Did you know that Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker had got back together? No? Do you know who Shanna Moakler is? No?

Well shame on you. This is big news. How big? Former drummer of annoying pop-punk band splitting up with the wife he’d already divorced once a year ago big. That’s as big as it gets. Probably.

Anyway, Shanna Moakler has split up with Travis Barker for possibly the billionth time. Usually at this point we’d say it was the kids who we felt most sorry for, but it’s not. It’s us who we feel most sorry for. Us.

Travis Barker, it’s fair to say, has had a rubbish time of it lately. No, we’re not talking about last September’s plane crash that killed four of his friends and left him with severe near-fatal burns. We’re talking about the fact that he’s decided to reform Blink-182 which, by any quantifiable definition, is obviously far worse.

Oh, and also there’s the fact that Travis Barker seems to have swapped love lives with a spotty, timid 15-year-old boy. You may remember, if you enjoy watching bad things about idiots, that Travis Barker was once the star of an MTV reality show with his then-wife Shanna Moakler. If you didn’t see it, relax – it was woeful. However, the show came to an abrupt end a few years ago when Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker split up.

If you missed Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker splitting up, relax – they got back together again about 30 seconds afterwards. Missed that? Relax – they split up again about 30 seconds after that. And that was final – Travis and Shanna got divorced and everything. After everything they had been through, Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler had reached total closure.

Except they obviously hadn’t, because about 30 seconds after Travis Barker’s plane crash, Shanna Moakler started running around telling everyone that they’d got back together – something that Travis Barker denied about 30 seconds after that in a blog.

Since then, it appears that Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler had got back together – something that we missed due to a combination of laziness and an impulse to beat ourselves unconscious any time we think that somebody’s going to start talking about either of them. But it’s OK that we missed it because guess what? Yep – Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler have split up again. And this time, it’s Shanna who’s been blogging about it:

“I came across numerous romantic emails with MANY other women, some famous, some I personally knew, all heart breaking. You know who you are and you should be ashamed of yourself… A woman can only turn her cheek so many times… I am a human being and the bashing has taken its toll.”

So that’s definitely that. Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler have definitely split up for good, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Nothing at all. They’re finished. Finito. It’s over. Do you understand? It’s the end. The definitive end of Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler’s relationship forever.

See you in 30 seconds, then.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!