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TV Show

Rosie O’Donnell Back Filling TV’s ‘Angry Lesbian’ Quota Again

by Stuart Heritage

This is a day as momentous as the moon landing plus the fall of the Berlin wall multiplied by three Live Aids – Rosie O’Donnell’s back on TV!

After spending 17 months in the television wilderness, where she’s filled her time with nothing but failed comeback attempts and screwy pronouncements about other gay celebrities, it’s been announced that Rosie O’Donnell will host a live one-hour primetime show on NBC the day before Thanksgiving.

The show is to be entitled Rosie’s Variety Hour. It’s an accurate name, since the entire show is going to be an hour of Rosie O’Donnell destroying a variety of things that make her angry with a cricket bat – like a bible, the Second Amendment to the United States Constitution, the headquarters of an anti-abortion lobby group and, as a finale, a 30-storey slime-filled papier mache sculpture of Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Donald Trump holding hands.

This is a day as momentous as the moon landing plus the fall of the Berlin wall multiplied by three Live Aids - Rosie O'Donnell's back on TV! After spending 17 months in the television wilderness, where she's filled her time with nothing but failed comeback attempts and screwy pronouncements about other gay celebrities, it's been announced that Rosie O'Donnell will host a live one-hour primetime show on NBC the day before Thanksgiving. The show is to be entitled Rosie's Variety Hour. It's an accurate name, since the entire show is going to be an hour of Rosie O'Donnell destroying a variety of things that make her angry with a cricket bat - like a bible, the Second Amendment to the United States Constitution, the headquarters of an anti-abortion lobby group and, as a finale, a 30-storey slime-filled papier mache sculpture of Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Donald Trump holding hands.
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Friends Movie Just a Horrible, Horrible Rumour. For Now.

by Ian Dransfield

It's become quite sad how strapped for ideas Hollywood has become. Not content with raiding everything from our childhoods – Transformers, Thundercats, The Smurfs – and not even leaving it alone after travesties such as Starsky and Hutch or Miami Vice, the top bods have had to look to things that haven't even left the [...]

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Sorry America. Lily Allen Is Coming Your Way Real Soon

by Matthew Laidlow

Hecklerspray are a bunch of merry people who would never inflict any harm on you. We’d do anything to help you out. Say you thought some Russian military types had tampered with your food; we’d be there to help you. Sure, we’d be putting our own life at risk as we gingerly slurped your tomato [...]

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Chris Rock Is A ‘Statutory Rapist’, claims TV show. Only Joking!

by Paul Sorrenti

Chris Rock, until recently widely regarded as the funniest man in the English speaking world (as recent as Friday, in fact) has, all of a sudden, lost his sense of humour entirely.

Chris, currently touring his ‘No apologies’ show around South Africa, was the butt of a US reality TV show prank – one of the funniest pranks in the history of pranks, FYI.

You ask: what was said prank? Well, hehe, get this! God, we’re laughing just typing it down! Right, this TV show (which no one seems to know the name of) made accusations that Chris Rock has, wait for it… had sex with an underage British girl – when he hasn’t! Ahahahahahaha!

Genius! And yet, for some reason, Chris Rock didn’t find being accused of statuatory rape funny in the slightest. The bloody square.

Chris Rock, until recently widely regarded as the funniest man in the English speaking world (as recent as Friday, in fact) has, all of a sudden, lost his sense of humour entirely. Chris, currently touring his ‘No apologies’ show around South Africa, was the butt of a US reality TV show prank - one of the funniest pranks in the history of pranks, FYI. You ask: what was said prank? Well, hehe, get this! God, we’re laughing just typing it down! Right, this TV show (which no one seems to know the name of) made accusations that Chris Rock has, wait for it… had sex with an underage British girl - when he hasn’t! Ahahahahahaha! Genius! And yet, for some reason, Chris Rock didn’t find being accused of statuatory rape funny in the slightest. The bloody square.
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Paris Hilton And The 85,000 Horseman Of The Apocalypse

by Paul Sorrenti

It was written that this day would come.

The Egyptian Sun God Horus; who was naturally begat by Jesus Christ; who was echoed by Nostradamus, and then, most poignantly of all, by Travis Bickle; all spake of a day when the worth of the people of the world would reach such a trough that our almighty lord God would be left with no alternative but to unleash a mighty rain to wash the scum off the streets.

And that day is nigh, our brothers, for 85000 people have volunteered to become Paris Hilton’s new best friend.

You can waste your time watching as many Al Gore documentaries as you like, but believe hecklerspray when we tell you that global warming is nothing but a 5* Hotel-funded conspiracy.

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Peaches Geldof’s Reality TV Show: Hecklerspray’s Near-Miss

by Matthew Laidlow

Hecklerspray’s Matthew Laidlow recently applied for a job at a magazine, not knowing that it was to be edited by Peaches Geldof as part of an MTV reality TV show. Here’s his account of what happened…

Firstly, let’s be clear – nobody told me that I was going going for a job on a reality TV show or that Peaches Geldof was going to be the editor. Both these factors would have put me off straight away.

So here is my story of how I almost worked with the stupidly named celebrity wannabe Peaches Geldof.

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Paris Hilton Launches Her Twonkish Reality TV Friend Search

by Stuart Heritage

As a person currently using the internet, chances are you don’t have any friends. But Paris Hilton wants to change all that right now.

Because Paris Hilton wants you to be her friend. Well, not you obviously. Someone who’s a little less likely to stab her in the eye in a fit of rage within 20 seconds of meeting her. You know, someone who – shudder – actually likes Paris Hilton.

Yesterday Paris Hilton launched her new reality TV show, entitled Paris Hilton’s My New BFF – short for ‘best friend forever’. The show was going to be called Paris Hilton’s My New BFFTPOASLRTSAICINS – short for ‘best friend for the purposes of a short-lived reality TV show and I’m certain it’s not sincere’, but BFF’s just that little bit snappier.

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Marie Osmond Gets Own Show To Fall Down On

by Stuart Heritage

If you’re a sad, divorced, light-headed member of a fringe religion who has unruly children and collects creepy dolls, television has let you down lately.

But not any more, because Marie Osmond has just announced her own daytime TV show. And, from what we can gather, this is just because Marie Osmond fell over on that TV show about dancing.

Don’t worry, though, Marie Osmond’s TV show won’t start until late next year, so you’ve got plenty of time to go and find ways to avoid it. Maybe, say, by blowing your head up with dynamite or trying to chew through an electrical power line.

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