Here it is, folks - a fully-fledged institution as inevitable as a rancid fart after a Happy Meal. The Celebrity Haiku Competition.

Usual prize up for grabs: two whole packets of delicious Space Raiders crisps. The best intergalactic-themed corner shop snack in existence? Damn right. And you could be in with a chance of munching down on 'em within, oohh, a week or so. Possibly.

This week we're looking at pompous fashion-fascists Trinny And Susannah. But - before we kick off our festivities - let's just see who claimed victory last week...