Articles tagged with: Twilight
New Moon: Miley Cyrus Really Doesn’t Like Twilight, OK? Jeez
Let's play a quick game. Things that Miley Cyrus likes: parties, the USA, money, the sound of her own voice. Things that Miley Cyrus doesn't like: Twilight. There must be other things too - like having a dad whose beard is shaped like a stripper's vagina, probably - but Twilight is the main one. Miley Cyrus really doesn't like Twilight. We know this because Miley Cyrus told someone that she didn't like Twilight and now it's news. Because that's how news works. In fact, Miley Cyrus says that she doesn't even believe in Twilight, which is silly because it clearly exists. A damning indictment of the homeschool curriculum from Miley Cyrus, there.
Let's play a quick game. Things that Miley Cyrus likes: parties, the USA, money, the sound of her own voice. Things that Miley Cyrus doesn't like: Twilight. There must be other things too - like having a dad whose beard is shaped like a stripper's vagina, probably - but Twilight is the main one. Miley Cyrus really doesn't like Twilight. We know this because Miley Cyrus told someone that she didn't like Twilight and now it's news. Because that's how news works. In fact, Miley Cyrus says that she doesn't even believe in Twilight, which is silly because it clearly exists. A damning indictment of the homeschool curriculum from Miley Cyrus, there.
Will There Be A New Twilight Book? Um…
With New Moon being released this week, there's only one question that needs to be asked about the Twilight saga. And that's 'for the love of all that's holy, won't somebody make it stop?' Oh, and also 'now that the saga has become so depressingly popular, will Stephenie Meyer ever write another Twilight book?' That is a question that needs to be asked. It is. It is. Alright, it isn't. But Stephenie Meyer has answered it anyway. So will there be a new Twilight book? Maybe. One day. Unless she thinks of something better to do. Possibly. You're welcome Twilight fans. You're welcome.
With New Moon being released this week, there's only one question that needs to be asked about the Twilight saga. And that's 'for the love of all that's holy, won't somebody make it stop?' Oh, and also 'now that the saga has become so depressingly popular, will Stephenie Meyer ever write another Twilight book?' That is a question that needs to be asked. It is. It is. Alright, it isn't. But Stephenie Meyer has answered it anyway. So will there be a new Twilight book? Maybe. One day. Unless she thinks of something better to do. Possibly. You're welcome Twilight fans. You're welcome.
Official: Robert Pattinson Smells Like A Binbag Full Of Dirty Nappies
Robert Pattinson has got it all. He's got incredible fame. He's got wealth. He's got moviestar good looks. He's got a stinky arse. He's got armpit odour that could blind a nun from 30 paces. He's got breath that could dissolve concrete. He's got feet that could be isolated and used as a spitefully powerful weaponised pathogen. He has. No, really, he has. Robert Pattinson has admitted to a magazine that he essentially smells like a dirty protest in a curry house. Um, Robert Pattinson? We think you'll find that slagging you off is our job, not yours. Would you like it if we starred in a number of crappy films about sparkly bad-haired effeminate vampires? No. No you wouldn't. So stop it.
Robert Pattinson has got it all. He's got incredible fame. He's got wealth. He's got moviestar good looks. He's got a stinky arse. He's got armpit odour that could blind a nun from 30 paces. He's got breath that could dissolve concrete. He's got feet that could be isolated and used as a spitefully powerful weaponised pathogen. He has. No, really, he has. Robert Pattinson has admitted to a magazine that he essentially smells like a dirty protest in a curry house. Um, Robert Pattinson? We think you'll find that slagging you off is our job, not yours. Would you like it if we starred in a number of crappy films about sparkly bad-haired effeminate vampires? No. No you wouldn't. So stop it.
The Twilight Dildo And Other Horrors Of Design & Engineering
If you're going insert a foreign body into yourself, surely you wouldn't want to use something that can only be associated with visceral terror, right? Wrong, apparently. As a response to my heartfelt criticism of Twilight, someone sent me this link to what appears to be a dildo based on what Edward's junk might look like. It's after the jump, so proceed with caution...
If you're going insert a foreign body into yourself, surely you wouldn't want to use something that can only be associated with visceral terror, right? Wrong, apparently. As a response to my heartfelt criticism of Twilight, someone sent me this link to what appears to be a dildo based on what Edward's junk might look like. It's after the jump, so proceed with caution...
Kristen Stewart Would Like Everyone To Eff Off Now, Please
There's a good chance that Kristen Stewart is the most envied girl on the face of the planet right now. Why? Just look at her. She doesn't just get to kiss Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner all day long, but she actually gets paid to do it. No wonder Kristen Stewart recently topped an imaginary poll of stars who teenage girls would most like to secretly kill in order to dance around in a nightmarish suit made out of their skin. And how does Kristen Stewart react to all this scrutiny of her private life? By telling the entire world to jolly well eff off, obviously.
There's a good chance that Kristen Stewart is the most envied girl on the face of the planet right now. Why? Just look at her. She doesn't just get to kiss Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner all day long, but she actually gets paid to do it. No wonder Kristen Stewart recently topped an imaginary poll of stars who teenage girls would most like to secretly kill in order to dance around in a nightmarish suit made out of their skin. And how does Kristen Stewart react to all this scrutiny of her private life? By telling the entire world to jolly well eff off, obviously.
Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart: Not A Couple (Unless They Are)
We don't know about you, but we wish that the events in Twilight and New Moon would happen in real life. We wish we knew a topless werewolf. We wish the world was really full of vampires. We really wish that Robert Pattinson would dissolve as soon as he comes in contact with sunlight. But, more than anything, we wish that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were a real couple. But, sadly, they're not. Robert Pattinson has told Vanity Fair as much. Which means that they are. Unless they've broken up. But they haven't. Probably. Unless they're not. Clear?
We don't know about you, but we wish that the events in Twilight and New Moon would happen in real life. We wish we knew a topless werewolf. We wish the world was really full of vampires. We really wish that Robert Pattinson would dissolve as soon as he comes in contact with sunlight. But, more than anything, we wish that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were a real couple. But, sadly, they're not. Robert Pattinson has told Vanity Fair as much. Which means that they are. Unless they've broken up. But they haven't. Probably. Unless they're not. Clear?
Taylor Lautner Wants Everyone To Stop Staring At His Nipples
NEW MOON SPOILER ALERT: We've heard from insiders that Taylor Lautner might take his shirt off in New Moon. But tell nobody. It's a secret. If you look closely at the New Moon marketing campaign, though, you might see hints. Like the way that, say, Taylor Lautner doesn't wear a shirt in any of the New Moon trailers. Or any of the New Moon posters. Or the way that he appears to have never worn an item of clothing on his torso ever, even briefly as a joke. And this upsets Taylor Lautner. He says he wants to be remembered for his acting, not his body. And he'll prove it with his next movie, The Topless Adventures Of Captain Areola And The Greased-Up Avengers.
NEW MOON SPOILER ALERT: We've heard from insiders that Taylor Lautner might take his shirt off in New Moon. But tell nobody. It's a secret. If you look closely at the New Moon marketing campaign, though, you might see hints. Like the way that, say, Taylor Lautner doesn't wear a shirt in any of the New Moon trailers. Or any of the New Moon posters. Or the way that he appears to have never worn an item of clothing on his torso ever, even briefly as a joke. And this upsets Taylor Lautner. He says he wants to be remembered for his acting, not his body. And he'll prove it with his next movie, The Topless Adventures Of Captain Areola And The Greased-Up Avengers.
Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is
Star Wars and Clone Wars. Folded: Uncharted 2: Among Thieves (zip-line! The train! The mountains! Holy crap!) Batman bike leathers (these are either too cool for school or too sad for words. Not sure yet) A ‘state of the art film centre for London’s South Bank’ (so we can’t really afford £45 million quid at the moment, but what else is new?) The ...
Star Wars and Clone Wars. Folded: Uncharted 2: Among Thieves (zip-line! The train! The mountains! Holy crap!) Batman bike leathers (these are either too cool for school or too sad for words. Not sure yet) A ‘state of the art film centre for London’s South Bank’ (so we can’t really afford £45 million quid at the moment, but what else is new?) The ...
