Chances are your minds have spent the last few weeks racing with worries about Jennifer Lopez's twins – do they have their mother's eyes? Do they have the right amount of fingers? Is one of them a bear? Were either of them born fully-qualified airline pilots – but now the truth is finally out.

The first pictures of Jennifer Lopez's twin babies have been published on the front cover of today's People magazine. And the good news is that, judging by the pictures, both of Jennifer Lopez's twins look perfectly fine – although if we were Marc Anthony might want a DNA paternity test just to clear up any lingering suspicion that Jennifer wasn't knocked up by a Boobah. Really, the resemblance is uncanny.

As if you didn't know, Jennifer Lopez gave birth to twins last month. In many ways, Jennifer Lopez was always going to a perfect mother – she'd been through a parade of men to find which would be the most suitable father for her children, suing some failed candidates and making others wish that they'd never met her, plus her gigantic arse is the ideal counterbalance for a papoose. What more could you ask for?

Six million dollars in cash? Why, yes, that'd help as well. So it's just as well that Jennifer Lopez signed an exclusive $6 million deal with People magazine for exclusive rights to her baby pictures. After all, Jennifer's love might not cost a thing but that's only because her love wasn't about to chew on her nipples until they're ragged and shit everywhere.

And now, finally, the photos of Jennifer Lopez's twins Maximiano and Emelina have finally been published in People magazine. It's hard to tell what the twins are like from one photo, but both babies appear to have their eyes closed, which suggests that Marc Anthony is off camera showing them their new garishly matching Roberto Cavelli velour tracksuits. Anyway, The Sun reports:

Jennifer Lopez proudly shows off her baby twins Max and Emme on the front cover of People magazine. The mag reportedly forked out £3million to get the first pictures of the twins, who are just four weeks old. New mum J-Lo is clearly besotted with her new arrivals, though she will be spending some time away from them when she starts filming new movie Love and Other Possible Pursuits later this year.

But let's not be too hasty with the praise for Jennifer Lopez here – true, she might have two healthy baby and an obscenely overpaid baby photo deal with a magazine, but let's not forget that selling baby photos to a magazine might cause untold psychological emotional damage to the babies themselves.

Look at Christina Aguilera, for example – everyone cared so little about her baby photos that it'll now have to struggle through its formative years with everyone knowing that it's a massive social reject. What if the same thing happens to Jennifer Lopez's twins? What if nobody buys this edition of People magazine? How will the babies cope?

We think they'll be alright. At the very least People has ensured that the magazine will have a higher circulation than if Marc Anthony and his weirdly gaunt spooked-out horror movie face was on the cover. It'd have been lucky to sell five copies if that happened.

Read more:

See first picture of J-Lo's twins – The Sun 

But although his new son and daughter survived the giant Heparin overdose – and are thought to be recovering well – Dennis Quaid is still thirsty for revenge. That's why Dennis Quaid and his wife Kimberly Buffington are suing Baxter Healthcare Corp, which manufactures Heparin, for £50,000 in a product liability lawsuit. It shows just how angry Dennis Quaid must be to pursue Baxter through legal paths, because in the past he's resolved any outstanding medical difficulties by shrinking himself down to a sub-atomic level and injecting himself up Martin Short's arse.

There are basically two things that parents never want to hear. One is "This is my new boyfriend. His name is Joshua but everyone calls him Devil Puke," and the other is "Sorry, we appear to have accidentally given your newborn baby twins 1,000 times more of this anti-coagulant drug than we were supposed to. Whoops."

And although Dennis Quaid still has the first one to look forward to, he knows the stomach-dropping fear of the second only too well. Last month the lives of Dennis Quaid's baby twins were put in jeopardy when hospital workers at the Los Angeles Cedars-Sinai Medical Centre inadvertently injected them with 10,000 units of blood-thinning drug Heparin instead of the usual 10.

Fortunately Dennis Quaid's twins have recovered well from the almighty, near-fatal cock-up, but that doesn't mean that Dennis Quaid is going to forgive and forget. No, Dennis Quaid wants revenge, just like in that film of his, Jaws 3-D. But, you know, he wants it by suing a pharmaceutical company instead of exploding a big shark's mum with a hand grenade. For once.

So, long story short, Dennis Quaid has taken out a lawsuit against Baxter Healthcare Corp because he claims that different volumes of Heparin should be labelled more visibly, and the fact that they aren't is grounds for a product liability suit on the basis that he wants no other children to go through the same thing.

However, Baxter is claiming that the babies were only overdosed in the first place because hospital workers can't read numbers very well. Baxter spokeswoman Deborah Spak says:

"This is not a product issue. The issue here is about improper use of a product. While we strive to clearly differentiate our products and dosages, no amount of differentiation will replace the value of clinicians carefully reviewing and reading a drug name and dose before dispensing and administering it."

While it's not our place to speculate on legal matters that we clearly know nothing about – for once – the main thing is that Dennis Quaid's twins are OK. And the other main thing is that all of their future medical ailments will be cured by injecting a miniature Dennis Quaid into their arses and letting him fly around their guts getting slightly drunk, singing Sam Cooke songs and occasionally battling miniature evil nonspecific Europeans in a fight to the death above some stomach acid.

Read more:

Dennis Quaid And Wife Sue Drug Maker – Associated Press