Hey! Comic nerds! Fancy picking holes in something? Then step right up, because we’ve got the newest teaser of the new web-slinging flick, The Amazing Spider-Man, which has been trailed at special preview events around the world.

The latest incarnation of Spiderman (it’s pronounced like a surname, etc) is played by Andrew Garfield, and we get to see the full thing – and berate it for not being quite right – in July.

So what can we expect? Well, this time ’round, we’ll see Peter Parker being bullied at school. Yep. Bullied like a big wimp. No wonder he had a chip on his shoulder. We also see the usual testing of web-firing gadgets and, better yet, the birth of the villainous Lizard played by Rhys Ifans (the one in the underpants in that film).

Director Marc Webb (apt name! He definitely hasn’t heard that one before) says:

“I think there are a lot of things from the Spider-Man canon that haven’t yet been explored cinematically. This movie really starts off with Peter Parker and his parents, which is something we’ve never really seen before, and I think that was something we were all really interested in exploring as filmmakers.”

Yes, but are we popcorn munching dimwits going to be interested in exploring it as viewers, huh?

Meanwhile, Emma Stone (who will be playing Gwen Stacey – Peter Parker’s other love interest away from the irritating MJ) told fans in Rio de Janeiro that Gwen and Mary Jane Watson (remember, she was played by Kirsten Dunst in the previous films) are “polar opposites,” while Rhys Ifans said in London that his character, Dr. Curt Connors, who becomes the Lizard, has “a very complex and emotional” link to Parker.

The bad news about this film is that it features music from the Rolling Stones and Coldplay.

Anyway, you have a look at this teaser and make your own stupid minds up. We’re sick of constantly wiping your arses for you and telling you what to think.

Seriously. Grow up.

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 3D – Official Trailer /… by Lyricis

One of the big talking points from the Super Bowl commercial break was… well… Clint Eastwood. Away from that though, there’s a little excitement surrounding the trailer for Marvel’s The Avengers movie.

While most superhero flicks are brooding like Batman at the moment, it appears that The Avengers film is going to be pleasingly dumb, if the trailer is anything to go by.

So if you want to see it, strap in and watch things explode with Captain America (Chris Evans), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr), Scarlett Johansson (Black Widow) and Hulk get into a giant scrap with a fella with long, greasy hair.

The baddie in the piece is called Loki and he’s all cocking his head with an evil eyebrow nonsense while Rob Downey Jr is, well, playing himself.

Elsewhere, Captain America’s shield will get nerds wet, while everyone else with be getting aroused over Scarlett Johansson in a catsuit.

Oh, and there’s aliens and laser beams and all that good stuff.

One thing that people may raise a vague titter at is the exchange between Loki and Iron Man. ”I have an army,” says Tom Hiddleston’s Loki. “We have a Hulk!” Stark replies.

Those superheroes and villains! Do they rehearse this stuff?

Yes they do. Now watch the trailer.

God, look at you all.

Sat there in your ostentatious Ivory Towers looking down on us in our hecklerspray hovel as we scrap around trying to pick a living from the meagre bones of underweight celebrities. You sit in judgement of us like a Feudal Lord views his peasants with seeming omniscience.

You sit there with your lucky dip box at the ready, it loaded with randomly generated insults and put-downs designed to make us feel like the lowest of the low, like the dog dirt on the shoe of the internet, like Tim Westwood. Your words are designed to cut, to hurt but are said with the best interests at heart. You want to protect your favourite celebrity because you know- deep down- that they’re too disinterested or stupid to defend themselves.

That’s where Readers’ Letters comes in. Every week we plunge our heads into the faeces clad Water Closet of the hecklerspray bedsit and extract from its odious bowels the hecklerspray Post Bag. It’s enough to make a porn star gag and yet we do it for you as a public service.

A community service, if you will. Ordered by the courts to pay off libel charges.

So here it is. This week’s delve through the detritus.

The internet. It’s so full of homophobes that you’d think it was like a giant, multi-billion-user British National Party meeting. The constant slew of comments coming from graduates of the Youtube School of Intelligent Thought is enough to make your blood boil until it resembles a fine Port. Take this example. You see, homophobes really like to drive home their point by making it in every available space:

The word ‘gay’ appears in an insulting tone a whopping seven times in a three word comment. To all of you, there is only this message. Being gay isn’t something that should be seen as an insult. It’s not insulting to be called gay. It’s just… not.

Of course, sometimes the homophobes manage to dress their homophobia up as a social commentary. In the case of Diane Richardson (her home address is not available at request), she’s chosen to stand in complete opposition to reasonable thought:

Gays have no right to inhibit free speech or define gay. Who do they think they are? Answer: Nobody! Some people ARE born gay I’ve witnessed this in my own family but a huge majority are gay by CHOICE, for instance poor men. Many poor men perform gay sex acts on men for money and in prison heterosexual men have forced and consensual sex with each other. After they’re released they go home to their women. (gross) Anne Heche (loved her hair) was gay for a while.
Sandusky, Bernie Fine , Eddie Long (all GOP) and other pedophiles are GAY because they engaged in sex with underage and adult males. Gays spent a lot of energy trying to convince everyone that pedophiles were straight. Fail! These guys had sex with boys and young men.

Well, there you go then. Here at hecklerspray, we like to start with the really vitriolic crap before we lapse into a more relaxed meander through the scores of people that despise us, not an entire group of people. It’s easier that way.

Speaking of people that absolutely despise us, Libertines fans have been sitting with their thumbs in their mouths, desperately hoping that someone would care enough to write an article about them and hark! Someone did. What did the article say? Does that matter when it provoked so much fury from One Eyed Jacks?

Worst article ever from a talentless author without any sensitivity for good lyrics and musicality.

Hmm… maybe he hasn’t heard The Libertines before. Still, fans of ‘The Mad-Libs’ aren’t the only group of righteous, entitled git-pots to get in touch this week. Earlier, Editor Mof flippantly mentioned Toni Braxton‘s numerous bankruptcy claims in an article about Whitney Houston’s moaning coupon and prompted furious scenes amongst Toni’s fan base.

Read that again.

Toni Braxton’s fan base.

We know. Give yourself a moment to take it in before you read what Brittani had to say:

You should really get your facts straight about Toni Braxton before you start speaking negative about her. That is pure ignorance! Don’t ever talk about Toni again unless it’s on a positive note! Shame on you! You shouldn’t be talking about Whitney either but I guess some people just have nothing else to do with their life but judge others…

Err… right. Sorry. We’ll never talk about Toni Braxton again. She can go on the pile of ‘Celebrity Irrelevancies That We Can’t Mention Because They’re Too Cripplingly Dull” along with Timmy Mallet and Sylvester Stallone’s Mum. It’s the only honour she’s ever likely to win again. This promise didn’t deter Richard though:

There was no need to use Toni Braxton’s name in this article, especially in a vicious mean way, you need to hope you never find yourself sick and in financial trouble, since you seem to think you’re better than others. Quite a shame.

Thanks for hoping that we never find ourselves in financial trouble! Would you be willing to help us out by setting up donations of just £4 a month that would allow Euan Davidson & Miss Robotnik to feed their monstrous cocaine habits? Anything you can give would help.

Let’s face it, everyone’s in financial trouble and we only have Toni Braxton to blame. Still, if you need someone else to blame, why don’t you try everyone’s favourite sexual pariah? No, it’s not Gary Glitter, it’s Caroline Flack! You already know that she’s limping through faked orgasms with human libido Harry Styles but did you know that someone calling themselves Harry Styles left a comment on our articles.

As usual with this kind of thing (see the Readers’ Letters Tom Hardy Special), we can only assume that the comment is from the floppy-haired-erection-monster and treat the comment with the necessary respect.

Harry styles is a cute nice boy Caroline you need a life touching body parts of q 17 year old you could be his mother you fucking idiot get a life and a real boyfriend and if you to get so serious the whole world will hate you Caroline and Harry one direction would be over and bye bye to your fans and Harry I am saying this for you I love your music and you

Harry Styles: demonstrable egomaniac. Not only is he a certified narcissist, he’s also criticising Caroline Flack for her love of tossing him off behind the bike sheds. Oh wait. Hang on. Maybe this isn’t Harry Styles talking about himself in the third person but some jealous One Direction fan who spends 3 hours of every day ‘worshipping’ their Harry Styles doll.

Still, at least worshipping a Harry Styles doll is closer to human contact than being in love with a video game. Yes, the announcement of Resident Evil 6 has seen accidental ejaculations all across the gaming world with one fan’s excitable eruption registering as a 2.3 magnitude Earthquake. The comment below- from Sasha- is indicative of the kind of response our article garnered from Capcom’s verbose and witty fan base.

”’_”’ ???_??? ^^^_^^^ “””_””” $$$_$$$ %%%_%%%** (LOL)** I LOVE U RESDENT EVIL

Moving away from video games and on to TV now as yet more comments pour in on our article which compares The Office with its American counterpart. The sporadic running battles on this comments section have largely turned into a series of vitriolic, xenophobic rants. Like Up Yours, who shoved a flaming envelope through our letterbox before flying home on a nuclear missile.

hey I bet this was some british fuck doing this review its cool to have country pride but just remember the AMERICAN REVOLUTION…… america!!!!! so quit being byes you uk fuck ….the office america wins this thats why it lasted 8 seasons …. suck that…you BOSTON TEA PARTY FUCK

TO ARMS, MEN! THE AMERICANS ARE COMING BACK FOR ROUND TWO! Of course, we’d usually moan about the fact that this article was written three years ago and have a good ol’ chuckle at the idiocy of the man who still believes this argument is relevant. However, given that our friend doesn’t appear to operate in the same area of time-space as us, that line would be redundant. This guy believes the Tea Party has just happened. This man is from the past.

ALL HAIL THE TIME LORD!

Before we all bow down in glorious acquiescence to our new ruler, we’ll leave you with this. Someone didn’t like us having a laugh at Drake’s expense.

Wow this is the worst article ever. Seriously. Kill yourself.

This can be roughly translated as:

Everyone who doesn’t like the same thing I like should either kill themselves or be murdered because my opinion is correct on every single point of minutiae.

So cheers for that, Comrade Stalin.

Until next week, our Semen-Stained Overlords.

Think about Will Smith in your piddling mind. Go on. Try. What are you thinking? That he seems like an inoffensively nice bloke. The kind of chap you could take home to mama and everything would be AOK?

WRONG! JESUS CHRIST, WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? THE MAN IS CLEARLY A MONSTER!

How so? Well, you may have seen recently, that the cast of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air go back together for a nice reunion. One person wasn’t there. That person is Janet Hubert and she wants you all to know the truth about Will Smith and what a massive jerk he is. Honest. He’s nearly as bad as Lucifer himself. No, it’s nothing to do with his pop-rap career which blossomed with a WIKKIWILDWILDWEST.

Janet played the original Vivian Banks in the Fresh Prince, before getting fired for getting pregnant. Great work patriarchy. She spat to coffin chasers TMZ:

“There will never be a reunion as I will never do anything with an asshole like Will Smith.”

“He is still an egomaniac and has not grown up.”

It seems that former co-stars Tatyana Ali, Karyn Parsons, Alfonso Riberio and James Avery don’t think Will Smith is a massive demonic bozo. And who are we to believe? James Avery isn’t only Dad Phil in Fresh Prince, but he’s also the voice of Shredder in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon.

Surely we all side with him?

Either was, Hubert still blames Smith for her 1993 mid-series departure from the show.

“This constant reunion will never ever happen in my lifetime unless there is an apology. He doesn’t know the word.”

Smith has before spoken about all this, once saying:

“She’s mad now but she’s been mad all along. She said once, ‘I’ve been in the business for 10 years and this snotty-nosed punk comes along and gets a show.’ No matter what, to her I’m just the AntiChrist.”

So there you have it. Will Smith. As evil as a box of goat hooves.

The trailer for the first part of Peter Jackson’s hugely-anticipated return to Middle Earth, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, has hit the internet shelves for everyone to get all excited over.

Unless, of course, you can’t stand all that hairy toed adventure from pipe-smoking midgets.

Naturally, the trailer itself is over the jump of this article. This means we’ll have some padding to do before then in an attempt to make you watch it on our site rather than somewhere else. This requires a paragraph to leave you ‘hanging’, willing you to click ‘read more’. Please read more. It’ll be worth it. We’ve noticed a link between The Hobbit and the terrible 80s He-Man film, The Masters Of The Universe.

In the trailer, you’ll see Ian Holm as Bilbo, talking to Frodo, before we jump back in time where Bilbo Baggins was actually Martin Freeman, which is nice.

He then puts a stapler in some jelly.

Ian McKellen shows up as Gandalf, and then the swooping orchestrations start to force you into feeling like a buckle has been swashed or some nonsense.

Then, all the stars arrive, with Galadriel (Cate Blanchett) and some other all appearing in New Zealand, pretending it is some magical land of fairies and that little dude with the annoying voice arrived to mention his pwecious.

Just watch it yourself, alright?

But what’s this about He-Man? Well, watching the trailer and seeing the big noses and acrylic hair, we couldn’t help but get a reminder of the irritating Gwildor from the Masters Of The Universe film which starred Dolph Lundgren.

Look. Gwildor is a Hobbit!

Dark Knight Rises or Batman 3. What are you calling it? Well, judging by the newly released trailer, you could justifiably call it Occupy Gotham. It is fair to say that Bruce Wayne is part of the 1%.

Wisely, Christopher Nolan & Co have decided to tap into the most polite civil unrest yet and, mercifully, thrown some supervillains at it because we demand explosions and people getting punched in the throat.

And, regrettably for us snarks, the film looks like it might be really great. There’s a chance we’ll still give it a bad review though, just to be contrarians.

As you know, joining the action this time round is Anne Hathaway as the becatsuited Selina Kyle (or Catwoman if you can’t work out an insultingly obvious clue). She purrs into Batman’s ear:

“You think this is going to last. There’s a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits, you’re all going to wonder how you ever thought how you could live so large and leave so little for the rest of us.”

If only the 99% were more prone to being leggy and attractive in skin-tight outfits. Practical, no… glamorous, yes.

Of course, Heath Ledger’s Joker will take some beating, so Thomas Hardy will be gruffing it up as Bane. And as big gestures go, Bane’s looks-awfully-like-a-terrorist-attack during a football game should sicken a few American stomachs. Oh, and you’ll be supporting the Gotham Rogues, just in case you didn’t know.

For hipsters, the trailer also show a little Joseph Gordon-Levitt, which is nice.

And so, we’ve all got to wait ’til July to see if it’s going to be any good. Until then, we’ll speculate how Bale’s Batman is written out of this particular franchise and foist stupid Who Can Replace Christian Bale As Batman? lists upon you ’til we find something worthy to write.

Here’s the trailer, poo-breath.

May 2012 will see the return of Men In Black in the imaginatively titled Men In Black 3. Once again, we’ll be seeing Will Smith ostensibly being The Fresh Prince: Still Has A Job With The Government and Tommy Lee Jones looking really, really old.

Of course, the first MIB was something of a light-relief puffpiece which was the remedy to the shade of loads of overbearing, dense sci-fi flicks… but now?

Well, it’s just nakedly nothing more than franchisism. Is their any point to a new Men In Black film? YES THERE IS. AND WE’LL HALF-HEARTEDLY TELL YOU WHY.

The first Men In Black was dumb fun, while the second one felt like it was a weak enough concept being stretched to breaking point.

MIB3 knows this, and as such, has decided to throw some time travel at the whole thing. Obviously Doctor Who’s growing popularity in the States hasn’t gone unnoticed.

Anyway, before we get going, you should totally watch the trailer.

You’ll be amazed at how minuscule your emotion response will be to it. There’ll be a faint flicker of feeling as it trundles past your eyes. Your brains will barely register the goings-on, until some bloke does a passable impression of a young Tommy Lee Jones.

So, now you’ve watched MIB3 trailer, you’re thinking ‘Gah, it doesn’t look dreadful… just… nothing,’ right? So what can we get excited about?

THE SONG WILL SMITH WILL QUITE OBVIOUSLY RELEASE YOU NITWIT!

Of course, the first MIB single sampled Patrice Rushen’s ‘Forget Me Nots’ (which is just brilliant). Will Smith kinda ruined it, but what with him being a big, dozy berk, you couldn’t hate him for it.

For MIB2, Smith released the semi-serious ‘Black Suits Comin” which is just terrible. Clearly an attempt at recreating the first-bell adrenaline rush of Mama Said Knock You Out by LL Cool J. Alas, it was all something of an ill-advised squib.

So, what is Smith going to tackle this time? Surely he realises that he only ever caught the attention of the public when using a catchy, well-known song and spinning it into the MIB franchise?

He’s going to have to look for a disco or funk break isn’t he? Wild Wild West was a terrible film, but his sampling of Stevie Wonder’s ‘I Wish’ saw him bagging a chart monster. As such, he should totally sample Average White Band’s Pick Up The Pieces and retag it, ‘Blast ‘Em To Pieces’ or, work in something about ‘time pieces’ if the latest caper is all about time travel.

Yeah. We want a royalty on this.

For fans of slapstick comedy (hi there!) the old Three Stooges films were pretty much perfect. They were also terrifyingly violent, which of course, made them even more amusing! So what could possibly go wrong?

Well, how about the Farrelly brothers bringing it back and making a joyless modern adaptation?

Sean Penn, Benicio Del Toro and Jim Carrey were lined up to play Larry, Moe and Curly and, wisely, they ran a million miles away from this obviously dreadful idea. Wanna see the trailer so you know how woeful it is?

The first trailer for the new film has arrived and stars Chris Diamantopoulos, Sean Hayes and Will Sasso in the lead roles.

WHO?

You may have seen the Farrelly Bros. films, such as There’s Something About Mary, and thought that it was all pretty base, but not awful thanks to a bit of heart and soul. You can’t say the same for this new Three Stooges flick as it features a lame iPhone gag, a lousy appearance from Snooki (from Jersey Shore) and a whole lotta tits and ass.

Dreck.

Of course, there’ll be nyuk nyuks and people’s eyes getting poked out… but really, there’s nothing going on that the original films didn’t do. And the old movies did it with a thousand times more heart by the looks of things.

Let’s compare and contrast in a arbitrary and unfair fashion shall we?

Three Stooges 2011 Trailer

Now, after watching that , see how the old Stooges took things way further. How about getting stabbed in the eye-socket, set on fire and your face put on a grinder? No modern film would allow such a thing!

Or, maybe you prefer screwdrivers in the eyeball or trying to saw an arm off for laughs? Either way, this new film has a lot to live up to or fear death by firing squad.

How smooth do you think you are? Seriously? Think you could slide under a door and woo a lady at the same time? Of course you couldn’t. You’re horrible. Disgusting too. Really, really very grim to look at.

Not like wealthy rap-man and producer Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs. Or Puff Daddy. Or P. Diddy. Or Peddle Diddlo. Or Ponky Coomswith. Or Plendy Dingdong. Or whatever he’s called right now.

No matter what his name is, he’s smoother than the bonnet of a sports car and he’d like to show the world how smooooooth he is by jumping over a bull that’s charging at him.

The makers of Ciroc Ultra Premium want to present ‘Bull Jumping’ with Diddy Combs. Presumably, they’re not advising you do the same after drinking their smooth booze. You’re not smooth enough and nor will having a quick snifter make you smooth enough.

No. You’re not Puff Daddy. We can’t underline that enough.

See, he’s so smooth that he can leap over a bull without breaking sweat. We’re surprised he didn’t break into a cheeky version of Spanish Flea on a kazoo while doing it.

Think we’re fibbing? Look for yourself, non-believer!

This post was sponsored by Ciroc Ultra Premium. Clip directed by Dave Meyers.

Well, it’s almost that time of year. You remember, right? The time of year when the two Snow White films come out at exactly the same time, injecting new, vampiric life into the classic tale of Snow White. No seven dwarves here- just TEENAGE ANGST.

Although, if we’re being fair (which we rarely are) the film deserves some credit for taking on a darker note than we had expected while the idea of watching Kristen Stewart engaged in a “who’s hotter” contest to the end of the earth and back with Charlize Theron fills us with the same sense of dread that one gets when you’ve just contracted gastroenteritis.

While you’ve got that image in your head, why not have a look at the trailer and see what you think?

Not much, we’d wager.

Snow White & The Huntsman is releas- oh, who cares?

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Ever woke up in the morning and thought to yourself “Hey! You know what I’d like to see today? A fat Northerner stapling someone’s mouth to an anus while jerking himself off with sandpaper!” Have you?

Then chances are, you’re Tom Six, the director of The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence), and barely anyone else.

See, the film has taken a hilarious £942 at the box office after opening in the UK last weekend. Basically, no-one wants to see it AND pay for it. We suspect that it has been streamed and downloaded online (uncut) more times than anyone settling down in a cheese smelling cinema has.

Of course, Tom Six will no doubt blame this dreadful showing on the fact that two minutes and 37 seconds removed from it so it could obtain an 18 certificate for release.

Fact is, like the first film, it was trying way too hard to show and people were pretty bored by the notion.

Six slammed censors the British Board of Film Classification’s (BBFC) when they rejected his movie in June.

He said:

“Apparently I made a horrific horror film, but shouldn’t a good horror film be horrific? My dear people it is a fucking MOVIE. It is all fictional. Not real. It is all make-belief. It is art.”

The first Human Centipede didn’t fare too well either, taking £6,145 in 2010. Basically, both films combined have made about enough profit to have a medium sized wedding.

How lovely.

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The hype surrounding the new Batman film (Batman 3 or The Dark Knight Rises… it’s up to you what you call it) is getting bigger and bigger, with the entire world stalking its every movement.

Seriously. No other film has been as spied on during the shoot like this one has.

And there’s more of it. And it’s great. How about a giant fight scene, a video of Batman and Bane going at it and a sneak peak of Catwoman on a motorbike? If you’re crying ‘YES PLEASE!’, then get yourself over the jump.

This new footage, spotted all over YouTube, was shot at Wall Street in New York City.

In one video, you can see Batman (Christian Bale) and Bane (Tom Hardy) having a punch-up in the middle of a giganto riot. That’s exciting enough in itself.

In another vid, you can see the sheer size of the production with a huge scrap.

Then, lastly, there’s a video of Anne Hathaway as Catwoman on some monstrous bike, bombing down the road.

It’s all very exciting. Here’s the videos for you to look at. Batman 3 is going to be AMAZING.

Hopefully.

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In fairness to Michelle Williams, she really does have a brilliant haircut. However, you don’t want to hear us being nice about a woman’s barnet. You want us to be snarky and nasty. Don’t worry reader, it’s coming.

See, as good as Williams’ hairdo is, it’s still weird. Chilling in fact.

You see, her hair isn’t a fashion statement. She’s not thinking ‘Hell, I really like this Mia Farrow thing I’ve got going on‘, but rather, her hair is a memorial. You heard. It’s a tribute to the dead. She’s got corpse loving hair.

Apparently, Williams’ daughter – Matilda – wants her to grow her hair, but that’s not happening. Even if Matilda waltzes in fury about it, pounding her tiny little fists on her giant bed, shouting ‘…BUT ALL THE OTHER MOMS HAVE LONG LADY HAIR! NOT LIKE YOU AND YOUR SHORT BOY HAIR! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE YOU!’

That’s how celebrity offspring talk, isn’t it?

However, Michelle has an immense guilt-trip to beat all tantrums.

In an interview with Elle, Michelle said that the only people that like her haircut are “gay men and my girlfriends” and that straight men “across the board are not into this hair!”

She explains:

“I cut it for the one straight man who has ever liked short hair, and I wear it in memorial of somebody who really loved it…”

She’s talking about Heath Ledger. Remember that guy? He died and instantly became a much better actor.

“I feel like myself with short hair. And it’s been a really long time since I had long hair, five years.”

“What Matilda would love is for her mum to grow out the cropped hair. Though that’s unlikely to happen any time soon.”

GOT THAT? She’s still grieving AND she has a cool haircut.

NOW RACK OFF.

Unless you’re pointing out that she is happy to cover her touching tribute with a wig when she’s playing Marilyn Monroe, in which case, SHUT UP ANYWAY.

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The video game equivalent of Child’s Play is back with yet another sequel, taking the number in the GTA franchise to such an amount that it now rivals the amount of times Kerry Katona has relapsed on ket ‘n’ chips.

It’s gone to the ’80s, ’60s London and even the present day (which is a rarity in video games), so the public were looking forward to something fantastic with what is going to be one of 2012′s biggest gaming releases (unless there is a Stacey Solomon Teaches Elocution obviously).

Luckily for Rockstar North there probably won’t be any rioting because GTA 5 as it is being known, is set to blow the hubcaps off the franchise, stop by a Dixie Chicken before continuing to pummel prostitutes into oblivion. And sell in its thousands. And yes, the trailer is over the jump for you to watch.

We’re returning to Los Santos, which is the Rockstar version of Los Angeles, so we’re hopeful of seeing Lindsay Lohan smacked off her tits in a morgue while Kim Kardashian stars in the next series of ‘The Batchelorette’.

Oh, and there’s helicopters, jets, fast cars and even a jet ski.

Not much is shown about the story, apart from the protagonist being a family man, who moved to Los Santos to see his kid grow up. Seems a little like the character bio for a new Mitchell in Eastenders, but we’ll forgive that for now because there’s jet skis in the trailer.

Some nicer graphics would’ve been nice, but y’know, you can’t demand the world from a stupid video game can you? Nice to see the Small Faces appearing as soundtrack in the trailer too.

Still, looks like fun though.

Jet skis.

Or click here to watch it in case the HTML code is being a loser on our site.

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Batman: The Dark Knight Rises, is probably the most highly anticipated film release floating around the ether at the moment. The superhero genre has been revitalised by the brooding adventures of Bruce Wayne and everyone is intrigued as to how the whole thing will wrap up.

As such, each little morsel and near-set fanvid has been met with many a watering mouth.

And here’s the news: it’s pretty much a certainty that Christopher Nolan’s revamp will be getting shown in six-minute prologues in various cinemas at Christmas time. BUT WHERE? Well…

The Dark Knight Rises is going to play before IMAX showings of Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol (which is going to be a steaming pile of dreck, no doubt), which is a similar move to when the Joker was revealed to cinema audiences before IMAX screenings of I Am Legend in 2008.

AMC released a statement on their blog (which they’ve since taken down) that read:

“The six-minute Dark Knight Rises prologue footage will only be shown on the higher resolution 70mm IMAX screens. Not the digital IMAX screens. Locations haven’t been confirmed yet, so stay tuned for an update on AMC Theatre locations that will be showing the prologue Dark Knight Rises footage at a 70mm IMAX screen nearest you.”

Of course, this hi-res business means that the clip will show in far fewer cinemas, but it’ll invariably end up online, so you won’t miss out AND you won’t have to watch Mission: Impossible.

Either way, everyone is getting excited about it. And so are we. And we’re cynical about ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.

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