-schizophrenics [...]

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Sara Leal Makes Lame Excuses For Bedding Ashton Kutcher

by Mof Gimmers

Just imagine how BRILLIANT it must be to be held responsible for the break-up of a really famous celebrity couple. Just think about that. You. There in your soiled dungarees, aimlessly chewing your hand. You. Breaking up some really famous people and making them HATE each other. God. That’d be amazing. However, Sara Leal – [...]

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Caroline Flack Determined To Have Most Awful Sexual History Ever (Really? Olly Murs?)

by Mof Gimmers

Death-threats have dogged Caroline Flack since everyone found out she’s allegedly been shagging Harry Styles from One Direction. Fans are furious and the rest of the world is doing small vomits in their mouths. That’s because Harry Styles is a veritable child. He’s 17 and she’s 408 years old. Of course, the Xtra Factor host [...]

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Sinead O’Connor Stops Asking Twitter For Sex Just Long Enough To Get Married In Vegas

by Mof Gimmers

Sinead O’Connor is a brilliantly mental person to have about the place isn’t she? Rallying against The Pope, becoming a priest, being a Rastafarian and, most lately, asking people on Twitter to come ’round her house and bum her. Seriously. Did you miss all that? Good ol’ Sinead was demanding a parade of young studs [...]

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Adele In Cancelled American Tour Rider Shocker!

by Matthew Laidlow

You might not enjoy the music of Adele, but when award season rolls round, she won’t have enough room in her bathroom to show them all off. With six Grammy nominations and probable Brit nods, she’s likely to sweep the board. You can’t escape Adele’s music due to her success, and so, an extensive tour [...]

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Caroline Flack Doesn’t Think Having Sex With One Direction Teenagers Is Disgusting At All

by Joanna Bolouri

Xtra Factor host Caroline Flack has finally broken her silence over bouncy haired One Direction singer Harry Styles, in an attempt to end minutes of speculation over whether she was lustfully gnawing on his teenage bones like a dirty puma. After receiving death threats from hormonally unbalanced One Direction fans on Twitter warning her to [...]

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Mariah Yeater Likes To Take Drugs Infront Of Kids Supposedly

by Matthew Laidlow

Don’t recognise the name of the person in the article heading? Don’t worry, most people don’t either. It’s only when you mention that she’s the alleged bearer of Justin Bieber’s child that causes people’s ears to prick up. In a strange way, we kinda like this paternity situation because Bieber went totally badass on her. [...]

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