Robert Pattinson. A man so boring that he can stare at a bag of peanuts and they’ll wither into Sun-Pat before his lifeless eyes. A man so criminally dull that air turns stagnant when he wakes up in the morning.
And so, in a bid to show us that he has some personality, he’s gone and done a good deed.
While in Los Angeles – the town where even the roads are made out of a silicon – R-Patz bought a tramp an acoustic guitar, leaving the tramp glaring at this hollow figure thinking ‘money, food or Special Brew would’ve been nice, you ingrate.’
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There are two ways of summing up Leona Lewis.
As the majority of people know, she is the only real winner of X Factor who has released a string of hits and hasn’t had to resort to gigging in Butlins. On the other hand, she is devoid of a personality, doesn’t do anything, looks like a horse and could give you the same level of conversation as a plastic bag.
After sucking on the musical teat of Simon Cowell, Leona has pretty much shunned the UK to be over glossed and Americanised. We rarely hear from our favourite cockney reality show wailer. However, it comes as a surprise to hear that she’s spoken to someone outside her circle of arse-licking minders. Leona only bloody went and talked to a tramp!
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Alan Davies is a regular on QI and he's been Jonathan Creek, but from now on – whatever he does – Alan Davies will only be known as the man who bit a tramp on the ear.
It has emerged that after drinks at the Groucho Club last week, Alan Davies flew into a bit of a rage and bit a tramp on the ear. Davies' tramp-biting exercise went on for 13 seconds and left 40-year-old Paul McElfatrick bleeding out of his ear. It's thought that Alan Davies didn't get away with biting the tramp's ear because it was all caught on CCTV, and also because just before he bit the tramp's ear, Alan Davies told him "My name's Alan. You know my name – Alan. What's my name? It's Alan." However, McElfatrick still didn't really recognise Alan Davies until he reticently added "You know, off Jonathan Creek," at which point the tramp went "Oh yeah," allowing the ear-biting session to begin in earnest.
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