Transformers 2 is undoubtedly going to be one of the biggest movies of 2009. Well, OK, maybe not ‘biggest’.

Maybe we meant ‘loudest’. Or ‘most pointless’. Or something. Look, anyway, none of this matters because there’s a brand-new teaser trailer for Transformers 2 after the jump, and we’re about to show it to you – while giving you the full lowdown on it – after the jump.

Alternatively, if you’ve seen the first Transformers movie, you might not want to bother watching the Transformers 2 trailer. It’s exactly the same. Exactly. Seriously, we’re not joking. Avoid the Transformers 2 trailer like the plague. You’re not listening, are you?

If you like endless scenes of abstract robot-on robot violence that have such little bearing on the real world that you’ll probably fall asleep through during them even though they’re all loud enough to cause structural damage to the foundations of the cinema you’re watching them in AND you don’t think you got enough of that in the original Transformers movie, then we have two pieces of advice for you:

1 – You’re either 14 years old or a medically-diagnosable idiot.

2 - Hold onto your hat, because there’s a new Transformers 2 trailer online!

Now, even though we’ve been keeping an eye on the Transformers 2 news lately – so we know that it’ll feature a morbidly obese Megan Fox and a severely Beadled Shia LaBeouf – details about the movie’s plot have been kept quiet. This, we guessed, was either because Transformers 2 will be so utterly groundbreaking that even hinting about it will give people nosebleeds, or because it’s going to be identical to the first Transformers in every possible way.

But now our questions have been answered with the new Transformers 2 trailer. Here it is. Oh, and SPOILER ALERT, it’s not the first one…

Initial destruction of something military-looking? Check. Megan Fox doing little else but cry and scream? Check. That handsome yet boring actor who isn’t Shia LaBeouf being completely superfluous to the plot? Check. Giant fighting robots punching in other in such extraordinary close-up that it’s impossible to tell what’s going on? Check.

Said robots urinating everywhere and talking like a bad end-of-the-pier comedian doing a borderline impersonation of a black person? Che… wait a minute! NOT CHECK! That doesn’t happen ONCE in the Transformers 2 trailer! We take it all back – Transformers 2 is going to be completely fresh, new and exciting in every single way!

We’re… we’re actually looking forward to Transformers 2 now. It might not actually be as terrible as we expected. We don’t know what to do now. We were banking on Transformers 2 being the most awful, pointlessly-realised sequel of the year. What are we going to tip scorn over now?

Terminator: Salvation, you say? Right you are.

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