Troops - HecklerSpray

Judge Tells Kid Rock To Please Leave The Troops Alone

March 24th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

As Kid Rock probably wrapped his mullet around an enemy’s neck for the purpose of strangulation that night in a Waffle House, well that must have felt pretty good.

This is all theoretical, of course, but we think the temporary surge of power must have been so invigorating he just wanted more. He wanted his strength tested. In his mind’s eye he probably saw himself physically beating up all kinds of things that would be awesome to beat up, like King Kong and a string of zombie popes.

And the US military. But a judge just ended that last dream forever.

Jessica Simpson Not In Kuwait For Charity

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

As we speak, Jessica Simpson is in Kuwait, ready to boost troop morale by jiggling her boobies around and kidding herself that people are interested in her singing voice.

It's a lovely, kindhearted thing for Jessica Simpson to do. Or at least it would be, if Jessica hadn't ratcheted up a gigantic bill to hand the organisers in the process.

Although her Kuwait visit is essentially a goodwill trip, Jessica Simpson's private jet, accommodation and beauty entourage will leave concert organisers MySpace hundreds of thousands of dollars out of pocket. That's fair enough, though – those troops want to see a bright-orange man-jawed bimbo of questionable musical credibility, not a bright-orange man-jawed bimbo of questionable musical credibility with a rubbish make-up job.

Jessica Simpson To Invade Kuwait

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Fed up with making underwhelming movies and songs, Jessica Simpson has apparently decided to go to Kuwait and gee up the troops there.

We know what you're thinking. Haven't those poor soldiers already suffered enough without Jessica Simpson turning up to bawl bad music at them?

But that's unfair. Maybe Jessica Simpson is only going to Kuwait to perform a concert for the still-green new recruits alone. This is a time of war, remember, and if an inane bimbette warbling flaccid MOR pop songs is what'll break those kids' spirits for good and transform them into the kind of dead-eyed murder machines that the government requires them to be, then that's what needs to be done.