Britain is a dreary place with wet weather and armies of people queuing up to start moral panics about someone somewhere bring offended about something sometime. Britain in summertime, however, is a brilliant place with events every weekend determined to squeeze the last bit of fun, laughter and hedonism out of you.
Let’s hear it for festivals! We may say horrible things about them sometimes but that’s only us pretending to be all cynical and curmudgeonly.
Really we love them, so we’re going to bring you a series of previews throughout the summer. These guides serve two purposes. Firstly to get you excited and improve your quality of life by getting you out of the house. Secondly, to help convince festival organisers to give us free tickets! And we don’t even have to compromise our creative credibility since (a) we genuinely love festivals and (b) we have no creative credibility.
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With Sly Stallone’s bizarre announcement that he’d like Bruce Willis to appear as a villain in The Expendables 2 (because apparently flogging a dead horse once just isn’t enough) we here at Hecklerspray decided to man up and have ourselves a good, ol’ fashioned Die Hard marathon, to re-acquaint ourselves with one of our favourite action movie icons.
But something troubled us deeply, Die Hard, Die Hard 2: Die Harder, Die Hard 3: Die Hard With a Vengeance and Die Hard 4.0: Life Free or Die Hard, the scenes seemed to be a lot more ridiculous than we remembered. Happily this meant that we can bring you the top 10 most ridiculous scenes from the Die Hard series.
Be prepared for explosions, gravity defying stunts and an old man who’s harder than the nails in his coffin in this summer’s most action packed, critically acclaimed and hotly anticipated Hecklerspray top 10!
You’d pay $20 for a photo of Gary Coleman. For the pleasure of looking at a dishevelled grump-faced 40-year-old midget for the rest of your life, you’d pay $20.
No really, you will pay $20. Don’t think you can go snapping pictures of Gary Coleman on your phone without paying $20 first. Do that and you’ll get beaten up by Gary Coleman and Gary Coleman’s wife, and get your phone stolen, and then get knocked to the ground by Gary Coleman’s truck. Allegedly.
Alternatively, do do that. That’s apparently what happened to Colt Rushton earlier this month and, as well as making sure that Gary Coleman has been charged with reckless driving and disorderly conduct for it, he’s also hit Coleman with a lawsuit. This has to make today the worst day for Gary Coleman since, dunno, yesterday? He doesn’t exactly look as if his days are filled with sunshine and monkeys, does he?
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You'd pay $20 for a photo of Gary Coleman. For the pleasure of looking at a dishevelled grump-faced 40-year-old midget for the rest of your life, you'd pay $20.
No really, you will pay $20. Don't think you can go snapping pictures of Gary Coleman on your phone without paying $20 first. Do that and you'll get beaten up by Gary Coleman and Gary Coleman's wife, and get your phone stolen, and then get knocked to the ground by Gary Coleman's truck. Allegedly.
Alternatively, do do that. That's apparently what happened to Colt Rushton earlier this month and, as well as making sure that Gary Coleman has been charged with reckless driving and disorderly conduct for it, he's also hit Coleman with a lawsuit. This has to make today the worst day for Gary Coleman since, dunno, yesterday? He doesn't exactly look as if his days are filled with sunshine and monkeys, does he?
Gary Coleman is already a wrinkly old middle-aged former childstar midget, and for most people this would normally be enough – but not our Gary Coleman.
You see, Gary Coleman seems hell-bent on entertaining us in a variety of other ways, too. Like, for example, repeatedly punching a man and then running him over in his truck just because the man tried to take his photo, which is allegedly what Gary Coleman did early on Saturday morning.
This isn’t Gary Coleman’s first brush with trouble either – his other violent exploits have included the time he punched a woman in a shop, the time his constant angry outbursts prompted an appearance on the TV show Divorce Court and the time that he helped protect the moon of Endor from the advancing Imperial Stormtroopers.
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