Posts tagged as:

Twilight

Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart And Justin Bieber In Bizarre Love Triangle

by Mof Gimmers

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are, once more, the most boring couple in celebrityville. That’s right. They’ve been holding hands and kissing and thinking about doing it missionary style again, which is terrible news for all of you simpletons who thought that, perhaps one day, you’d get the chance to look in his undercrackers. The [...]

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Twilight Hand Model Wants Her Chance To Shine

by Kris Silver

Twilight fans, otherwise known as Twihards or obese pre-pubescent girls who need to go outside once in a while, are a notoriously crazy bunch. But one woman is determined to out crazy all of them by claiming she has some sort of right to be famous due to some arbitrary link with the series. Hand [...]

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Robert Pattinson Starts Music Career But Gets Drunk First In Order To Gain Some Kind Of Personality

by Mof Gimmers

There isn’t much about Robert Pattinson is there? If he wasn’t in some vaguely successful films about vampires who are ashamed of their own erections, then you’d probably hang a coat off him and think no more of it. In a bid to get some personality, Pattinson has decided to do two things. Apparently, the [...]

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Twilight: Emma Watson Wants Robert Pattinson To Bog Off

by Stuart Heritage

Twilight and Harry Potter are basically the same – both are supernatural books for children and stupid adults. But there are differences. In Harry Potter, it’s basically taken as granted that all the characters are timid virgins – except for Dumbledore, of course, who spends most of his free time engaged in all sorts of [...]

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An Elephant Tries To Do The Right Thing By Crushing Robert Pattinson

by Mof Gimmers

Robert Pattinson is a crashing bore isn’t he? There’s so little about him that, should you see him at a party, you might be tempted to hang your coat on him. Even then, your coat would become so bored of hanging on such a useless lump that it would throw itself to the ground in [...]

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Weekend Box Office: Twilight continues to be rubbish while Inception rules

by Mof Gimmers

Pah. You call Twilight a cult hit? It sniffed the top of the box office charts like a dog round an anus before tootling off to lick its own genitals. Yep, after a measly week, it limped off the top-spot in what I can only hope was a mass realisation that vampires are, in fact, rubbish.

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Robert Pattinson In Name-Calling War With Courtney Love

by Amy Grindhouse

Robert Pattinson, we’ll have you know, is not besties with Courtney Love. This is news to us, and is something that was only confirmed in a weekend interview that Robert gave to The Daily Mirror. Wait. What’s that? The two haven’t liked each other since Courtney said that glittery Robert wasn’t worthy to have licked [...]

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Good News! Robert Pattinson Will Almost Certainly Sleep With You!

by Ralph Sanders

Hang on a minute, that’s not good news at all, is it? Who’d want to sleep with Robert Pattinson? You might as well do the nasty with a savagely whittled shop dummy with an unwashed birds nest pritt-sticked on top. One that you found under all the burst bin bags in the alley at the [...]

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Twilight: Eclipse Soaks Weekend Box Office In Urine

by Stuart Heritage

Oh, don’t pretend to be surprised. The Twilight Saga: Eclipse is number one at the US weekend box office.

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Robert Pattinson Wonders What This Whole Twilight Thing Is About Anyway

by Robyn Wilder

Suddenly we’re feeling a kinship towards Robert Pattinson. Yes, in the past we may have been irritated by his hair and face and ubiquity and the way his American accent makes him twalk a bwit like a robot Christopher Walken – but now he’s said that he doesn’t understand the Twilight saga, we’re all “Hey [...]

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