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Kris Humphries Was Told Exactly How To Propose To Kim Kardashian For Sham Marriage

by Mof Gimmers

Sportsmen are all uniformly thick. They’re thicker than pig dung and nearly as blank-faced as soldiers. It’s astonishing really. They need assistants to tell them to take their trousers off before going to the toilet. So it shouldn’t surprise us that Kris Humphries was told EXACTLY how to propose to Kim Kardashian. Just imagine that. [...]

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Khloe Kardashian Might Not Be A Kardashian; The Familial Equivalent Of A Get Out Of Jail Free Card

by Robin Darke

Truth be told, it isn’t very often that one of the debauched members of the hecklerspray bedsit would ever speak of a member of the Kardashian lizard family in any positive manner. Doing so carries a punishment. A punishment that would Max Mosley blush and thank his lucky stars that he only has goes up [...]

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Justin Bieber Talks Directly To God (Or, If You Prefer, To Himself)

by Mof Gimmers

Justin Bieber talks directly to God. Justin Bieber also thinks that “rape happens for a reason” as well. That invariably means we shouldn’t trust a vowel that dribbles out of that tiny week-old mouth of his. He’s Canadian too. They’re all like Americans without the whole ‘inventing rock ‘n’ roll’ thing. Anyway, Justin Bieber likes [...]

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Chris Brown Won’t Be Doing Interviews In 2012 Because He’s Tired Of Being Reminded That He’s An Idiot

by Mof Gimmers

Oh dear. Poor ol’ Chris Brown has got his boxing gloves in a twist. See, he doesn’t like people asking him about the terrible things he’s done in the past. The last time someone broached the topic of him punching Rihanna, he tore his shirt off and threw a chair at a window. And so, [...]

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Cee Lo Green Causes Outrage By Changing The Already Awful Lyrics To Lennon’s ‘Imagine’

by Mof Gimmers

John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’ is a pretty lousy song. Sure, it is still massively popular today, but then again, so is war and racism. Numbers and time multiplied doesn’t necessarily show the inherent quality of something. Either way, that doesn’t stop people being precious about it and today, various arms are being thrown into the air [...]

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Chris Brown Allowed Back To The Grammys Following His Fisting Incident With Rihanna

by Matthew Laidlow

Bugger. A new year is nearly upon us which means award ceremonies will soon be in full swing. February will see Adele win every award she’s nominated for at The Brits because quantity of sales rules over quality of music these days. The Brit awards are so dull that the most mind shattering event to [...]

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Justin Bieber’s Grandparents Nearly Dead

by Mof Gimmers

If there’s one thing worse than a bad thing happening to a celebrity, it’s a bad thing happening to a non-celebrity that is in some way related to a celebrity. Take for example, the dreadful news that Justin Bieber’s grandparents are nearly dead. You’ll be forgiven for thinking ‘all grandparents are nearly dead’, but you [...]

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Sinead O’Connor Decides Marriage Isn’t For Her, 16 Days After Ceremony (Also: Gays)

by Mof Gimmers

After Kim Kardashian split with her husband after an incredibly short period, now Sinead O’Connor is in on the act ending her marriage to Barry Herridge after a paltry 16 days. She was wed in Vegas on December 8 and call it a day on Christmas Eve. It feels like there’s something stirring. Like what? [...]

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Justin Bieber’s Baby Haver Still Won’t Give Up Her Fight

by Matthew Laidlow

Spare a thought for Justin Bieber this Christmas won’t you? It’s not because he’s can’t reach high shelves and get to his presents early. Instead, he’s still got mentalist stalker Mariah Yeater claiming that he leaked some sperm inside of her and created a baby. Instead of this matter being kept private due to its [...]

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Justin Bieber Wants His Child Fans To Know That Father Christmas Doesn’t Exist

by Mof Gimmers

Hey! Justin Bieber fans! Beliebers! Are you looking forward to Christmas? Are you? Have you been good this year? Are you hoping Father Christmas brings you Justin’s Christmas album to you on Christmas Day? He won’t. He definitely won’t. Not a rat-in-an-arse’s chance kiddo! That’s because Santa isn’t real. Yep. Big shock to us too. [...]

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