If you're a sad, divorced, light-headed member of a fringe religion who has unruly children and collects creepy dolls, television has let you down lately.

But not any more, because Marie Osmond has just announced her own daytime TV show. And, from what we can gather, this is just because Marie Osmond fell over on that TV show about dancing.

Don't worry, though, Marie Osmond's TV show won't start until late next year, so you've got plenty of time to go and find ways to avoid it. Maybe, say, by blowing your head up with dynamite or trying to chew through an electrical power line.