You know Robert Pattinson? You know how he stars in Twilight? And how he’ll be starring in Twilight 2 and Twilight 3 soon?

Well hold onto your hats because we’ve got some incredibly unexpected news for you. Get ready – Robert Pattinson is going to star in Twilight 4. We know! We were surprised, too!

We also have bad news – Robert Pattinson is the only star to agree to Twilight 4, so Ricky Martin will play Jacob Black, the wolf pack will be played by three homeless men who’ve been painted orange and Kristen Stewart will be portrayed by a horse in a top hat.

So it’s decided. The entire Twilight series of Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn - officially the most successful book franchise ever to be based on this Jaffa Cakes commercial – is going to be given the movie adaptation treatment.

We’re sure you’ll agree that this is wonderful news – not only will it mean that teenagers around the world will get their fill of badly-made fantasy films based on inexplicably popular books full of startlingly clanging moral lectures, but it also means that anyone who sticks around for the entire four-movie duration will be typecast as a dead-eyed vampire with gormless hair for the rest of their lives and grow to resent ever starring in the poxy thing to begin with. Everyone’s a winner.

Robert Pattinson can definitely count himself in the latter camp because, as MSNBC reports, he’s just agreed to star in Breaking Dawn, the final Twilight movie:

While in Cannes on Tuesday, Robert Pattinson confirmed that there will be a fourth “Twilight” film based on the Stephenie Meyer novel, “Breaking Dawn,” according to The Hollywood Reporter. Pattinson said he is committed to starring in the final outing to date, but doesn’t know when backers Summit Entertainment will begin production because of the actor’s jam-packed shooting schedule.

Committing to the whole Twilight franchise is a risky move for Robert Pattinson. By the time the fourth film finishes – or even the fifth film, since it’s inevitable that producers will want to wring every last penny out of the series by chopping Breaking Dawn into pieces – then there’s a chance that Robert Pattinson will have lost his fanbase. Teenage girls are fickle creatures, and they might have moved on to the next monotone dullard with nice hair by then. And as for Robert Pattinson’s older fans? They’ll all be dead from a combination of old age and loneliness.

Still, now he’s signed up it’ll be interesting to see how Robert Pattinson is used in the next few Twilight movie. In New Moon he’ll literally be playing a voice in Kristen Stewart’s head, and we’ve heard that in Eclipse and Breaking Dawn he’ll be playing a voice in the head of the voice in the head of Kristen Stewart and the abstract concept of human liberty respectively. It’ll be a challenge if nothing else.

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