There’s no video content for this week’s Badvertising, primarily because caretaker of the advertising corner, Michael Park, has become the victim of legal action after a woman’s head exploded after seeing his smug, self-involved face on her computer screen more than the appointed twice in a month. This means that it’s back to plain ol’ words!
When you’re making an advert, it’s important to establish a relationship for the sake of the viewer. Now, what do we mean by that? There are myriad different types of relationships in advertising from the authoritarian ‘expert’ who spends a worrying amount of time bellowing out of the television, to the ‘friends’ who love nothing more than snuggling up on a couch eating Maltesers and taking intravenous injections of air freshener.
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Hey you! We assume you’re straight! Why? That’s because we’re the product of a society steeped in the preposterous hocus of religion and, as well you know, religion don’t like the gays. Why? Because they make more money out of straight couples with their christenings and such.
Idiots. As such, when someone says “I’m not straight”, the world goes into meltdown! How can someone be Not Straight?! What would God think?
Mercifully, god doesn’t exist, which means, all you bozos leading a life of solely staring at the opposite sex are missing out on all the fun that actress Evan Rachel Wood has just revealed she can have. That’s because she’s bisexual, which means she can have sex with absolutely anyone she pleases, provided they’re of legal age and not asleep.
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Never mind all this tweeny-Twilight bollocks, True Blood is the occult for grown-ups.
Being a fan (or should that be fang?) of all things vampire, True Blood was always going to be up my dark alley, but even I was surprised by how much I enjoyed season two. The vamps got better looking, there were zombies, much less Sookie, and best of all – we got to take the piss out of Christians.
Thanks to the DVD, I even managed an end-of-season-four-episodes-in-a-night fest, which was the best evening’s entertainment I’ve had in a long time. But then I am married and in my late 30s.
Season highlights for me: Eric Northman. He’s a Viking type and he’s a man. Do you see what they did with his name? Clever, eh?
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What is it about the Deep South of America that scares the crap out of me?
If ever I was to rank all the places in the world according to where I would like to go before I die, it would probably appear below warzones Afghanistan and Burma. It’s still above France though.
It’s ridiculous, I know, but I’m British. My only knowledge of the area comes from appalling horror movies and one heavily-edited episode of Top Gear. But there is something about the place which really freaks me out.
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In the build up to the launch of vampire drama True Blood on Channel 4, hecklerspray’s Keith Emmerson caught up with the defiantly charming and ruggedly handsome Stephen Moyer (who plays Bill Compton) to discover the man behind the vampire.
We are also reassuringly told that he could kill Robert Pattinson if he had to. If you didn’t catch the first episode on Channel 4, it’s available on 4OD – watch it.
Video after the jump!
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Hello, and welcome to another edition of Things About Vampires That Clearly Stomp All Over Twilight.
So far this week we’ve shown you a trailer for True Blood, which is what Twilight would be like if all the vampires weren’t such godawful namby-pambies, and now here’s the trailer for Blood: The Last Vampire, which is what Twilight would be like if all the vampires were kickass Asian schoolgirl kung-fu ninjas.
And if the phrase ‘kickass Asian schoolgirl kung-fu ninjas’ gets you as giddy as it does us, you really have to watch the Blood: The Last Vampire trailer after the jump. It’s epic…
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If you’ve seen Twilight, you’ll know that vampires are scrawny and sensitive and have big sad puppy eyes and are about as dangerous as a cotton wool statue of a kitten.
But judging by this new trailer for the forthcoming series of True Blood, that’s all a lot of rubbish. If this trailer is any indication, True Blood is a vampire show full of boobs, bottoms, bikinis, sexy dancing, orgasms, pelvic grinding, spanking, face-licking, nudity, masturbation, bestiality and enough sex scenes to literally turn you blind. In that order.
Honestly, it’s quite a trailer. It’s after the jump…
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Oh bad luck, Westboro Baptist Church. It’s fangs that God hates. Fangs. You were one letter out! So close! How silly must you feel?
For proof, see the video after the jump. God definitely hates fangs – if he didn’t then why would He allow so many people to bung up banners all across London? No answer? Exactly.
Now, rumour has it that this is all just a ploy to remind people about the imminent British arrival of TV show True Blood – a sort of Twilight that grown-ups and the mentally-capable can enjoy – but we’re not so sure. See for yourself…
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